Tucker Carlson Leads GOP Charge To Feed Ukrainian Aid To American Babies
The derp is strong with these people.
On Tuesday, the House approved a $40 billion aid package for Ukraine by a massive 368-57 vote. You can't get 368 votes to rename a post office in DC these days, and still the House voted overwhelmingly in favor of spending the money, even topping up President Joe Biden's funding request by $7 billion.
“As China, Iran and North Korea watch our response, we must show the world that America stands firm with its allies and will do what is necessary to protect our interests abroad,” Rep. Kay Granger of Texas, the ranking Republican on the Appropriations Committee told the AP.
It's a no-brainer: Democrats support the spread of democracy and stability in Europe, and Republicans want to be seen as projecting American power internationally. As the the Post's Leigh Ann Caldwell notes, it's going to get bipartisan support in the Senate, where Senators Rand Paul and John Kennedy are currently being dicks and holding up the vote — 'cause it's a day that ends in Y.
So who are the braindead dipshits in the House that voted against it?
Well, it's exactly who you think it is.
The 57 House Republicans who voted against Ukraine aid package. https://twitter.com/mkraju/status/1524210044723773441\u00a0\u2026pic.twitter.com/y80quvZZbt— Manu Raju (@Manu Raju) 1652237559
Or, as Democratic Rep. Ruben Gallego put it on Twitter, "If there was a Venn diagram of the GOP members of Congress that just voted against aid for Ukraine bc 'we need to focus on the USA' and the GOP members of Congress that voted against infrastructure it would make a perfect circle."
That would be a response to the current Republican talking point that we're spending more money on Ukraine than we spent on American roads and bridges last year. Not that these filthy sumbitches would ever support spending actual money on improving the lives of their constituents. Because their domestic priorities begin and end at waging endless culture war to keep the base pissed off and ill-informed.
These purists are so doggedly devoted to opposing anything that Democrats support that they're currently attacking their own party over Ukraine aid. And since Abbott issued a recall of Similac after bacterial contamination killed two babies, the vocabulary phrase of the week is FORMULA SHORTAGE. As in, how can we afford to help Ukraine fend off a murderous dictator when free market capitalism fails to feed American babies?
Let's see how many of these America First-ers support the president's proposed increase in funding for the FDA to keep our food supply safe. Gonna go out on a limb and guess zero.
Georgia's nuttiest congresswoman got into it on Twitter last night with her fellow Republican Rep. Dan Crenshaw.
Still going after that slot on Russia Today huh?https://twitter.com/repmtg/status/1524484621278363649\u00a0\u2026— Dan Crenshaw (@Dan Crenshaw) 1652303557
Damn that woman for making us agree with Dan frickin' Crenshaw!
As usual, Tucker Carlson is leading the charge. Who wants to read several thousand words of insane ranting likening the Ukraine aid package to watching your parents give your Christmas presents to the kid down the street? Oh, nobody?
LOL.
[Y]ou can't afford to fill your truck, but you now get to pay the living expenses of anyone who shows up in your country claiming to be from Ukraine and you will. And then because paying off your friends is always the real point of these exercises in Washington, there are billions more dollars for Lloyd Austin's former employers in the weapons business. That would include $72 million for something the bill describes as "research, development, test, and evaluation in Ukraine." Hmm.
Now, don't say biolabs because that's not a lab, but honestly, this is weird. Ukraine is a war zone and therefore probably not a great place for scientific research right now, but whatever. We're funding some kind of science experiments in Ukraine. No more questions from you. And the bill goes on like this and on and on.
Bioweapons lab. DRINK!
A majority of House Republicans voted for the Ukraine aid package, but apparently it's all Democrats' fault.
You should know that every single Democrat in the House of Representatives voted for this bill. That would include even Barbara Lee of Berkeley. Now, if you remember her name, it may be because in 2001, Barbara Lee of Berkeley was the only member of Congress to oppose the war against the Taliban. But a war in Ukraine is a war that Barbara Lee can support. Why? Because there's no potential chance that war could help the United States.
Also, Liz Cheney and Elise Stefanik are besties now, according to Tucker. That whole business where Stefanik shivved Cheney and took her job as GOP conference chair is in the past, and now they just braid each other's hair in the cloak room and talk about how dreamy Adam Kinzinger is.
Now, 57 Republicans did vote against last night's bill and God bless them for doing it, but many more voted for it. Of course, there was Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger and their friend Elise Stefanik. But there was also Republican leadership, top leadership, McCarthy and Scalise. Shameful. And the worst part is this bill will almost certainly pass in the Senate, which is way more left wing even than the House on the Republican side.
It's hilariously batshit in a let-them-fight-dot-gif way. And also, it's not funny at all, since we're locked in the house with these people and they are increasingly divorced from anything like reality.
There's only one solution to this problem and it is ... well, shit, if you figure it out, tell us ASAP!
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GOP Sen. Steve Daines Knows Jesus Loves Sea Turtle Baby Eggs And Eagle Baby Eggs And Human Baby Eggs Too
Not a scientist.
By now you might have heard that the Senate held its show vote to codify Roe v. Wade into law, which failed, and we knew it was going to fail, because there aren't 60 senators who agree that women and people with uteruses shouldn't have to run all their bodily decisions by the sexually frustrated underpants crossing guards who make up the partisan hack majority on the Supreme Court.
Joe Manchin joined all the Republicans to vote against the Women's Health Protection Act, because fuck Joe Manchin.
But we don't want this moment during the debates leading up to the vote this week to fall through the cracks of Wonkette history. GOP Senator Steve Daines of Montana got up there like a man with some science questions to ask, questions nobody's ever answered to his liking.
So he asked them. Men with less of the kind of self-confidence that comes from being a white man who was told he was smart as a child might not have asked them. But Steve Daines asked them.
Daines on Abortion: Why do we have laws in place to protect the eggs of a sea turtle or the eggs of eagles\u2026pic.twitter.com/yr0dM7aaAs— Acyn (@Acyn) 1652215748
“If you were to take or destroy the eggs of a sea turtle—now I said the eggs, not the hatchlings that’s also a penalty but the eggs—the criminal penalties are severe: up to a $100,000 fine and a year in prison. Now why? Why do we have laws in place that protect the eggs of a sea turtle or the eggs of eagles? Because, when you destroy an egg, you’re killing a preborn baby sea turtle or preborn baby eagle. Yet when it comes to a preborn human baby, rather than a sea turtle, that baby will be stripped of all protections in all 50 states, under the Democrats’ bill that we’ll be voting on tomorrow. Is that what the America the left wants?”
Well ...
Ahem.
Well it's not because people think sea turtle life or eagle life begins at fertilization. There aren't some kinda fucked up personhood laws for baby sea turtles. (Turtlehood laws? LOL.)
But it's ... it has to do with ...
They're endangered, you fucking troll.
Yeah, we know. Right-wing Christians are really facing a shortfall in the "domestic supply of infants" to traffic groom adopt. They probably think itty bitty babies created by Jesus are endangered.
Still though: fuck you. Nobody is entitled to anyone else's pregnancy. Ever.
Also, human women are not actually the same as sea turtles and eagles. (Fun fact!) Some elected officials in America (in the Democratic Party) even believe human women are equal citizens with agency over their own bodies! As Daines might have noticed, also, human women carry pregnancies inside their bodies as opposed to in eggs in nests.
And at least for now, human women have all these constitutional rights, the same ones men have. We know Republicans are working on doing something about that, but at least right now! And assaulting a person is against the law. Some places have enhanced penalties for assaulting a pregnant woman.
Let's be clear here. Daines is saying that human women should have less power than less protection than sea turtle eggs. That is what these histrionics about unborn babies amount to. That's what they think of women.
And Daines himself specifically believes abortion should be banned even when it's rape, even when it's incest. So yeah, he's the worst kind of garbage.
