And that's how you do it, Sunday shows!
Hello Wonks! Welcome to a Before-Election Sunday Show Rundown! All the network Sunday shows featured new panel designs for their Election Night extravaganzas. From the subtle:
Oh, what a lovely brunch.
to an "Apple Store 4th of July":
Facebook in human form
to a gawdy "Holy shit, someone's overcompensating for something"!
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!!!
But today's we'll mainly focus on RNC Chairwoman and secret Romney, Ronna
Romney McDaniel. Appearing on "CNN's State of the Union with Jake Tapper," McDaniel was making just one of her many Sunday show stops to put a bow on the Republican message going into this Tuesday's elections. What she didn't expect was Tapper channeling a honey badger and creating the most excruciating nine minutes of McDaniel's weekend.
Trump makes the midterms about scary brown people, and Republicans have a white nationalist problem. Your morning news brief!
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Scott Paul Beierle killed two women at a Tallahassee yoga studio on Friday night.
Another week, another mass shooting. Last night, 40-year-old Scott Paul Beierle walked into a Tallahassee hot yoga studio and opened fire, killed two women, injured five others, and then killed himself.
These people are fucking insane.
A couple weeks ago, some very bad people did a very bad vandalism to a campaign sign for US Rep. Jeff Fortenberry of Nebraska: They painted on Fortenberry's face big googly eyes, and changed his name to "Fartenberry." You SHOULD NOT laugh at it, because it is far worse than a juvenile joke: it is vandalism, and political violence, said Fartenberry in a tweet:
Political violence, including the vandalism we see right here in Lincoln, is a threat to good citizenry and free expression in our republic. It is not funny. It is never acceptable.
Probably worth noting that a photo of the violently vandalized sign was posted to Facebook on October 21 by the group "seeing Red Nebraska." The next day, of course, a bomb was left in George Soros's mailbox, and on Tues., Oct. 23, bombs addressed to prominent Democrats were found all over the place. So yes, Fartenberry was glomming on to national concerns over a bomb plot directed at Democrats to whine Poor me! because someone made fun of his name, the poor dear.
Most of us -- like me, Farty Smelley -- are able to let go of childhood insults by the time we grow up, but even being elected to Congress hasn't erased the sting for poor Jizz Fartenberry, STOP LAUGHING IT IS NOT FUNNY.
Of course, if that's all there was to Fartenberry's petulance, it would have been a no-day story, people would have mocked him on Twitter for being too touchy, and everyone would have moved on to laughing at Jacob Wohl and his conspiracy pal who held a presser with his fly open, as we actually did. But of course there was more idiocy to be milked from this, because apparently everyone who works for Jeff Fartenberry is an asshole, too.
You see, the Sunday the photo hit Facebook, a University of Nebraska-Lincoln political science professor, Ari Kohen, saw it, snort-laughed, and hit "like" on his phone, because *snerk, "fartenberry"!* Unfortunately, it turns out a Fartenberry campaign staffer in Lincoln saw that Kohen had "liked" the photo, so that staffer screengrabbed the offensive "like" and sent it to Fartenberry's DC office. Fartenberry's chief of staff, Dr. William "Reyn" Archer III, knew what had to be done, so he called the naughty professor and left a message demanding to speak to him.
Boy, is he uppity!
CNN's Don Lemon callously disrupted all the racial harmony we've enjoyed in Donald Trump's America when he declared Monday that "white men are the devil." No, actually, he didn't pull a Louis Farrakhan, to invoke a familiar bogeyman. He just stated inconvenient facts.
LEMON: I keep trying to point out to people and not to demonize any one group or any one ethnicity. But we keep thinking that the biggest terror threat is something else, someone, people who are marching, you know, towards the border, like it's imminent. So, we have to stop demonizing people and realize the biggest terror threat in this country is white men, most of them radicalized to the right, and we have to start doing something about them. There is no travel ban on them. There is no ban on -- you know, they had the Muslim ban. There is no white guy ban. So what do we do about that?
Naturally, this caused all the people who don't see race to suddenly see theirs and feel attacked and "demonized." Welcome to the club. The DJ in the "Stop and Frisk" room is playing some early Britney Spears. Lemon isn't suggesting we actually "ban" white men. If we did that, who'd tell us our opinions are wrong? He's just pointing out that Americans tend to exaggerate perceived threats, presuming the worst in those who don't look or worship like them. America just suffered the deadliest anti-Semitic attack in US history, following a terrifying period when a deranged Trump supporter mailed out explosive devices to prominent Democrats including more than one former president. How does the current president respond? He rants about possible rock-wielding immigrants. We have seen the enemy, and we refuse to accept it's us.
Just when you think he can't get more racist. Just kidding, you knew he could.
The latest appalling thing Donald Trump has done -- honestly, who can even keep count these days? -- is the release of a racist attack ad that depicts illegal immigrants as the single greatest threat to America other than Democrats. I'm not linking to the ad because I'm not helping drive up Trump's engagement numbers, but you can find it pinned to the top of his Twitter page with the following absurd proclamation: "It is outrageous what the Democrats are doing to our Country. Vote Republican now!" It's basically a less subtle version of the "Futurama" PSA advising horny teenagers against sex with robots: "The next day Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens. That planet was Earth! DON'T DATE ROBOTS!"
Trump has taken time from his busy schedule of hate-mongering to remind voters just days before the midterms about Luis Bracamontes, a twice-deported Mexican immigrant who killed two police officers in 2014. When convicted, he expressed no remorse for his crimes and even vowed to "kill more" cops. Bracamontes was executed in April, so he now poses at least 20 percent less of a threat. Democrats apparently support an "open borders" policy with hell, so let's not get too comfortable.
But at least Tucker Carlson stood up for 'free speech' (by Nazis).
The neo-Nazi Twitter clone, Gab, has suspended operations in the wake of the Squirrel Hill massacre. Gab's CEO, Andrew Torba, posted a whiny statement to the site that says Gab is "not going anywhere," which is the tech equivalent to Trump's "confidence" in any given staffer. Without a free-speech platform like Gab, Torba has been frantically shitposting on Twitter and hoping a major media outlet will quote him blowing a dog whistle. Torba has even asked his favorite orange autocrat for a patriotic bailout so he can keep fighting the Silicon Valley liberal elites who are telling the Nazis to shut the hell up.
Shortly after people discovered the Pittsburgh shooter (now charged with
multiple hate crimes) was a Gab user, they began combing through his posts and found he had a long history of anti-Semitic rants. Even though Gab quickly offered some thoughts and prayers, the biggest names in internet infrastructure suddenly announced they were pulling the plug on Gab. You know, because it's full of Nazis.
Let him take you by the hand and show you the way!
North Carolina's Lt. Governor Dan Forest has released a video showing step-by-step how to commit voter fraud in North Carolina. Forest says it's so simple that even a Mexican caravan could steal an election. And it's all because the state doesn't have voter ID laws. So much for democracy!
"Committing voter fraud is easy in our state," says a smiling Forest looking into a camera as he lays out his three-step plan to steal an election. According to Forest, "First do your prep work and wait until the polls close on the last day of early voting." Then you need to go the state website and look for people who've voted once in the last four election cycles. These are people who Forest calls "lazy voters." Then cross reference that with people who've already voted during early voting period. Simply highlight all those "lazy voters" who didn't already vote -- those are the people you're going to impersonate. Finally, amass an army of people willing to run around to polling places all across the state on Election Day.
"It's that simple," Forest concludes, "and all because North Carolina doesn't require a photo voter ID."
Did Simona put you up to this, bro?
Sorry to pop your pimple, Lil Papi, but you got about as much of a shot at withdrawing that Mueller guilty plea as Yr FDF does of playing for the NBA. (And she's 5'2" and 43 years old!) Feel free to ride that wingnut wave to a spot on the grifter speaking circuit, but you'll still have to serve that paltry two-week sentence for lying to the FBI. And you ought to be damn grateful it wasn't two years!
This week, George Papadopoulos is making the rounds at various Trump outlets to pretend that he's maybe for real this time going to withdraw his guilty plea and blow the lid off this dirty, dirty Mueller investigation. Sure, he got hammered that one time and told Australia's former foreign minister that Russia had Clinton's emails and intended to leak them to help Trump. But, umm, somethingsomething HILLARY arglebargle FBI, ipso facto res ipsa loquitur it's all a plot to frame poor Georgie for loving Trump too much.
White men still shooting black people all over the country. Crickets.
