Russia
It Would Appear Donald Trump Lied About The Size Of His 'Obamagate'
Is that it? Bless his heart.
May 20, 2020 12:41 PM
Donald Trump and his slobbering Republican manservants in Congress are losing their shit trying to show the American people just how much #Obamagate there really was, what a Witch Hunt, what a DEEP STATE!111!! Oh my God they have been leaving snail trails all over the streets of Washington DC.
At the center of Obamagate -- as best as anyone can tell, and to be honest, our explanation is more lucid than anything that will ever slither out of the president's thin lips -- is that during the transition, the Obama administration sought to undermine the incoming president and fuck with the peaceful transition of power, chiefly by FRAMING Michael Flynn and tricking him into lying to the FBI about his improper secret conversations with the Russian government about sanctions relief. In reality, the Obama administration was faced with an unprecedented situation, namely the very real possibility -- as yet still not disproven! -- that the incoming administration and maybe the president himself were severely compromised (or worse) by Russia.
On Tuesday, the Trump administration declassified a section of an email former national security advisor Susan Rice sent herself on Inauguration Day, 2017, her last official act, to memorialize what was really going on with Flynn, so that there would be a paper trail. And kids, this declassified section was supposed to be their SMOKIN' GUN! That proves! that Obamagate! Was a thing! That happened!
Spoiler alert: It is, um, not that.
<p>It's an email Lindsey Graham and Chuck Grassley have been just <a href="https://www.foxnews.com/politics/senator-calls-susan-rice-inauguration-day-email-on-russia-disturbing" target="_blank">losing it over,</a> for <em>ages</em>. It recounts an Oval Office meeting on January 5, 2017, and here are some of the parts we already knew about, as breathlessly transcribed by Fox News in 2018:</p><blockquote>"President Obama began the conversation by stressing his continued commitment to ensuring that every aspect of this issue is handled by the Intelligence and law enforcement communities 'by the book,'" Rice wrote. "The president stressed that he is not asking about, initiating or instructing anything from a law enforcement perspective. He reiterated that our law enforcement team needs to proceed as it normally would by the book."<br><br>Rice also wrote that Obama said "he wants to be sure that, as we engage with the incoming team, we are mindful to ascertain if there is any reason that we cannot share information fully as it relates to Russia."<br><br>She added: "The President asked Comey to inform him if anything changes in the next few weeks that should affect how we share classified information with the incoming team. Comey said he would."</blockquote><p>OBAMAGATE! SMOKIN' GUN! Oh wait, that's not the Obamagate smokin' gun. The smokin' gun is the part Trump's fucking dipshit acting director of national intelligence Ric Grenell declassified yesterday. The part that was SEEKRIT before yesterday. The part that shows the OBAMAGATE!</p><p>Are you ready for it? No you cannot possibly handle it. Are you ready yet? Are you ready yet? No, you will never be able to <a href="https://twitter.com/KFILE/status/1262839727675318272/photo/1" target="_blank">OH FUCK HERE IT IS!</a></p><p><br></p><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-rebelmouse-image">
<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzMwMzU1MC9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyOTI3ODUyN30.2wxaQCITKFzeT7WjmjgVaGevp-go4EdCgzs9B7oLP-g/img.png?width=980" id="7f0b4" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f07da2c3d00cccb6cbe45076eb3fd1b4" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image">
