Chinese Fraudsters Insult Presidential Offspring; WWIII Imminent
Ha ha, just kidding! Nobody in Beijing is claiming that the Bush twins are drunk or easy. Instead, the makers of a Chinese herbal weight loss patch called "America Seven-Point Thinness" are claiming that Chelsea Clinton is fat -- or at least used to be, until she got a hold of their breakthrough product.
After a long stretch of just being angry and defensive, the Chinese government has started to feel kind of bad about what kind of products its slave labor camps and pre-The Jungle consumer protection laws are turning out, like the poison pet food and poison trains and poison toothpaste. So as a first step towards redemption, they're exposing the lies of these Chelsea-bashing fraudsters on TV!
The geniuses behind the "America Seven-Point Thinness" patch claimed that Chelsea Clinton lost 26.5 pounds in a month using their product. But government-run Chinese television proved that the whole thing was a fake, using techniques Americans will fondly remembered from the classic "Fight Back With David Horowitz" TV show. The communist media mouthpiece also made the ideologically charged claim that "it is currently generally accepted the most effective way to lose weight is to exercise and rationally control what you eat and drink."
Western media has largely ignored the controversy, since it's well known to all that Chelsea Clinton has, like any rational American, improved her appearance through cosmetic surgery, not herbal Oriental quackery.
Chelsea Clinton [Good Plastic Surgery]