Christopher Hitchens Is Depressed

'The four most over-rated things in life are champagne, lobster, anal sex and picnics' - WonketteThe drink-soaked popinjay's latest column for The Observer is so glum that we nearly slit our wrists, and we still can't figure out what he's going on about. But he is depressed, and bored, and powerless to control the forces of American idiocy that surround him. Some highlights, or low lights:


* "At the airport, a man in front of me is made to empty a pot of face-cream he has bought for his wife. In vain does he point out that he purchased it after going through security. Our protectors never sleep -- or do I mean that they never seem to wake up?"

* "Back in Washington, the whole city is en fete for the most boring holiday of the year -- Halloween."

* "Wearing my SpongeBob suit under some protest, I pace the well-policed streets in company with hordes of essentially bored children."

* "When I first hear, over devil's-brew punch, of John Kerry's 'gaffe' about lazy students ending up in Iraq, I think, oh come on. Everyone can tell it was a feeble joke falling flat. Not so. I am invited on several TV chat-shows to dispute the point, which means that, even when denouncing a non-story, I am, in effect, helping to perpetuate it."

* "What an awful season of pseudo-fights and distractions."

* "A team at the Harvard Medical School and the National Institute on Ageing reports that a natural substance found in red wine, known as resveratrol, can reduce obesity and extend the life span. I thought I already knew about this elixir and was thinking of keeping the secret to myself."

My Week: Christopher Hitchens [The Observer]

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