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Cool Proposed Massachusetts Law Would Make Sure You Don't Spread Your Legs Until Your Divorce Is Final

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Usually we dig on Massachusetts because it is chock full of gay-loving liberals (though we are a little worried about your Jew-jailing schoolchildren right now) but that is because we forget about the weird Republicans that also inhabit the Bay State. Recently, one of them coughed up this dog's breakfast of an idea: why not punish slutty slut slut people who think they can just get divorced all willy nilly and still keep having sex?


In divorce, separation, or 209A proceedings involving children and a marital home, the party remaining in the home shall not conduct a dating or sexual relationship within the home until a divorce is final and all financial and custody issues are resolved, unless the express permission is granted by the courts.

Totally reasonable!

Who doesn't want to wait for a judge to give you the go-ahead to have sex, even though you are already an adult person! And also, we have no idea how the law gets enforced. Does the court get to come over and hang out at your house to make sure you don't do the nasty? Do you have to have court-supervised visits with any possible gender of people you might want to have sex with, because lord knows one moment you're just hanging out and then you realize it is date and holy crap you have broken Massachusetts law now and you should go to jail forever and ever, or at least not get custody of your kids.

It doesn't take a genius to realize this is just a way for people going through a divorce -- people who are already MASSIVELY PISSED OFF at one another -- to fuck with each other during the divorce and custody process by declaring that they are certain that the other parent is getting some illicit nookie and is therefore unfit.

Also too, given Massachusetts' divorce timeframe, you could be waiting quite a while to get laid.

Massachusetts law currently mandates a waiting period of at least 120 days for divorces to become finalized, and that’s only after a judge has approved the separation agreement. In other words, it could take at least four months, if not longer, before a person getting a divorce is legally allowed to fornicate.

Four months. FOUR MONTHS! And that's if everything in your divorce is going hunky dory. (Doktor Zoom interjects: freakin' IDAHO has a 20-day wait provided a couple stipulates to an agreement and takes their parenting class. Bunch of wild-eyed libertines in the Gem State.) Think how long your dry spell could be if your soon-to-be-ex decides to drag out the process.

To sum up: this law is literally the worst, and if you live in Massachusetts -- hell, if you live anywhere, really -- you should call or write Richard J. Ross, sponsor of this bilious piece of sex-shaming drivel, and give him what for. And while you get started on that, yr Wonkette hopes he enjoys his nomination for our coveted Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year Award.

[Think Progress/Massachusetts Senate Bill S787]

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