</p><p><br></p><blockquote>[Comey] added that he has no indication thus far that Flynn has passed classified information to [former Russian ambassador Sergey] Kislyak, but he noted that 'the level of communication is unusual.' <br><br>The President asked Comey to inform him if anything changes in the next few weeks that should affect how we share classified information with the incoming team. Comey said he would.</blockquote><p>OBAMAGATE! </p><p>Or wait ... what? That's it? </p><p>OK, so the redacted section of this email that was supposed to be so incriminating was James Comey telling President Obama that he didn't <em>think</em> Michael Flynn had given the Russian ambassador classified intel, but that their "level of communication" was fuckin' <em>weird</em>. And Obama said to please tell him if anything happens that might make them reassess how much classified intel to give Flynn, you know, like maybe if they found out Flynn was leaking state secrets directly to the Russian government. Remember that Flynn had been tapped to serve as Trump's national security advisor, so this was <em>kind of a big fuckin' deal</em>.</p><p>#<em>ESCANDALO</em>!</p><p>So ... that's it. The sum total of OBAMAGATE! is that Barack Obama wanted all of this handled "by the book"; he wasn't directing any of it personally; but he did want to know if they found Michael Flynn -- <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/donald-trump-shocked-his-bestie-michael-flynn-was-literal-foreign-agent-this-whole-time" target="_blank">a literal actual foreign agent</a> -- giving state secrets to the Russian government. Oh yeah, and as the cherry on top of his fiendish plan, Obama had told Trump <em>personally</em> that he really shouldn't hire Michael Flynn -- like <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/obama-warned-trump-against-hiring-mike-flynn-say-officials-n756316" target="_blank">right after the election</a> -- because that guy was a fuckin' <em>problem</em>. But therein lay the evil genius of OBAMAGATE! You see, because Obama knew Trump was so irrationally and small-dicked-ly resentful of the black president with the prettier face beloved by billions worldwide that he would obviously <em>hire Flynn anyway</em>, thus setting the stage for Obama to ... OBAMAGATE!</p><p>Yep. </p><p>(By the way, we want you to know that this declassification was <em>personally requested</em> <a href="https://www.politico.com/news/2020/05/18/johnson-declassification-rice-email-flynn-265883" target="_blank">by Ron Johnson</a> AKA the <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/senates-dumbest-republican-wants-you-to-look-on-the-bright-side-of-coronavirus" target="_blank">Senate's Dumbest Republican.</a>)</p><p>This is the stupidest fucking thing we have ever heard. </p><p>It is not the stupidest fucking thing one of the world's stupidest fucking senators Marsha Blackburn has ever heard, though.</p><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-twitter_embed">
<iframe width="100%" height="150" scrolling="no" class="rm-shortcode twitter-embed-1262860720712146946" id="twitter-embed-1262860720712146946" type="lazy-iframe" data-runner-src="/res/community/twitter_embed/?iframe_id=twitter-embed-1262860720712146946&created_ts=1589924433.0&screen_name=MarshaBlackburn&text=Susan+Rice+knew+exactly+what+she+was+doing.+That%E2%80%99s+why+she+wrote+herself+emails+in+a+desperate+attempt+to+cover+her+tracks.&id=1262860720712146946&name=Sen.+Marsha+Blackburn" frameborder="0" data-rm-shortcode-id="ca5e37eb3a92453e1a3c11b4f2460fa2"></iframe>
</p><p>Susan Rice's email WOULD say that, says Inspector Gadget! THAT'S HOW THEY GITCHA! </p><p>It is not the stupidest fucking the world's stupidest fucking House minority leader Kevin McCarthy has ever heard:</p><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-twitter_embed">
<iframe width="100%" height="150" scrolling="no" class="rm-shortcode twitter-embed-1262910102039932928" id="twitter-embed-1262910102039932928" type="lazy-iframe" data-runner-src="/res/community/twitter_embed/?iframe_id=twitter-embed-1262910102039932928&created_ts=1589936206.0&screen_name=GOPLeader&text=Democrats+will+try+to+spin+the+contents+of+Susan+Rice%27s+email.+But+there+is+one+fact+that+cannot+be+denied%3A+multipl%E2%80%A6+https%3A%2F%2Ft.co%2FEAxlrOLVP8&id=1262910102039932928&name=Kevin+McCarthy" frameborder="0" data-rm-shortcode-id="4ad854bcb3ab8be3db3671b9974092b9"></iframe>
