CPAC Furries - WonketteYour typical social conservative hates Mitt Romney, loves anonymous sex with other costumed social conservatives. Pic credit: The Examiner.

Last week brought CPAC, a sort of Star Trek convention for conservatives, to DC. And with CPAC came the conventioneers, the costumed idiots, the presidential candidates, the sycophants, and the alcoholics just looking to get drunk on Grover Norquist's tab.

An extremely bored booth employee BlackBerry'd us an exclusive CPAC report on Saturday. After the jump, see what you missed over at the OmniShoreham.

From: [Redacted]

To: Wonkette

Subject: CPAC Report

So, CPAC is apparently a sucking vortex of unintentional (and unnoticed) irony. For instance, at the exhibit hall, there is a booth for some Black Republicans group - and some speakers have noted the existence of black Republicans. I have yet to see the booth occupied at all (though I have it on good authority that two white chicks were passing out their materials yesterday). The booth reserved for the New York Conservative party is completely deserted- no people, no publications. Next to the Ann Coulter booth, which is plastered with her face and patriotic colors that frankly freak me the fuck out (and definitely give off a kind of fascist cult-of-personality vibe) there is a booth seeling bumper stickers that say "So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute." There is a cutout cartoon of Hilary that has been vandalized and borrow very heavily from the JibJab aesthetic, and they're handing out Hilary barf bags which aren't even lined (so if you used them, you'd still puke on your own shoes). I have yet to see the plushie dolphin with the T shirt that says "Flip Mitt", but the Mitters are here in force and they may have beaten him up. The volunteers at the Brownback booth, ahem, packed up early and left.

And there's nearly no one here who thinks any of that is funny. In fact, I'm not sure many people here recognize actual humor -- people seem to take themselves very seriously. I'm glad I brought a flask -- it'll make enduring the rest of this much more bearable.

From: [Redacted]

To: Wonkette

Subject: CPAC addendum

Oh, and McCain won the South Carolina straw poll, even though he's the only one not here with volunteers. Or, as rumor has it, *because* he's the only one without a volunteer army to annoy the crap out of everyone.

From: [Redacted]

To: Wonkette

Subject: More CPAC costumes

The Grim Reaper is making the rounds with a sign that says "Keep Abortion Legal" and an adult women in a baby outfit with a sign that says "Babies for Life". Because of the creepy factor of infantilizing grown women, I'm siding with the Reaper.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc