White House

Secret Service Would Take Bullet For Jared 'N' Ivanka, Not Allowed To Take A Sh*t In Their House

Washington Post uncovers the juicy, reeking details.

In a great act of public service journalism on the final Thursday of the Trump administration, the Washington Post brings us the story we didn't know we needed to know about the Secret Service detail assigned to protect Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump. Namely, the agents tasked with protecting their lives aren't allowed to use any of the approximately 478 toilets in the Kushner-Trump manse in the posh Kalorama neighborhood of Washington DC:

Instructed not to use any of the half-dozen bathrooms inside the couple's house, the Secret Service detail assigned to President Trump's daughter and son-in-law spent months searching for a reliable restroom to use on the job, according to neighbors and law enforcement officials. After resorting to a porta-potty, as well as bathrooms at the nearby home of former president Barack Obama and the not-so-nearby residence of Vice President Pence, the agents finally found a toilet to call their own.

Eventually, the agency was able to find a terlet to let, in a basement studio in a house right across the street from Caca Casa de Kushner, at the price of $3,000 a month, which is all you need to know the house isn't owned by anyone in the Trump family. The space not occupied by the bathroom also serves as a command post and break room for the Secret Service detail, so that works out pretty well for all, particularly the agents who may need to work some things out themselves. What a relief!

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News

Marco Rubio Wants Joe Biden To Send You $2000, And You BETTER NOT NEED ANYTHING ELSE

Yay Marco Rubio! Fuck you Marco Rubio!

Joe Biden's actual first day in office is just a week away, bringing with it the chance for him to do a lot of that stuff presidential candidates always say they'll get done after they get back from the inauguration, possibly with some wiggle room for their first full day in office, since there'll also be a good bit of settling in, getting the staff's phones figured out, and virtually attending the Zoom-only inaugural balls.

Among other things, Biden's plans for his first day include rejoining the Paris climate agreement, signing executive orders to roll back Trump's restrictions on asylum, eliminate the ban on travel from mostly-Muslim countries, and restore a bunch of environmental regulations Trump weakened. In addition, Biden wants to issue a national mask mandate for federal buildings and for interstate travel, to be followed by working with state governors to regularize efforts to contain COVID-19. He's also promised to send to Congress bills to roll back the Trump tax cuts and to make DACA a law.

To those plans, Sen Marco Rubio (R-Florida) wants Biden to add one more: Direct Congress to pass a new round of $2000 stimulus payments to Americans, and do that on day one, rather than including new individual payments in a more comprehensive stimulus package at some later date. Good for Marco Rubio! Also, Marco Rubio, go fuck yourself!

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Protests

It's Your GOP Sunday Show Idiot Roundup, Post-Capitol Insurrection Edition!

We watch so you never have to.

On January 6, 2021, Donald Trump incited an insurrection at the Capitol.

After the dust settled, blood was spilled, lives ruined and Republicans in Congress continued to try to disenfranchise voters, even after the sedition, we were left with trying to hold Trump and his enablers accountable for a tragedy that was entirely predictable and four years in the making. So, with that in mind, this week's Sunday shows!

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Congress

Look At These Nice Things In Recent Funding Bills! Just Look At Them!

Happy normal things!

Two big recent spending bills had a couple of neat provisions in them that we wouldn't want to go overlooked. The defense spending bill (NDAA) that Congress passed Friday by overriding Donald Trump's veto includes a significant measure to fight corruption, and the $1.4 trillion omnibus spending bill that passed just before Christmas (and which Donald Trump eventually signed after being a dick about it) includes a hugely important provision restoring the ability for incarcerated people to get Pell grants while they're still serving their prison terms. Good government just might break out all over at this rate. (Fine, we'll take "might happen more than sporadically.")

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