</p><p>LOL okey doke, Kevin. "Spying." Because it's supposed to be some sort of "scandal" that the American government was intercepting the Russian ambassador's phone calls. In other words, in Kevin McCarthy's tiny squirrel brain, spying on the Russian government <em>is tantamount to</em> spying on the Trump administration. And, well, if that's the argument they're really wanting to make, then ... </p><p>OH HEY KEVIN, what was <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/the-top-768-796-reasons-putin-wants-trump-re-elected-for-gop-rep-chris-stewart-and-idiots-like-him" target="_blank">that thing you said</a> about how you think Putin pays Trump? You said it like six months before this meeting about "spying." We can't remember the exact quote. Something like "I think there are two people Putin pays -- Rohrabacher and Trump." And then you said you were dead serious. Oh well anyway!</p><p>Ted Cruz is pretending to be so stupid he doesn't see this email as the complete self-own it is:</p><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-twitter_embed">
<iframe width="100%" height="150" scrolling="no" class="rm-shortcode twitter-embed-1262833632596627459" id="twitter-embed-1262833632596627459" type="lazy-iframe" data-runner-src="/res/community/twitter_embed/?iframe_id=twitter-embed-1262833632596627459&created_ts=1589917974.0&screen_name=tedcruz&text=Wow.++Ongoing+spying+from+an+outgoing+POTUS+on+the+incoming+POTUS%E2%80%94directed+by+Obama+himself%E2%80%94is+unprecedented+in+the%E2%80%A6+https%3A%2F%2Ft.co%2F7RGcwFjlmL&id=1262833632596627459&name=Ted+Cruz" frameborder="0" data-rm-shortcode-id="fed5469a9ca203be1cf9dcefff9bc19f"></iframe>
</p><p>Poor thing, sounds like he needs to go <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/we-are-starting-to-for-real-worry-about-ted-cruzs-wifes-well-being" target="_blank">jerk off into an empty soup can</a> or something.</p><p>The Federalist <a href="https://twitter.com/KFILE/status/1262839727675318272" target="_blank">reported</a> on the OBAMAGATE! email by leaving out all the parts that debunked the OBAMAGATE! conspiracy theory. This is expected behavior from The Federalist, because nobody even knows who funds The Federalist. Maybe there are THREE people Putin pays? Somebody should check on that, eh, Kevin McCarthy? </p><p>In response to the declassification of this email, former NSA Rice <a href="https://twitter.com/erin_pelton/status/1262875136065183745" target="_blank">has released</a> a statement that amounts to "Yeah that's my email, it's a fuckin' good one too." She adds that they really should declassify the transcripts of Michael Flynn's phone Snapchats with the Russian government, so that everybody can READ TEH tRANSCRIPT!</p><p>Surely the Trump administration isn't trying to hide anything in there, right? You know, like maybe Donald Trump <a href="https://twitter.com/nedprice/status/1262918912066424833" target="_blank">personally giving the order</a> to Flynn to tell Moscow to cool its jets, because President Russian Asset would fix that whole sanctions situation as soon as he had officially been sworn into the presidency Moscow helped him "win"?</p><p>Or maybe something like this?</p><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-twitter_embed">
<iframe width="100%" height="150" scrolling="no" class="rm-shortcode twitter-embed-1262918913169424389" id="twitter-embed-1262918913169424389" type="lazy-iframe" data-runner-src="/res/community/twitter_embed/?iframe_id=twitter-embed-1262918913169424389&created_ts=1589938307.0&screen_name=nedprice&text=Or+does+it+have+something+to+do+with+the+fact+that+the+former+Acting+AG%2C+%40SallyQYates%2C+testified+that+Flynn%E2%80%99s+%E2%80%9Cunde%E2%80%A6+https%3A%2F%2Ft.co%2FoomqMQstri&id=1262918913169424389&name=Ned+Price" frameborder="0" data-rm-shortcode-id="41c62586dd0715ffb1f2d9d6c478fb74"></iframe>
</p><p>Guess there's only one way to find out. </p><p>RELEASE THE MEMO! READ TEH TRANSCRIPT!11!1 OBAMAGATE!</p><p><strong>Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter <a href="http://twitter.com/evanhurst" target="_blank">RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!</a></strong></p><p><strong>Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE FINANCIALLY.</strong><br></p><p></p><p><a href="https://amzn.to/33mKzZe" target="_blank">Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons</a>.</p><p></p><p></p><form name="donation" method="post" class="donation-form"><p class="subheadline">How often would you like to donate?</p><div class="form-row row--plan"><label class="plan-type__label"><input type="radio" name="plan_type" value="once" class="plan-type" required="" checked> Just once
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The Internet
Flat-Earther Lady Tries To Use Sovereign Citizen Meme Logic To Get Out Of Wearing Mask, Fails
Don't believe everything you meme.
