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'Cold Air Mass From Canada' Attacks America, Never Forget

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  • A devious "cold air mass" from Canada floated across our unprotected border and then proceeded to drop giant snow-dumps all over our great nation yesterday, forcing most Americans to abandon their SUVs on the highway and hike to the nearest toll station, so that they could eat the tollbooth lady for nourishment. First "Bieber fever," and now this? Thanks, Canada. This winter terrorism attacked more than a third of The United States, from Maine to Dallas, which means the Super Bowl is canceled forever. (Fingers crossed.) Anyway, all this "cold" and "snow" proves Al Gore is a lying sack of shit, again! [NYT]
  • Meanwhile, John Boehner's new job bill or whatever will stop the Environmental Protection Agency from regulating greenhouse gases under the Clean Air Act. [AP]
  • Donald Rumsfeld will receive the "Defender of the Constitution Award" at CPAC next week, which will be held at some semen-stained hotel in our nation's swamp capital! Your Wonkette will be reporting live from this atrocity, so hooray, stay tuned/start drinking. [Raw Story]
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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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