Confusing Murkowski Write-In Process Will Just Confuse Alaskans

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Alaskan prisoner-of-warblog Bill Scannell took on another dangerous undercover assignment for your Wonkette: the announcement of Senator Lisa Murkowski's wacky scheme to try to get Alaskans to write something, with a pen! (The usual expression of Alaskan literacy is a sad face "drawn" with urine in the dirty snow behind a tattoo parlor.)


In order for a vote to count for Murkowski, the voter must (figuratively) jump through/over a trio of hoops/hurdles: The voter must figure out how to write "Lisa Murkowski" (or at least "Murkowski," as just "Lisa" won't count even though that's going to be where most voters give up, as far as trying to spell such a complicated three-syllable last name they've only heard and seen for decades); the voter must figure out where to write "Lisa Murkowski" (or "Murkowski") on the ballot; and the voter must fill in the oval next to this line. Haha there will be 10,000 years of recounts and "Lizard People"/Florida 2000 lawsuits.

While Murkowski provides the lamest "fighting pose" in the history of political fighting analogies, the blond lady next to her makes the famous "blow job gesture" with her tongue in cheek. (Wait a minute, is this where "tongue in cheek" comes from? It's an ancient Shakespearean blowjob gesture? Why else would something so otherwise silly be such a blistering display of contempt?)

Murkowski's campaign apparently got their great enemy Sarah Palin to make the glitter-pen "Lisa" poster. (They just asked her "for an autograph," but asked her to sign "Lisa" instead of "Sarah," and she was confused for just a split second until they slipped her the five-dollar bill.)

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