Colo. GOP Leaders Totally Love Bicycle-Man Dan Maes, Are Begging Him To Quit

Colo. GOP Leaders Totally Love Bicycle-Man Dan Maes, Are Begging Him To Quit

Colorado Tea Party maniac Dan Maes managed just barely to win last week's GOP gubernatorial primary, because hisopponent was a plagiarist and because only he dared to tell the truth about the Communist bike-sharing evil that threatens to destroy America forever. With that tough race over, will the Colorado Republican party, led by the by the noble and forthright Dick Wadhams, rally behind their candidate? Sure! Attempting to convince him to quit so they can replace him with someone who will lose not quite as badly counts as "rallying," right? has the secret anonymously-sourced inside scoop on Republican emissaries who were sent to demand that he quit. Apparently the party has already written off the race, but wants someone who won't lose spectacularly, because they still have high hopes for birther-baiting Senate candidate Ken Buck and other downticket races and don't want people to vote against them out of spite. Party chair Dick Wadhams did not go himself, in order to maintain his reputation for integrity and skillful management, but his lieutenants brought this ominous message:

The message from Republicans is that there will be no outside money and no fundraising assistance for Maes if he stays in the race, but if he drops out there could be support for him for future opportunities.

Sorry you can't be governor even though you won the primary, Dan! Would you like to be a State Senator from nowhereseville in 2014? Dick Wadhams can make that happen!

But Maes refused to budge and put up a defiant message on Facebook, so Wadhams had to go on TV and say how much he loves ol' Dan. So, good luck with your suicide mission, Mr. Maes! When the U.N.'s bicycle-mounted shock troops flow out of Denver to conquer free peoples everywhere, we will at least be able to say that we were warned. [ColoradoPols/7News Denver]


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