Congratulations To Almost-Oldest-Living President!
In a carefully worded report, AP says that if Gerald Ford can make it another 36 hours, he will break Ronald Reagan's record as the president who lived longest.
Reagan lived 93 years and 120 days, although the last few decades were hazy. Ford will break that record on Sunday.
Ford, best known for his "pratfalls" in the first season of "Saturday Night Live," was appointed president in 197
6 4 [whoops, now we're really confusing him with Chevy Chase] after the elected president and vice president had to flee like rats. Ford bravely pardoned Nixon, ending our long national nightmare by setting a criminal loose. He also elevated obscure Nixon Administration factotums Don Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney to, respectively, secretary of defense and White House chief of staff.
Before his strange ascent to the presidency, Ford distinguished himself by keeping a straight face when he insisted the Warren Commission report was accurate. In 1997, he actually admitted to personally changing the forensic findings to make them "more precise." Hooray for President Ford!