May 18, 2020 10:55 AM
Earlier this month, we highlighted a meme making the rounds on the stupid part of the internet, featuring a card for people who don't want to wear masks to carry that says they don't have to wear a mask because they have a "medical condition" and that if anyone asks them what medical condition they have, that is a HIPAA violation and they can be sued.
This is, of course, not at all how anything works. But that doesn't mean no one's going to try it. And this weekend, someone did.
An Orange County, California, woman named Shelley Lewis posted a video to Facebook this weekend showing herself trying to enter a Gelson's supermarket in Dana Point without a mask. It did not work, but she said many extremely stupid things in the process, including the thing about how she has a medical condition that makes wearing a mask a risk for her and that it's a HIPAA violation if anyone asks about it.
<p><br></p>
<p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-twitter_embed">
<iframe width="100%" height="150" scrolling="no" class="rm-shortcode twitter-embed-1262074477921198082" id="twitter-embed-1262074477921198082" type="lazy-iframe" data-runner-src="/res/community/twitter_embed/?iframe_id=twitter-embed-1262074477921198082&created_ts=1589736978.0&screen_name=kharyp&text=Karen+gets+upset+that+a+store+won%27t+let+her+shop+without+a+protective+facemask.+She+then+tried+to+pretend+like+she%27%E2%80%A6+https%3A%2F%2Ft.co%2FDK3ouNc69S&id=1262074477921198082&name=Khary+Penebaker" frameborder="0" data-rm-shortcode-id="881b541c6149d7c011d6f95b13f8893d"></iframe>
</p>
<p>The manager responded by telling her she could not come in, but that they would be happy to do her shopping for her. Lewis seemed to think this was merely a ploy to get her bank information and steal all of her money and possibly her entire identity, who knows. The clerk outside who had to deal with her shit responded by jauntily dancing to Michael Jackson's "Don't Stop Til You Get Enough" while cleaning a cart.<br></p><p>Lewis posted this to Facebook thinking she was gonna be getting an avalanche of support and "You go girls," and instead was widely mocked for her behavior by pretty much the entire internet for all of Sunday. She has since deleted the video and gone private on Facebook. </p><p><a href="https://www.facebook.com/search/top/?q=shelley%20lewis%20dana%20point&epa=SEARCH_BOX" target="_blank">Her neighbors were not surprised.</a></p><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-rebelmouse-image">
<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzI4NjQwNy9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1MzQ0MjEzMH0.ozHjZY3WXyUUx0OhcPsmRXdJo2UEJCFvdEAePwbqJ3E/img.png?width=980" id="c71b5" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="990650603698e8801c0d46a4ee7eb93e" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image">
<small class="image-media media-caption" placeholder="Add Photo Caption...">Wonder if Shelley Lewis knows that she's gone viral 😂We should all go to Gelsons & support them for handling this with class & for protecting their staff 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼</small></p><p>But it doesn't stop there! Apparently Shelley Lewis (who sometimes goes by the names <a href="https://twitter.com/veganchefshelly?lang=en" target="_blank">Michelle Irwin Lewis</a> or Shelly Lewis) is not only an anti-masker but she is also an anti-vaxxer and a flat-earther. In 2019 she spoke at a flat earth conference. </p><p>People in the Facebook comments accused her of lying about everything she claims about herself, but we are not invested enough to investigate. Her bio information does sound a lot like bullshit though. </p><blockquote><span></span>Shelley Lewis is a passionate truther, a licensed holistic health practitioner, a certified lymphologist, a vegan chef, photographer, and co-director and co-producer of The Plane Truth Documentary. She holds a Bachelor of Science degree from the United States Military Academy at West Point, where she entertained hopes of becoming an AstroNOT.<br><br>Shelley served in the Army for 5 years where she jumped out of airplanes and became a paratrooper. She began her long quest for answers after being honorably discharged from the Military with a medical condition: Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease (Lupus). Through many years of studying and research, she found help through a vegan diet, lifestyle changes, and alternative medicine.She is co-Executive Producer and Co-Director of the grassroots documentary: The Plane Truth with JMTRUTH PRODUCTIONS. Look for it in 2020.</blockquote><br>You cannot, in fact, look for this documentary because it seems she and her flat earth buddy had a very public breakup.<p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-youtube">
<span style="display:block;position:relative;padding-top:56.25%;" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="9c6cb81e6e46f64e21c242c37cf50b07"><iframe type="lazy-iframe" data-runner-src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/mKQUDXrlEn4?rel=0" width="100%" height="auto" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;width:100%;height:100%;"></iframe></span>
<small class="image-media media-caption" placeholder="Add Photo Caption...">FLAT EARTH INFIGHTING 🤼 - JM Truth vs Shelly Lewis (Supposedly Shelly)</small>
<small class="image-media media-photo-credit" placeholder="Add Photo Credit...">
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKQUDXrlEn4" target="_blank">www.youtube.com</a>
</small>
</p><p>Tragically, Michelle/Shelly/Shelley's YouTube videos have <em>also</em> been wiped from the internet. There is an hour-and-a-half-long interview with her about the earth being flat, but none of us should subject ourselves to that. </p><p>The earth is round, vaccines are good, masks are necessary for now, and crank magnetism is a real thing. But the real moral of this story is that you can't just believe everything you see in a meme, particularly if you are the sort of person who is going to go to the grocery store and make a giant fool of themselves and then post it to the internet thinking they're cool. </p><p>Also that dancing grocery store clerk deserves a medal of some kind. </p><p>[<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/glbmtk/karen_gets_upset_because_shes_not_allowed_to_shop/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">r/PublicFreakout</a>]</p><p><strong>Wonkette is independent and fully funded by readers like you. Click below to tip us! Also if you are buying stuff on Amazon, </strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&linkCode=sl2&tag=wonkette0f-20&linkId=e6057399a4696aad6e79c000ca483f54&language=en_US" target="_blank"><strong>click this link</strong></a><u><strong>!</strong></u></p><p></p><form name="donation" method="post" class="donation-form"><p class="subheadline">How often would you like to donate?</p><div class="form-row row--plan"><label class="plan-type__label"><input type="radio" name="plan_type" value="once" class="plan-type" required="" checked> Just once
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Stolen Elections
Eric Trump Knows We All Collectively Invented Pandemic So Daddy Can't Do Rallies
Muahahahahahaha?
May 18, 2020 09:23 AM
Eric Trump — a fella who really ought to just be counting his blessings, re: mask mandates right now — stopped by the Judge Jeanine Pirro show on Saturday night to discuss how mad he is there are still stay-at-home orders and limits on gathering sizes and his theories about why they are happening.
He opened with a real zinger.
You can go buy a bottle of vodka at a liquor store, but you can't go to church. You can go to Planned Parenthood and get an abortion, but you can't go to the public library to vote.
Yes. Because a fucking virus is out here making moral judgments.