It's OK to laugh at this, though, because you probably can't see this stupid bumpkin tweeting out his fuckin' sea turtle poster without laughing, so yuk it up, by all means:
Under the Democrats' radical abortion bill, an unhatched sea turtle would have more protections than an unborn human baby.\n\u00a0\nIs that the America the Left wants?pic.twitter.com/YrUNa0czrt— Steve Daines (@Steve Daines) 1652216173
Goddamn. If these people didn't exist, the comedy writers would have to make them up.
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Here, Watch Some Congress! Or Some Baby Shark! Your Choice, Don't Care.
Live on WonkTV!
In the mood to learn about the elegant and functional thing that is "Congress"? You are in such luck, because there are some hearings going on.
Here are Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin and Joint Chiefs chair Mark Milley, testifying before a House committee. Because Republicans are very serious people, they'll probably spend most of the time asking Milley why he did critical race theory drag queen story hours to Donald Trump. Or, you know, whatever it is that they're bitching about today.
Maybe they will be mad Milley and Austin have not found the Supreme Court leaker. Sure you betcha.
And if that's not what you want to watch, then fine, watch Dr. Anthony Fauci in another House committee, in a hearing that's already in progress.
And if that isn't what you want to hear, then FINE HERE'S FUCKIN' BABY SHARK, YOU HAPPY NOW?
You are literally all watching Baby Shark right now. None of you is watching Congress.
We can tell.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here!
Wonkette is funded ENTIRELY by a few thousand people like you. If you're not already, would you pls consider being the few thousandth and one?
Susan Collins Calls Cops To Report Dastardly Sidewalk Chalk Hate Crime
Whiiiiiiiiiiiiine.
Call the ACLU! Call the ADL! Call the SPLC! GOP Senator Susan Collins has been grievously hate-crimed WITH SIDEWALK CHALK.
Wonkers, we are deeply concerned. As the Bangor Daily News was first to report, the Maine Republican called the police to report a threatening message written by an unknown person or persons defacing the sidewalk outside her home, an act of gross vandalism that can only be repaired by an afternoon shower or a garden hose.
“Susie, please, Mainers want WHPA —–> vote yes, clean up your mess,” wrote the dastardly criminal, demanding Collins vote for the Women's Health Protection Act, a federal statute to protect abortion access nationwide before the Supreme Court allows 26 states to ban it altogether. In February Collins voted against allowing the bill to advance for a floor vote.
Presumably the part about her "mess" is a reference to Collins's votes for Justices Neil Gorsuch, Brett Kavanaugh, and Amy Coney Barrett, all of whom assured her they had the greatest respect for precedent, as if they were not being put on the nation's court as part of the right's fifty-year campaign to undo every bit of social progress of the past two generations, with women's rights to bodily autonomy the grand prize.
“If this leaked draft opinion is the final decision and this reporting is accurate, it would be completely inconsistent with what Justice Gorsuch and Justice Kavanaugh said in their hearings and in our meetings in my office. Obviously, we won’t know each Justice’s decision and reasoning until the Supreme Court officially announces its opinion in this case,” she said last week, presumably sporting her signature Susan Collins furrowed brow, for terrible things she's going to expend exactly zero political capital to block.
There's no law against chalk drawings in Maine. And if there were, the police would have to arrest every eight-year-old girl playing hopscotch on the blacktop, not just people who criticize politicians, because that's how the First Amendment goes — in theory anyway. Nonetheless, Collins called the police about the chalked plea, because apparently she thinks she's entitled to a buffer zone to separate her from her critics. Unlike, say, women accessing healthcare at Planned Parenthood or the staffs of abortion clinics in their own homes, neither of whom are worthy of such protections.
“We are grateful to the Bangor police officers and the City public works employee who responded to the defacement of public property in front of our home,” Collins told the local paper.
While the police agreed that the message was "not overtly threatening,” the City of Bangor still sent a sanitation worker out on a weekend to relieve Senator Snowflake of the unpleasant reminder that some 50 million American women and girls will now be stranded in states that deprive them of the right to control their own bodies, thanks to her and the GOP.
Because when you're a star in a countermajoritarian institution, representing a countermajoritarian political party, foisting your own values on an unwilling electorate as a sop to your radical base, they let you do it.
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