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Coy Loughner Upsets Political World By Being Registered Independent

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The media are going to dig up information about Arizona alleged murdertard Jared Loughner until his every thought and last inane syllogism have been broadcast to the American public. A star has been born! (You really shouldn't give the youngs the satisfaction of instant fame for something like this. That's all 22-year-olds want.Learn this insight and more from the Internet's smartest rising young political blogger, Jack Stuef, who is on Twitter.) Idiots of both partisan shades of excrement are trying to prove Loughner is a member of the other's political party, despite the now rampant evidence he just thinks in inane syllogisms about space shuttles. And unfortunately, he registered as an independent, which, for the hyper partisans out there, is his worst crime of all.


Suspected Tucson gunman Jared Lee Loughner registered as an independent voter in Arizona in the fall of 2006, according to the Pima County Registrar of Voters.

Loughner registered to vote on Sept. 29, 2006, identifying himself as an independent. Records show he voted in the 2006 and 2008 elections but is current listed as "inactive" on the state's voter roles -- meaning that he did not vote in November.

What an asshole! Throw the political media a bone, insane person who just allegedly murdered a bunch of people!

If we are to parse this, we would say that, because he didn't vote in 2010, he must not have liked John McCain very much:

If you like John McCain, you will vote for him when he comes up for election.

Loughner did not vote when he came up for election in 2010.

Therefore, Loughner did not like John McCain.

If you did not like John McCain, you would have voted for the other major candidate in the 2008 election.

Loughner did not like John McCain.

Therefore, Loughner voted for that Kenyan communist warthog.

See! That was fun and stupid. We sort of remember the novelty of doing those in college.

(In reality: Loughner probably licked his own name onto the ballot. Or wrote in "Loughner Buxx-brand currency.") [WP]

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And now for some very serious TUT TUTTING! It's time again for Republicans to make sad words about President Treason McTraitorpants selling out the country. This time they are seriously concerned, nay even deeply troubled, that Donald Trump would stand next to Vladimir Putin and pretend the Russians didn't hack the 2016 election. These patriotic Republicans are shocked, SHOCKED! Well, not, like, upset enough to do anything about it -- not with a fascist carpooler to jam into the Supreme Court. But they've got tweets, so it's all good!

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Republicans are in a pickle. Midterms are coming up and the party in the White House usually loses seats in those elections. It doesn't help their chances that their guy Donald Trump frolics through fields holding hands with self-made Russian dictator and coincidental poisoner Vladimir Putin, who our own justice department believes attacked our mostly free elections and our true national monument, the Internet.

If you're as old as I am, you'll recall that back in the 1980s, the whole Republican brand involved not trusting the Ruskies, and they were especially disappointed when Kevin Costner turned out to be one in No Way Out. Now, the current Republican president is talking like some kind of crazy commie lib, bashing the FBI and giving the benefit of the doubt to a former KGB agent. During an interview Sunday where he wore a hat with "USA" in big letters on it, presumably so someone could easily return him if he got lost on the field trip, Trump went so far as to call the European Union a "foe" of his country, which if you believe his hat is supposedly the United States not Russia.

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