We've been hearing this line a lot, despite the fact that it is the kind of thing one should realize is very stupid the moment it comes out their mouth. People seem to think it's very clever and that when people hear it they will say "Oh boy, I never thought of it that way!" and not "Because in a church you stand very close to people. People who are often singing, which we know is basically the quickest way to get COVID-19 from someone who has it. Choirs are dropping like flies. Or at least spreading it very quickly among themselves. And it is no less safe to buy a bottle of vodka than it is to buy a bag of flour. WHY WOULD IT BE LESS SAFE? IT INVOLVES THE EXACT SAME AMOUNT OF PERSONAL INTERACTION!"
<p>After that little bon mot, he then explained that the <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/democratic-economic-stimulus-package-full-of-nice-things-mitch-doesnt-want-you-to-have" target="_blank">HEROES Act</a>, the purpose of which is to help people and make things safer, is a Trojan horse, because it has stuff in it about allowing mail-in-voting, a thing that would obviously make us all a lot safer and help us vote. Republicans want to pretend as if they are guarding against voter fraud, but the real truth of the story is that they know that the more people vote, the more likely they are to lose. Because of how their policies are not actually very popular. Voter fraud, in reality, is very rare and — when it does happen on a large scale, organized by a campaign — quickly detectable, even with mail-in ballots. Like with <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/nc-republican-actively-sought-fraudy-campaign-dudes-help-after-2016-fraud-allegations-allegedly" target="_blank">what happened</a> with North Carolina Republican Mark Harris's congressional election back in 2018. </p><p>Trump started discussing what he thinks this quarantine is really about, which is trying to deprive the world of his Daddy's incredible charm in order to make him lose the election. He really, truly thinks we are doing this quarantine shit because we don't want his Daddy to have the rallies he loves so dearly, because that is the <em>only</em> way we can ever beat him.</p><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-twitter_embed">
<iframe width="100%" height="150" scrolling="no" class="rm-shortcode twitter-embed-1261830337702707201" id="twitter-embed-1261830337702707201" type="lazy-iframe" data-runner-src="/res/community/twitter_embed/?iframe_id=twitter-embed-1261830337702707201&created_ts=1589678770.0&screen_name=JudgeJeanine&text=Executive+Vice+President+of+the+Trump+Organization+and+the+son+of+the+president+%40EricTrump+Trump+joins+%E2%80%9CJUSTICE%E2%80%9D+to%E2%80%A6+https%3A%2F%2Ft.co%2FW7WgWRf8nF&id=1261830337702707201&name=Jeanine+Pirro" frameborder="0" data-rm-shortcode-id="1f51353834d625d51503182bd98662ca"></iframe>
</p><p>He explained:</p><blockquote>They think they're taking away Donald Trump's greatest tool, which is being able to go into an arena and fill it with 50,000 people every single time, right? So they will, and you watch, they'll milk it, every single day between now and November 3. And guess what? After November 3, coronavirus will magically all of a sudden go away and disappear and everybody will be able to reopen.</blockquote><p>Well if that's the case, then people definitely shouldn't vote for Donald Trump. I certainly don't want to spend the rest of my life doing this shit. And hey, if Democrats can pull off faking a worldwide pandemic where literally everyone everywhere has to stay home just to win this particular election, then just imagine what they can accomplish! </p><p>Please, we're gonna put Jared in charge of the Middle East when there's this kind talent lying around? <em>I don't think so. </em></p><p>[<a href="https://twitter.com/JudgeJeanine/status/1261830337702707201" target="_blank">Judge Jeanine</a>]</p><p><strong>Wonkette is independent and fully funded by readers like you. Click below to tip us! Also if you are buying stuff on Amazon, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&linkCode=sl2&tag=wonkette0f-20&linkId=e6057399a4696aad6e79c000ca483f54&language=en_US" target="_blank">click this link</a>!</strong></p><p></p><form name="donation" method="post" class="donation-form"><p class="subheadline">How often would you like to donate?</p><div class="form-row row--plan"><label class="plan-type__label"><input type="radio" name="plan_type" value="once" class="plan-type" required="" checked> Just once
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Right Wing Extremism
WTF Is Wrong With Former Trump Doc Ronny Jackson? A Wonkette Science Theory!
We could be wrong, but we could also be NAILED IT.
May 15, 2020 02:34 PM
Let's talk about former White House doc Ronny Jackson, the one who stood in the White House press briefing room and said with a straight face — a glowing straight face — that Donald Trump was a slender and virile man whose genes are as astonishing as a common Jane Fonda's; that if he were any younger, he probably wouldn't even be born yet; that his stamina was like oxen, testicles like bull, pleasing is the fragrance of his perfumes, legs like gazelle or young stag, I DELIGHT TO SIT IN HIS SHADE, HIS FRUIT IS SWEET TO MY TASTE, LET HIM LEAD ME TO THE BANQUET HALL AND LET HIS BANNER OVER ME BE LOVE!
We may be paraphrasing, but slightly.
After that performance, as a treat, Donald Trump decided to let Dr. Ronny be secretary of the VA, but that didn't work out because something something Drinky McPillpusher.
Well, as you know, he is now an official wingnut, and he is running for Congress in Texas's 13th, and he does not like you saying Donald Trump's "Obamagate" conspiracy theory is "stupid" or "totally made up" or "just more evidence of the president's rapid mental decline." After all, Dr. Ronny was the one who gave Trump that brain test, and was Trump not able to circle "camel" on the first try? He circled "camel" on the first try. Dr. Ronny SEEN IT.
And he doesn't like it when you call Trump's Twitter troll (acting) Director of National Intelligence Ric Grenell a drooling unqualified lapdog or point out that he's helping Trump manufacture a fake "UNMASKING!11!!" scandal by releasing exclusive information we've all known since 2017, about Obama officials taking completely appropriate actions in the midst of a Russian attack on our democracy for the benefit of Donald Trump.
SO FUCK YOU, HATERS!
<p>It started with this tweet, where Dr. Ronny accused the Obama administration, for which he also served as the White House doctor for <em>years</em>, of "spy[ing] on President Trump," and called them "Deep State traitors."</p><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-twitter_embed">
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</p><p>The next day, Jackson doubled down with a statement:</p><p>Let's embiggen that.</p><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-rebelmouse-image">
<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzI4Mjk5MC9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyOTI1NTE4MX0.-UfZwDO0oYsCcG8SPkoTpqZL9ulfT2Qz2DQf5YToLoI/img.png?width=980" id="0a946" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="71ac23eb92ac03eee4aaaf1c61412d59" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image">
</p><blockquote>Once again, the "mainstream media" comprised of liberal mouthpieces and producers of FAKE NEWS, has demonstrated why an overwhelming number of Americans continue to distrust the national press. Their malicious and biased attacks on anyone associated with the Trump administration undermines our democratic process by continuing to sew [<em>yep, "sew"</em>] division amongst the citizens of this great country. [...]<br><br>Blinded by their hatred of OUR President and their desire to defeat him at any cost, Democrats have exposed their complete disregard for the truth. Democrats are now rejecting official government reports from the Acting Director of National Intelligence [<em>hahahahahahahahahaha</em> = Ed] because they think it hurts Joe Biden's chances of defeating President Trump. [...]<br><br>I stand by my comments calling out President Obama's administration for weaponizing our government to spy on President Trump and his supporters. I will never apologize for standing up to protect America's national security interests and constitutional freedoms, even if that means triggering liberals and the "mainstream media." As a retired Navy Rear Admiral, to suggest that I don't have my country's best interests at heart is patently false and offensive to not only me, but all veterans.</blockquote><p>Oh. My. God. </p><p>So this is weird!</p><p>Former Obama officials, many of whom are now known as Pod Save America-ers, were actually kinda stunned, since they worked with this guy for years, and even <a href="https://www.cnn.com/politics/live-news/ronny-jackson-trump-va/h_250e6c89ad66d0798414e4130dcd4303" target="_blank">said nice things</a> about Dr. Ronny, while we were all busy making fun of him fawning all over Trump's sexxx body.</p><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-twitter_embed">
