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Coming Soon To the American Economic Recovery: Alvin Greene Action Figures

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Alvin Greene Mania has swept Britain! TodayThe Guardian has their very own profile of one British reporter's pilgrimage to the hovel of South Carolina Daoist monk Alvin Greene. It is accompanied by a nice photo of Greene talking on the phone with your Wonkette (probably) while he's writing koans with a simple pencil. The big news in this story is that Alvin Greene has an enigmatic and wise solution "for jobs"—making Alvin Greene action (inaction) figures. It is an incredible quote.


"Another thing we can do for jobs is make toys of me, especially for the holidays. Little dolls. Me. Like maybe little action dolls. Me in an army uniform, air force uniform, and me in my suit. They can make toys of me and my vehicle, especially for the holidays and Christmas for the kids. That's something that would create jobs. So you see I think out of the box like that. It's not something a typical person would bring up. That's something that could happen, that makes sense. It's not a joke."

"But Alvin Greene has no vehicle. He doesn't drive. He stays home all day," you say. Sure, he has no car. His vehicle is The Way.

"But surely The Way cannot be accurately depicted in plastic," you say. You are correct. The Way cannot be depicted in any form. When the master tells us to make a child's toy version of The Way in this hypothetical situation, he shows us the absurdity of our materialistic, object-based lives.

We do not survive or thrive only on how many things we possess, just as a child does not receive its sustenance from a beloved toy.

And it is just as absurd to make an action figure for a "super hero" or other revered figure as it is to make one for a simple man like Alvin Greene.

Nature is complete because it does not serve itself.

I leave feeling as baffled as when I arrived....Next stop will be the main election in November in which he will face Jim DeMint, the Republican senator who will deploy all the firepower of an incumbent. Greene will be outgunned, outwitted and humiliated. He will lose in a landslide.

Now where have I heard that before?

Exactly. You are a modern-day Alexis de Tocqueville, British guy. [The Guardian]

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