Donate

No money to drive you around in a golf cart, buddy.


The federal government is still shut down today, after a weekend in which Republicans said there was no way they'd talk about fixing DACA until Democrats vote to reopen the government and Democrats said there was no way they'd vote to reopen the government without a guarantee that DACA recipients won't be deported. As of this morning, Senate Majority Turtle Mitch McConnell has said he might be willing to allow an immigration bill to be debated sometime in February if a vote later today reopens the government for three weeks. Heck, when Mitch McConnell offers a generous non-promise like that, how can Dems fail to jump at it? McConnell sure sounds sincere here:

“Let’s step back from the brink,” he said. “Let’s stop victimizing the American people and get back to work on their behalf.”

That probably was less than encouraging to DACA recipients, who are by now accustomed to hearing Republicans say they'll definitely do something to help, sure, just wait a little longer, OK?

Monority leader Chuck Schumer doesn't seem inclined to trust vague assurances that maybe Republicans will allow a DACA fix to go forward, at some point, real soon:

“Not only do they not consult us, but they can’t even get on the same page with their own president,” he said. “The congressional leaders tell me to negotiate with President Trump; President Trump tells me to figure it out with the congressional leaders. This political Catch-22, never seen before, has driven our government to dysfunction.”

In the meantime, Donald Trump has been doing his best to help, lying about the stakes and suggesting solutions that not even Mitch McConnell takes seriously:

Yes, that's the same Donald Trump who said he cares so much about the Dreamers. But you see, he's just not so hot on the DACA, which he thinks is totally different and bad, because those people, unlike the Dreamers, are nasty illegal immigrants.

And the one thing Donald Trump knows about the Senate is that it has the filibuster, and so his one solution to everything is to suggest getting rid of it so Republicans can pass anything with a one-vote majority,even though McConnell has always said, nah, not interested, because while he's an asshole, he's not an idiot, and knows that he wouldn't want to lose the the filibuster when Rs are in the minority (which should be coming to you in January 2019, if there is a God and Jesus).

Trump also spent the weekend without getting to golf, which really had to upset him; he was shut away in the White House all weekend and didn't go to his big inauguration anniversary party in Florida. He did at least have an official photographer release a picture of him working very hard for the American People, as one does:

It was a big hit on the Twitters!

Also, the White House answering system's outgoing message -- at least for the public comment line -- got an important update to blame Democrats for the shutdown:

Thank you for calling the White House. Unfortunately, we cannot answer your call today because Congressional Democrats are holding government funding -- including funding for our troops and other national security priorities -- hostage to an unrelated immigration debate. Due to this obstruction, the government is shut down.

Very presidential!

As an indication of just how unwilling they are to deal, top Democrats said over the weekend they'd even be willing to let the big jerk and his phone have some money to play with building a wall, if that would secure a deal on DACA. Schumer said Sunday that when he'd met with Trump Friday before the shutdown, Trump had

“picked a number for the wall, and I accepted it.”

“It would be hard to imagine a much more reasonable compromise,” he added. “All along, the president saying, ‘Well, I’ll do DACA, dreamers, in return for the wall.’ He’s got it. He can’t take yes for an answer. That’s why we’re here.”

On ABC's "This Week," Illinois Congressman Luis Gutiérrez, who has previously said any wall funding would be unacceptable, has reached the point of saying fuck it, let's waste money if it will help Dreamers:

“I think the wall is a monumental waste of taxpayer money,” he said. “Having said that . . . if that’s what the hostage takers [demand for] the dreamers, if that’s their ransom call, I say pay it.”

In a signal the long golfless weekend may have been getting to Trump, the "president" immediately emerged from the White House, demanded a helicopter and a jet to fly him to Algeria, and began shouting "Attica! Attica! Attica!"

Yr Wonkette remains open during the crisis. Please click here to help us with emergency shutdown rations.

[WaPo / USA Today / BBC / AOL]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

$
Donate with CC
Image: Dana Rohrabacher's office

The Associated Press finally called the race in California's 48th Congressional District late Saturday for Democratic challenger Harley Rouda, bringing an end to nearly 30 years in Congress for US Rep. Dana Rohrabacher. Over the years, Rohrabacher had represented not only his super-conservative Orange County district, but also the Taliban and Russia, and as his district has become more liberal -- or at least less frothingly rightwing John Birch Society-esque -- it was probably only a matter of time until his seat went blue. Rohrabacher's enthusiastic defenses of Donald Trump and of Vladimir Putin only hastened the swing this year. Too bad, so sad!

Let us bid a fond but not drawn out farewell to one of Congress's more spectacular idiots while we hope he's joined by many others, soon.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

HOLY WEEKEND NEWS DUMPS! While Donald Trump was across the ocean getting dunked on by Emmanuel Macron and skipping ceremonies for war heroes because he was scared his shithole hair would get messed up, journalists kept digging into the life and times of Trump's fake acting attorney general Matthew Whitaker, and DAMN. All's we know is that the Deep State must fuckin' HAAAAAAAAATE that guy, whose appointment was probably completely illegal and unconstitutional in the first place so why are we even talking about this.

We already knew bits and pieces about Matt Whitaker's scammy scummy fraud-y old gig, on the advisory board of a scammy scummy fraud-y company called World Patent Marketing, that did some MILD FRAUDS. When customers got mad, Whitaker would write them mean threatening letters. (You should read about how they "scammed US military veterans out of their life savings," as The Guardian puts it. Happy Veterans Day!)

What we didn't know -- and what one of the victims and also some other unknown people (deep state!) were more than happy to tell the Wall Street Journal -- is that FUCKIN' COMPANY IS UNDER FBI INVESTIGATION. And Whitaker was on the advisory board! And he made videos for the company! And he sent those mean threatening letters! What we're saying is that Whitaker is in deep.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc