Christmas Apocalypse Now
Ho ho ho, so much for that "no news until next year" tradition. The world is coming apart at the seams and only copious amounts of Holiday Cheer(tm) will dull the pain. Welcome to the World Gone Wrong:
* We've often dreamed of seeing the headline TONY BLAIR QUESTIONED BY POLICE. Father Christmas makes dreams come true. Blair is the focus of a criminal investigation. Sadly, he's not a suspect in the Jack the Ripper-esque prostitute murders that always seem to pop up in England when the government's in trouble, but his Labour Party is accused of literally selling Parliament seats in exchange for "secret loans" and sacks of cash.
* Seriously, the corpses of strangled prostitutes are being found almost daily.
* The United Nations has a new secretary-general who will weakly protest U.S. unilateralism now and then. Please welcome South Korea's Ban Ki-moon to New York City!
* A Wisconsin man drove over a seven-legged transgendered deer mutant. He peeled the dead animal freak off the highway, drove it home and ate it. "I did eat it," said Richard Lisko. "It was tasty."