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From the "Lighten up, it's only a JOKE" files, we have this delightful little ditty about "Dead, dead Michael Brown, Baddest thug in the whole damn town," which was performed at an Elks Lodge in Glendale, California, following a charity golf event on Dec. 15, according to TMZ. The dinner was organized by former LAPD officer Joe Myers, and was attended by between 50 and 60 people, roughly half of whom were retired law enforcement officers. TMZ's source for the recording is identified only as someone at the event who "videotaped it because they were offended by the song and upset no one was objecting." You know, a troublemaker who simply doesn't respect people's privacy (there's your lede, Mr. Hannity).

The song was written and performed by would-be satirist Gary Fishell, whose new lyrics for the Jim Croce classic (the original was a favorite in fourth grade because we could sing "damn") are a model of satirical creativity:

Michael Brown learned a lesson about a messin'

With a badass policeman

And he's bad, bad Michael Brown

Baddest thug in the whole damn town

Badder than old King Kong

Meaner than a junkyard dog

Two men took to fightin'

And Michael punched in through the door

And Michael looked like some old Swiss cheese

His brain was splattered on the floor

And he's dead, dead Michael Brown

Deadest man in the whole damn town

His whole life's long gone

Deader than a roadkill dog

Gosh, it's amazing how he took that song about a guy dying in a fight and turned it into a song about a guy dying in a fight! It's just too bad we missed the initial stanzas while the source was turning on their phone. We'll also confess that we're disappointed that the video cuts out with the last note of the song. Did the audience react with whoops? Polite but scattered, uncertain applause? Astonished silence? We'll go out on a limb and bet no one stormed out in protest, but it would be nice to know.

Of Fishell, we learn from his attorney that the aspiring Weird Al for the Stormfront set

is a P.I. who once worked as an investigator for the Federal Government. His lawyer tells TMZ, Fishell now realizes the song was "off color and in poor taste." The lawyer adds, "He's a goofball who writes funny songs." We asked why Fishell would sing this in a room full of cops, and the lawyer replied, "He thought the room would get a kick out of it."

If Steven Bochco ever does a reboot of Cop Rock, here's your guy. We're not sure who seems nicer, Fishell, his attorney, or event organizer Myers, who offered this robust defense of Mr. Fishell's songcraft:

"How can I dictate what he [Fishell] says in a song?" Myers goes on, "This is America. We can say what we want. This is a free America." Myers adds ... he's done this as an annual event for decades and has raised a lot of money for charity. [peculiar punctuation verbatim from TMZ -- Dok Z]

A trustee of the Elks lodge told TMZ that the dinner was not an official Elks event, but that as a member of the lodge, Myers had the right to and that "many" members of the lodge were upset by the song. The trustee explained, "It's deplorable and inappropriate and the Lodge will take disciplinary action against [Fishell] and possibly the people who organized this event."

Yr Wonkette wishes to take this opportunity to point out that, in condemning this song, we are in no way encouraging violence against police, members of the Elks lodge, or hacks who create or perform unspeakably stupid song parodies.

[TMZ via RawStory]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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