Remember last week, when Texas and the federal court system took a shit all over women's rights and then flushed them both down the toilet? And the government did basically nothing but issue angry press releases?

Well, looks like my government is finally doing something about it!

Yesterday, the DOJ sued Texas to stop enforcement SB 8, which bans basically all abortions by, as the DOJ puts it, "deputiz[ing] private citizens ... to serve as bounty hunters."

Correctly pointing out that "Texas enacted S.B. 8 in open defiance of the Constitution[,]" the United States asks a federal court to find that the law is unconstitutional under the Fourteenth Amendment's Supremacy Clause, preempted by federal law, and a violation of intergovernmental immunity. The DOJ is seeking a declaratory judgment that the law is some illegal bullshit (paraphrasing), and for it to be enjoined.

As the lawsuit lays out,

It takes little imagination to discern Texas's goal—to make it too risky for an abortion clinic to operate in the State, thereby preventing women throughout Texas from exercising their constitutional rights, while simultaneously thwarting judicial review. Thus far, the law has had its desired effect. To date, abortion providers have ceased providing services prohibited by S.B. 8, leaving women in Texas unacceptably and unconstitutionally deprived of abortion services. Yet, despite this flagrant deprivation of rights, S.B. 8 remains in effect.

The legal issues

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Some Asshole Hotelier Sends Big Scary Lawyer After Your Wonkette!

Oh we are quaking in our boots over here, wanking motion.

Last week, your beloved Wonkette received a very serious letter accusing us of ALL THE LIBELSLANDER.

Remember the CARES Act PPP loans for "small businesses" that ended up going to major corporations and Trump sycophants who gave lots of speech money to various Republican assholes?

Well, back in April of 2020, Doktor Zoom wrote this lovely piece about how hotel mogul and Trump donor Monty Bennett was the largest recipient of funds from CARES Act's Paycheck Protection Plan, getting $96 million for his business empire from the Small Business Administration. Oh, and he did this while laying off 95 percent of his staff. NBD!

Monty was, apparently, VERY UPSET that we wrote true, mean things about him. SO upset, in fact, that, 16 months after Dok's post, he decided to have Holland & Knight partner Stephen Rasch (aka expensive big-firm lawyer) send us a letter, accusing us of defiling his good name. And our Editrix, Rebecca, asked me, a First Amendment attorney in recovery, to respond.

I think I love you

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Texas Abortion Ban Sadistic, Psychopathic, Dumb As Hell

Every part of SB 8 is a parade of horribles, and they like it like that.

Welcome to Gilead.

Two days ago, because this is the Bad Place, a Texas law banning basically all abortion and deputizing abortion bounty hunters went into effect.

I am not exaggerating when I say SB 8 is the most batshit, psychopathic, sexist law I have ever seen actually take effect. And I used to work at the ACLU of West Virginia — I have seen a lot of shit!

All abortions after six weeks — or two weeks after the first missed period, if you are completely regular with your periods — are now illegal in Texas. And, just in case destroying people's lives wasn't enough, anyone can sue anyone who may have possibly thought about helping someone get an abortion. (Really, you can be sued for intending to abet an abortion that does not take place.) And, like SER and Robyn already told you, this week, the Supreme Court essentially overturned Roe v. Wade in secret. First, by failing to act. Then, by acting in the worst way possible.

I'm not sure if "misogyfascist" is an actual term, but I've decided to roll with it.

It's all bad.

Now let's take a look at what this draconian abortion of a bill actually does!
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Judge Releases The Kraken On Sidney Powell And Lin Wood

'This lawsuit should never have been filed.'

"This lawsuit should never have been filed."

That is both a direct quote from and the basic gist of Judge Linda Parker's opinion in King v. Whitmer. This week, the universe was given the gift of Judge Parker's opinion yelling at Trump's krackhead lawyers for bringing a rotting squid carcass into her courtroom.

(Okay, that last part is paraphrasing.)

Last fall, Judge Parker drew the short straw and was assigned Sidney Powell and Lin Wood's Michigan case trying to overturn the election.

As it turns out, Judge Parker was none too pleased with moldy sushi from the shores of Lake Michigan stinking up the courthouse. As she summarizes to begin the opinion,
This lawsuit represents a historic and profound abuse of the judicial process. It is one thing to take on the charge of vindicating rights associated with an allegedly fraudulent election. It is another to take on the charge of deceiving a federal court and the American people into believing that rights were infringed, without regard to whether any laws or rights were in fact violated. This is what happened here.

And so, Parker ordered each plaintiffs' lawyer in this case to pay the State of Michigan and City of Detroit's costs and fees, and also take classes about how to be lawyers.

She also referred each lawyer — Sidney Powell, Lin Wood, Emily Newman, Julia Haller, Brandon Johnson, Scott Hagerstrom, Howard Kleinhendler, Gregory Rohl, respectively — to the disciplinary authorities where they're admitted to practice law. There, their licenses could be suspended or revoked. (Also known as "doing a Guiliani.")

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