There's a disturbingly good chance you're unaware that two people were shot and killed Wednesday at a Kroger grocery store in Louisville, Kentucky. Gregory Bush, who is white, was seen in surveillance video trying to enter a predominately black church and possibly pull a Dylann Roof barely 15 minutes before he killed Maurice Stallard and Vickie Lee Jones, who are both black.
Louisville resident Ed Harrell reportedly was waiting for his wife in the parking lot when he heard gunshots and then crouched by his car with a revolver (because it's Kentucky, so of course he's packing). Harrell called out to Bush to ask what was going on, which I'm going to go ahead and say was dumb. Bush replied, "Don't shoot me. I won't shoot you. Whites don't shoot whites." For someone who lives in the deep South, it's strange that he's never heard of the Civil War.
Harrell watched in shock as Bush got in his car and left. I don't want to judge a likely terrified civilian too harshly, but black people don't normally walk away from encounters like this. "Chill, man. I won't shoot you. Blacks don't shoot.... oh, crap, yeah, I'm dead. I didn't think this through."
Laura Ingraham, Other Gross People Think Trump's Enemies Should Stop Hitting Themselves With Fake Bombs
There is no bottom.
Wow, the Deep State sure picked some obvious targets, like people the entire Right hates.
A whole bunch of Trump fans were positively giddy Monday at the news George Soros was targeted with a mail bomb (or at least with a bomb placed in his mailbox). But yesterday's news that package bombs were also sent to Barack Obama, the Clintons, Maxine Waters, CNN, and other liberal targets -- this morning that includes Robert DeNiro and possibly Joe Biden -- has left many conservatives astonished at this rash of political violence. Which is of course not really violence, but a fake Democratic plot to make Republicans look bad, duh. No rightwing kook has ever done violence ever, and if you say "Oklahoma City" you're lying because Tim McVeigh was a racist and don't you know the Democrats started the KKK?
They're pretty much the same thing.
On Monday, someone attempted to murder George Soros by putting a bomb in his mailbox. Also on Monday, someone threw a rock into House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy's office. Also, I spilled some hot coffee on myself. These are all things that happened on Monday, and were by some measure unpleasant. While most people might say, "Yes, all of those things are unpleasant, but they are not equal degrees of unpleasant," most people are not Chuck Schumer.
In what appears to be an attempt to get someone on Fox News to describe him as a "reasonable guy," Schumer sent out a tweet today lamenting the "despicable acts of violence and harassment" being done by "both sides."
Turkey's drip-drip-drip, Trump strips away MORE healthcare protections, and Alex Jones yells at a pile of shit. Your morning news brief!
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
These sequels keep getting dumber.
Did we say Bone Saw Week was over? Remind us never to do that again! This horror show has more episodes than the Friday the 13th movies. The pixels had barely dried on our Friday afternoon post on the murder of dissident Saudi reporter Jamal Khashoggi, a US resident, when the Saudi government came out with yet another preposterous explanation for Khashoggi's death.
What had happened was, a 60-year-old reporter walked into the Saudi consulate in Istanbul and started a fight with 15 armed men who had flown in just hours before to meet him. Despite having told his friends that he could never safely go home to KSA, he came to discuss returning to the Kingdom with the 15 men. One of whom was a coroner. And another of whom had brought a bonesaw for the discussion. And his favorite autopsy play list. Unfortunately, a fight broke out between the reporter and the 15 men, and Khashoggi got dead. Something happened to his body, and then all the men got on a plane and went home so the consulate could get on with repainting. Several of the men made calls to the royal palace that day, but Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman never knew anything about their rogue operation. And now MBS will supervise a commission to reform his kingdom's intelligence service to ensure that no further fisticuffs take place in Saudi diplomatic facilities. So, we good?
Clean up your shit, or find a new place to live, Julian!
Earlier this week, the Ecuadorian embassy in the UK told Julian Assange that it would evict him if he didn't stop being a slob and start taking care of his cat. Assange responded today by announcing he is taking legal action and claiming Ecuador violated his human rights by making him do his own laundry and pay rent. (He is reminding us of THIS awesome dude, who sued his parents for refusing to live anymore with a dude as awesome as he.) Pretty soon they're going to tell him to do things like "get a job" and "move out." GAWD, parents and embassies offering asylum to scumbag freeloaders are just the worst!
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