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Concussion-Gate: Hillary Clinton Perpetrates America's Most Nefarious Coverup

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For us, the worst part of this Benghazi incident (NEVER FORGET! WORSE THAN 9/11 AND WORLD WAR TWO AND STAR WARS EPISODES 1-3 COMBINED!) is that we have to hear what John Bolton thinks about anything at all. Unless we need a helpful primer in how todemand to be in an organization we loathe or how to grow a foolproof  foodtrap mustache, we have no need of John Bolton thank you very much. We are both grateful to, and angry at, Media Matters. They watch John Bolton (and Fox News!) so we don't have to, but then they write about it and we still have to talk about John Bolton (and Fox News!) and how Hillz is just faking that concussion so she doesn't have to testify about our nation's greatest overseas tragedy:


The Washington Post reported on December 15 that Clinton sustained a concussion after she fainted due to dehydration while at home a week prior. After the incident, the State Department explained that Clinton would have to postpone her testimony about the attack on Benghazi due to the concussion.

Following the State Department's announcement, Fox News contributor John Bolton, appearing on On The Record, suggested Clinton was faking "diplomatic illness" to avoid testifying about Benghazi. The State Department's Victoria Nuland lashed out at Bolton for his remarks, labeling them "wild speculation based on no information."

Like the playground bullies they all are, after Bolton led the way, Fox News' on-air "personalities" (we are using that term SO GODDAMN LOOSELY) had to pile on with even stupider jokes:

Co-host of Fox News' The Five, Kimberly Guilfoyle, accused Clinton of running "a duck and cover" after suffering the concussion. Co-host Greg Gutfeld went on to ask, "How can she get a concussion when she has been ducking everything [related to Benghazi]?"

Lameduck angerbear Allen West had to get in on the action too, showing up on Fox and Friends (which always sounds like a children's show from yr Wonkette's youth, but it is instead a modern day horrorshow) to share his incisive wit:

“I’m not a doctor, but it seems as though…the Secretary of State has come down with a case of Benghazi flu,” West said on "Fox and Friends." “I think we have to get to the bottom of this. There’s still a very countless amount of unanswered questions.”

There are indeed "very countless" unanswered questions here, but most of them are about about why Fox people are being such dicks. Also, too, if Hillz had a grand plan to avoid testifying about Benghazi, is the most foolproof method a minor injury that pushes back the testimony approximately a week? Also, too, said minor injury required a giant string of prior incidents in order to happen:

"While suffering from a stomach virus, Secretary Clinton became dehydrated and fainted, sustaining a concussion," State Department spokesman Philippe Reines said in a statement...

Clinton fell ill with a stomach virus last weekend and was forced to cancel a planned trip to the Middle East and North Africa. The virus also hit other members of her staff, who were returning with her from a European trip, and was described as uncomfortable, but not medically serious.

So let's get this straight. Hillz faked a stomach virus, had her staff fake a stomach virus (or gave it to them because she has no soul and killed Vince Foster), then faked her fainting so that she could cry "concussion!" and avoid debunking conservative nonsense about Benghazi? What the hell kind of Rube Goldberg scheme is this supposed to be?

Jesus. This is like being stuck at Christmas dinner until the end of time, your racist uncle sitting next to you regaling you with his "edgy" humor intermingled with conspiracy theories.

[MMFA]

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It's the night before the two-night Democratic primary debate extravaganza, and we're already tired. Turns out having 20 candidates spread across two nights when only six or eight of them matter is not the must-see TV we all thought it was going to be! But that's not to dissuade you from getting excited! We're excited! We're so excited! We're so ...

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SCARED!

In case you need a reminder, here is how it's going to go down:

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Lately he's been blowing smoke from another orifice.

After a cursory examination of the TWELVE filings in the case against California Congressman Duncan Hunter just in the past 24 hours, we can confidently declare that that guy is a fucking idiot. The prosecutors have him by every last one of his short and curlies -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to pay for hundreds of thousands of dollars of ski trips, video games, tuition, and plane tickets for the family rabbit.

A rational human being would have pleaded down a year ago and given up his congressional seat, since he could cash out and make a lot more money as a lobbyist anyway. But not Duncan Hunter! He made the federal government chase him down and document every last carton of cigarettes, round of tequila, and Uber ride of shame home from his many girlfriends' houses in a 60-count indictment filed last August. And still this dumb sumbitch refused to admit he was caught, even after his lovely wife (and co-conspirator) Margaret Hunter flipped on him this month -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to carry on multiple affairs and you piss off the US Attorneys enough that they put every 7 a.m. Uber ride in your indictment.

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