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Conscience Demands We Address Events In Venezuela And Ukraine, Then Back To Zany American Bigots

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It feels wrong to just go about our usual business of making dick jokes about politics without acknowledging that the governments ofVenezuela and Ukraine are murdering peaceful protesters by the dozens. We won't pretend to have any special insight into either conflict. Maybe an appropriate thing to do is to be self-absorbed Americans and be thankful for real civilian control of the military, low levels of official corruption, relatively free and fair elections, and respect for institutions, all of which have helped prevent such tragedies from unfolding here since the early 1970s, and we can also try and be hopeful that the puzzle of sustained domestic tranquility is always solvable in the long run.


And it looks like we've got a couple hundred words left before we've earned our six pack, so let's try and anticipate every possible stupid pundit's take on Venezuela and Ukraine, assuming any of them ever notice. 

"Obama needs to show leadership." Smart analysis, bro.

"We should support the good guys." Support how, like give them guns? Shoot the bad guys with our own guns? High fives? Tweets? Yeah, high fives and tweets we can get behind. Moral support, for serious!

"We should arm the rebels." Nobody is going to say this explicitly, except John McCain probably, and possibly Graham, but you know someone's thinking it.

"We are witnessing the natural end point of socialism." Glenn Beck is already repeating this, over and over, to George Washington Eagle Goldline Beck, Jr., his pet onion.

"Obama needs to show leadership." This is George Will this time. The first one was, let's say… Krauthammer?

"Bomb Iran." Go home John McCain, you're not drunk enough.

"We should help them have a democracy." Both Venezuela and Ukraine already have what they call "democracy." Turns out you need a lot more than that. But here's hoping.

"Sanctions, do the sanctions!" Maybe in Ukraine, although that would push them closer to Russia, which is what the protesters are protesting in the first place. And Venezuela has oil. And sanctions tend to hurt the people more than the regime.

"Support the regime or the terrorists will move in." An homage to the the popular trend of learning lessons too late, then misapplying them.

"It's none of our American business." Kind of a personal thing. Some people feel like violence and injustice are their business no matter where they occur. Which sucks because there is really not much we can do here. High fives and tweets and what else? Maybe donate when it's over, if there's something worth donating to.

"Obama needs to show leadership." Yes, Peggy. Leadership. Good Peggy!

Follow Alex on Twitter.

caracaschronicles / gawker / wikipedia]

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