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Come To Wonkette's Patriotic Inaugural Ball This Friday!

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To honor Barack Obama's swearing-in as the first Luo president of America, ever, your Wonkette is hosting a sexy sexy party this Friday -- yes, the one that's in two days! Ha ha! And it's free for everyone, with the musics and the alcohols. America's videographer Liz Glover will play host at her very own yoga studio to boot! Oh boy! Details!


  • Where/when?

    10PM till seriously whenever

    @ BIKRAM YOGA CAPITOL HILL

    410 H Street N.E. Washington, DC 20002

    BYOB IF YOU WANT TO

    $5 suggested donation (or you can pay nothing and be BANNED FOREVER from LIFE)

  • Who will play the musics and show you the sexy moving pictures? Descriptions from DC's own resident art cartographer Nikolas Schiller, who knows all the hot tickets in this town!

    BIG GOLD BELT

    "visionary seductive sleaze from Luke & Christina, live music/video performance"

    DJ ANDREW MORGAN

    "People's Potential honcho spinning records so mind-bogglingly nasty that they don't even actually exist"

    BEAUTIFUL SWIMMERS

    "Future Times heroes (DJ Ari G and Disco City's Maxmillion Dunbar) banging that slow, aquatic house vibe"

    Mmhmm!

  • Why?

    FOR AMERICA! (Free beer.)

  • Should I RSVP?

    Hmm maybe! Not really, ha. BUT if you're interested, please send an e-mail indicating you would like to come to tips@wonkette.com, subject line, "I HAVE COORDINATED MY BUMPASS-ROSE TO WONKETTE'S PARTY," just so we can get a basic headcount, ok? Deal with it?

    There will be a Facebook info page soon, for the kids. UPDATE: Facebook event page is here! You can respond there too! Post wacky pictures!

    Peggy Noonan and Bill Kristol will be there too, with that same aquatic vibe, because they are fish. Uhh that's all for now. Come!

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Dame Peggington Noonington awakened in the New York Publick Librarie in a daze. She did not know what series of unfortunate events had led to this moment, but she vaguely remembered that last time this happened a passerby on 5th Avenue had transported her there, having found her on a stoop with eyes glazed over, muttering "Buk! Buk!" If we're being honest, she was choking on gin, but the well-meaning Good Samaritan took her for a woman craving classic literature, and Peggy was OK with allowing that illusion to stand.

As she stumbled toward the exit to summon her chauffeur -- Manuel, who was also her houseboy, who probably was responsible entirely for her current predicament, and would be subject to a talking-to about his derring-do as soon as Peggy's head stopped pounding -- she happened upon a display of new arrivals. "Buk! Buk!" she said. Swallowing hard, she grabbed a copy of Michelle Obama's book and went out onto the New York street without actually checking the book out.

Peggy arrived home safely, if a bit worse for the wear. She had been thinking about America's royal families a lot lately, especially the genteel women who serve as First Lady. She was particularly charmed by Melania Trump's show of wicked mischief last week, firing the deputy national security adviser without regret! Peggy remembered how fun it is to fire people and stuck a Post-it on her forehead to remind her to fire Manuel later, for leaving her destitute among the commoners at the librarie.

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Congratulations to the Dear Leader on his flawless victory in court against the media dogs at the CNN cesspool of evil. Donald Trump is a champion of the people's right to civil discourse, and he will not hesitate to slap those who hurt the dignity of the Supreme Leadership. Take it from Ri Chun-hee Sarah Huckabee Sanders:

Today the court made clear that there is no absolute First Amendment right to access the White House. In response to the court, we will temporarily reinstate the reporter's hard pass. We will also further develop rules and processes to ensure fair and orderly press conferences in the future. There must be decorum at the White House.

Leave aside for a moment the screaming irony of the Pussgrab Administration lecturing the press on decorum. Literally none of what the Huckster said here is true. Judge Timothy Kelly ordered the White House Press Office to reinstate Jim Acosta's hard pass immediately on Fifth Amendment grounds. He didn't reach the First Amendment issues of press access because he didn't have to.

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