Come On, Nobody Gets the 'Bonus Army' Joke?

News

March 18, 2009 02:14 PM

Here, watch this, and maybe you too can someday see why it is funny to tag the AIG flogging liveblog with "bonus army." Ugh.

Actual transcript of conversation between your editor and his "Ivy league graduate" co-editors:

Ken Layne

Relax, Everyone: Donald Trump Is Still A F*cking Criminal

WTF does tonight's special message from Robert Mueller tell us? Wonkette tries to answer that question!

Russia

HOLY ACHTUNG TWITTER IS FREAKING OUT! Special Counsel Robert Mueller's office (SCO) has issued a statement, almost 24 full hours after Buzzfeed's story on Donald Trump ordering Michael Cohen to lie to Congress about the failed Trump Tower Moscow deal started blowing everybody's minds. Mueller's spokesman says actually BuzzFeed got it a bit wrong. This is significant because 1) Mueller's office NEVER talks, and B) well, they're not actually saying BuzzFeed got it WRONG wrong. Just, you know, kinda wrong.

Wow, that statement is lawyered as fuck. BuzzFeed described "specific statements" wrong, and its "characterization of documents and testimony" was just an eensy bit off, and maybe if BuzzFeed moved this sofa over here it would take advantage of more natural light in the room, and honestly, BuzzFeed should trim up this one paragraph of its article, because those sentences DO NOT SPARK MARIE KONDO'S JOY.

Otherwise, it's great!

First of all, we want everybody to relax. Donald Trump is still a criminal.

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@foxnews twitter.com @a_cormier_pic @buzzfeed trump donald trump trump told michael cohen to lie to congress trump twitter trump suborning perjury trump michael cohen nancy pelosi trump witness tampering trump crimes trump individual 1 trump unindicted co-conspirator michael cohen father-in-law michael cohen beat up michael cohen shoulder surgery rudy giuliani robert mueller robert mueller investgiation hogan gidley fox news video newt gingrich kellyanne conway national enquirer buzzfeed pulitzers david pecker catch and kill trump russia investigation russia fox business anthony cormier jason leopold

Trump Idiots 'Debunk' Michael Cohen Story By Shrieking HAW HAW BUZZFEED SUX!

Meanwhile, the president responded to the revelation he suborned perjury by tampering with the witness some more. Totally normal!

Russia

It's been a joy watching the reactions come in from TrumpWorld about the news that Donald Trump has committed YET ANOTHER CRIME, in this case suborning perjury by instructing his former lawyer thug fixer Michael Cohen to lie to Congress. How many other people did he do that with? WE DUNNO! But that's not what this post is about.

First of all, let's see what the big guy himself did. As with all presidential statements from the un-president, it happened on Twitter:

Oh wait, that's (grapes) not it. Here it is:

That's right, the president of the United States reacted to a bombshell news report exposing that he had tampered with a witness by suborning perjury by ... tampering with that witness some more in public, by threatening his father-in-law! (To be fair, Trump has been trying to intimidate the witness by encouraging the feds to investigate Cohen's father-in-law for a hot minute now. It's one of his things, like tweeting and pooping at the same time and comparing WALL to WHEEL.)

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