School Openings Have, Uh, Not Been Going Very Well

All of this seems like it might be bad.

Last week, several schools across the country opened and welcomed children back to class. That may not last too long, as we already have a bunch of headlines about how many of those children now have COVID-19.

On the first day of school at Greenfield Central Junior High School in Indiana, one student tested positive and was sent home. Shaker High School in Latham, New York, had to close after an employee tested positive. As one Atlanta-area school got ready to open, a whole bunch of football players tested positive. Given that 260 employees in the Gwinnett County school system have either currently tested positive or interacted with someone who did, opening was going to be difficult there to begin with. One Indianapolis school, which opened on Monday, has already had three positive cases. An employee at Collierville High School in the Memphis suburbs also tested positive, as did three football players. Not a high school, but a Georgia sleepaway camp also suffered a pretty huge outbreak last month.

Call me crazy, but it does not seem like this has been going well. It seems like an especially bad idea to go back to school in a state that is on a coronavirus upswing, and an even worse idea to play football. Like, at all, for any reason, as football is a game where you have to touch other people, tackle other people, and which involves a ball that other people have also touched with their possible corona-hands.

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Kushner's Crew Had A Coronavirus Plan, But Decided To Blame Blue State Govs Instead. LOL!

The flames!

What's worse than putting Jared Kushner and his canoe of douchebros in charge of America's pandemic response? How about making a plan then scrapping it because Kush decided it would be politically advantageous to let the virus rip through blue states and then blame Democratic governors for letting their own citizens die?


For months now we've been hearing about the presidential son-in-law and his handpicked posse of MBA brahs, the "A-team of people who get shit done," as one described the group to Politico. Kush and his dude crew were so confident that they knew better than the doctors and epidemiologists and infectious disease scientists and government procurement officers that they shoved all those dorks to the side and decided to handle the nation's coronavirus response themselves.

Well, first they tossed the Obama team's pandemic response plan in the trash. Then they told the nerds to go play with their pocket protectors or whatever, and got to work on their Mighty Morphin Power Ranger Super Bigly Brain COVID-19 Response Plan.

Only they didn't know what the fuck they were doing, so they just started reaching out to their contacts and buying up lots of random stuff on the government dime. Stuff like $52 million of coronavirus tests that randomly showed up in a DHL truck at the United Arab Emirates embassy in DC. After shipping them out, the government discovered that the tests were defective, possibly because they hadn't been properly refrigerated. Oopsie! So who was responsible for the fuckup? Who greenlighted the transaction? No one knows! That's kind of the point of the Power Ranger Helmet — you can't see which dipshit kid is under the costume.

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2020 presidential election

Post Office Suddenly Delaying Deliveries​ Months Before Election, What Could It Mean?

If only there were some motive for slowing down the mail. Think! THINK!

Donald Trump's war on the US Postal Service is rolling right along, with a sudden series of cutbacks that are ostensibly aimed at "saving money" but that are resulting in mail piling up and not getting delivered. Nothing all that unusual, just proof of the Republican credo that government is terrible and needs to be eliminated. And if some agency does work fairly well, then it needs to be fucked up so people realize government is worthless.

This latest round of embuggerance comes to us courtesy of Trump's recently confirmed Postmaster General Louis DeJoy, a big Trump donor who hates him some unions and seems to want to make the USPS more cost-effective by cutting hours and services, even if it means the mail barely gets delivered, or doesn't. The most efficient thing of all would be to simply not deliver any mail at all. Just think of the savings!

What the hell is up here? Trump's long-standing hatred of the Postal Service starts with his erroneous belief that Amazon isn't paying enough for package delivery. (Like other high-volume customers, Amazon gets a discount, but the Post Office still makes a profit. It has to, by law.) Nobody can tell him he's wrong, and he'e really mad that Amazon gets any discount at all because Jeff Bezos owns the Washington Post. Yes really. So he threatened to veto any emergency coronavirus aid for the USPS unless it quadrupled what it charges to deliver packages. That didn't happen, which means your Wonkette Bazaar shirts are still $19.99 instead of $35.

But with the coronavirus pandemic, and Republicans resisting calls for voting to be made safer via expanded voting by mail, Trump has a far more important motive: If he can fuck up the entire postal system, maybe the resulting chaos will help him hold on to his office. For months now he's been lying and lying about mail-in ballots, and now, it sure as hell looks like DeJoy, Trump's pet postmaster, is helping out. Oh, sure, it's only a matter of saving money, we believe that.

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Here Is Your House Coronavirus Hearing With Dr. Fauci And Two Clowns

How about those clowns on the COVID-19 Task Force? What a bunch of clowns!

Just a couple days after the US death toll from from COVID-19 reached 150,000, Congress is holding hearings on the US coronavirus response, such as it is, featuring Dr. Anthony Fauci, CDC Director Robert R. Redfield, and Assistant HHS Secretary Adm. Brett P. Giroir, the Trump administration's top guy on testing, at least on the days when Donald Trump isn't telling him we need to reduce testing.

While all have testified to other committees previously, this will be the first time any of them have appeared before the House's Select Subcommittee on the Coronavirus Crisis, chaired by Rep. Jim Clyburn (D-South Carolina).

We imagine there are quite a few questions the committee members will have for them. Like "Is there any plan at all?" "Are you fucking kidding me?" and "Does Donald Trump know the virus doesn't give two shits what you call it?"

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