Cover Your Babies' Eyes, Donald Trump Jr. Is On The TV!

The unexplained medical mystery that occurred the first time Donald Trump attempted to reproduce with a human woman (that we know of) appeared on "CBS This Morning" today to promote the new book somebody helped him write. It is called Maybe One Day My Daddy Will Say He Really Loves Me, just kidding it is called I Feel Bad About My Face, just kidding it is called Are You There, God? It's Me, Don Jr., WAIT WHERE ARE YOU GOING, GOD?, just kidding it is called Triggered.

It is about the libs.

Wonkette has not read the book, and does not intend to, so in that way, we guess we're kinda like the president of the United States.

It was a bad interview. Let's watch it together and say the funny parts:

Donald Trump Jr. talks new book, says "there are very few people" his dad can "fully trust"

Gayle King started by asking Junior why everybody wants to impeach his dad, and Junior said "READ THE TRANSCRIPT!" (We did, it is full of crime.)

But you might be surprised to learn Junior (says he) is fine with the impeachment process, because "it's totally gonna vindicate" Daddy, because Daddy does nothing wrong and is perfect always.

But you know who Junior says impeachment is going to hurt?

People in the middle. There are still reasonable people left in this country. I spend a lot of time with them in Middle America. I had somebody come up to me at the airport in DC saying, "I wish they'd just let him do his job!"

We bet that person in the airport was a total "people in the middle" and they really for real talked to Junior and said nice things about his Daddy. Know who else makes up imaginary friends who say nice things to him and call him "Sir"? Daddy.

Junior addressed rumors that maybe he is a hypocritical little smegma face for talking about Joe Biden's son benefiting from who his daddy is by agreeing that yes, he has gotten things because of who his own daddy is, before parroting lies about Hunter Biden receiving ONE POINT FIVE BILLION DOLLARS from China, a number that is not based in any sort of reality, which only the stupidest people in America would believe, which is why Junior and Daddy and their followers believe it.

Junior also claimed that the Trump Organization stopped doing "new deals abroad" after Daddy became president. Shockingly, this is not quite true.

He responded to his asshole sister's asshole tweet comparing her father to Thomas Jefferson "surrounded by enemies and spies," and said they are all "establishment" and "looking for their next gig," and that they're just protecting themselves "on all sides, both sides" because they don't like how his daddy is draining the swamp. For a guy who just wrote a book called Do I Have To Call Her Mommy?Triggered, it was a remarkably even-keeled answer, even if he is LOL full of shit.

Junior threw some shade at Rudy Giuliani, though. Just watch this video, where Junior says JARED is doing a good job and IVANKA is doing a good job and MIKE POMPEO is doing a good job, and the host asks "Is Rudy Giuliani doing a good job?" Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh ... sure! Why not! Yeah, Rudy!

The rest of the interview was WAAAAAAAH nobody congratulated my daddy for murdering the leader of ISIS with his bare mini-paws and WAAAAAAAH transgender people play sports and WAAAAAAAAAH ... wait what? Transgender people playing sports?

Yes, Junior is upset about that.

TRUMP JR.: I think we're actually all pretty let -- live and let live. So is my father. But today, you know, it's sort of the "woke" goalposts. They keep moving. The example I use in the book is obviously as it relates to, you know, trans women in sports. Identify how you want. I think it's wonderful. I don't care. When you start saying, "Okay, I'm a man. I've become a woman. I'm now winning national championships, setting weightlifting world records," you know, displacing women who've worked their entire lives to get to a point in their careers, I think that's wrong. And that's the point. The goalposts never stop moving.

Dunno what that's all about, but we are guessing a transgender person beat Junior at hoops and he has never recovered.

In other Junior news, apparently in his book he writes that his dad can't be racist because his dad let him and Eric play with Michael Jackson when they were little (???).

About that:

BRB, washing our skin off.

Junior also said on "Fox & Friends" this morning that one time his dad told him that he needs to stop tweeting, to which he replied:

"This may be the one place where I'm just going to say, 'I'm on my own,'" he added, "and maybe you don't have the authority to start talking about this."

Way to grow a little pair, Junior! Don't let that senile tweet-pooping idiot tell you what to do, he's not your real dad, just kidding he is, we can tell because he gave you his bad face!

In summary and in conclusion, Junior's new book is called Diaper Don Juan: The Donald Trump Jr. Story, just kidding it doesn't matter what it's called, because nobody is going to read it.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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