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</p><p><br></p><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-twitter_embed">
<iframe width="100%" height="150" scrolling="no" class="rm-shortcode twitter-embed-1260618340759994368" id="twitter-embed-1260618340759994368" type="lazy-iframe" data-runner-src="/res/community/twitter_embed/?iframe_id=twitter-embed-1260618340759994368&created_ts=1589389808.0&screen_name=TVietor08&text=Ronny+Jackson+was+friends+with+Obama+and+his+entire+staff.+I+never+heard+him+make+a+partisan+statement.+So+it%27s+rea%E2%80%A6+https%3A%2F%2Ft.co%2Ft85khxWMX2&id=1260618340759994368&name=Tommy+Vietor" frameborder="0" data-rm-shortcode-id="4ac79ba5d4244a550eda747e756a26ef"></iframe>
</p><p><br></p><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-twitter_embed">
<iframe width="100%" height="150" scrolling="no" class="rm-shortcode twitter-embed-1261027174448013321" id="twitter-embed-1261027174448013321" type="lazy-iframe" data-runner-src="/res/community/twitter_embed/?iframe_id=twitter-embed-1261027174448013321&created_ts=1589487281.0&screen_name=AlyssaMastro44&text=During+my+time+in+the+White+House+Ronny+Jackson+was+my+colleague%2C+my+friend+and+my+doctor.+I+thanked+him+in+my+book%E2%80%A6+https%3A%2F%2Ft.co%2Fo20e4QjUeh&id=1261027174448013321&name=alyssa+mastromonaco" frameborder="0" data-rm-shortcode-id="fdd6378120e7c1373255ab13e103f39e"></iframe>
</p><p>We see two possibilities here:</p><p>Maybe Dr. Ronny Jackson was always secretly a stupid and bad person, and now it's just all coming out. Could be!<br></p><p><span></span>But we'd like to suggest an alternate theory, one that the Pod Save-rs might or might not agree with. Maybe Dr. Ronny is a pilot fish, like never-Trumper Steve Schmidt <a href="https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-features/lindsey-graham-senate-trump-928948/" target="_blank">said of Lindsey Graham,</a> "a smaller fish that hovers about a larger predator, like a shark, living off of its detritus." Dr. Ronny, any way you look at him, is a <em>little bitty fish</em>. Maybe he's empty inside, devoid of self, just a dirty, dirty, hollowed-out fish skin, and he latches onto power wherever it is, just like Lindsey Graham does. When John McCain was alive to be boss of him, Graham was a marginally decent human being, but when John McCain died and left him alone, Graham jumped up inside Donald Trump's asshole and swore to defend his new daddy against all enemies foreign and domestic.</p><p>Maybe Dr. Ronny is like that. Barack Obama didn't die, but he sure didn't put Dr. Ronny in a suitcase and sneak him home and let him live in the attic after his presidency ended. </p><p>Maybe Dr. Ronny is the love child of Lindsey Graham and a wet slice of baloney, is what we are saying. </p><p>Oh <em>PLEASE</em>, they have basically the same voice.</p><p>Could happen, Lindsey Graham could be a dad, you don't know.</p><p><strong>Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter <a href="http://twitter.com/evanhurst" target="_blank">RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!</a></strong></p><p><strong>Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE FINANCIALLY.</strong><br></p><p></p><p><a href="https://amzn.to/33mKzZe" target="_blank">Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons</a>.</p><p></p><p></p><form name="donation" method="post" class="donation-form"><p class="subheadline">How often would you like to donate?</p><div class="form-row row--plan"><label class="plan-type__label"><input type="radio" name="plan_type" value="once" class="plan-type" required="" checked> Just once
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