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Cruel Shoes

* Heard on the Hill: Due to slow restocking at the Sharper Image, Tom DeLay has yet to receive his Gaydar -- and, therefore, could not have tried to fire an openly out former House clerk...More reports of missing money and Rep. William Jefferson. Perhaps they should look under the mattress?...Ladies hoping to shank someone with the dagger-like heels of their Manolo Blahnik stilettos may want to think twice before entering the Hart Senate Office. [Roll Call]


* Yeas and Nays: Interns can save the price of postage by handing in their homemade Capitol Hill sex tapes to Larry Flynt in person. He'll be in town attending the annual Larry King Cardiac Foundation gala. [Examiner]

* Under the Dome: Senate Finance Committee thinks there may be something up with the 12,748 companies housed in a five-story Cayman Islands office building...Sen. Johnny Isakson is looking a little tougher these days, but he's got nothing on the cold stare of Sen. Majority Leader Harry Reid. [The Hill]

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It's the night before the two-night Democratic primary debate extravaganza, and we're already tired. Turns out having 20 candidates spread across two nights when only six or eight of them matter is not the must-see TV we all thought it was going to be! But that's not to dissuade you from getting excited! We're excited! We're so excited! We're so ...

Giphy

SCARED!

In case you need a reminder, here is how it's going to go down:

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Lately he's been blowing smoke from another orifice.

After a cursory examination of the TWELVE filings in the case against California Congressman Duncan Hunter just in the past 24 hours, we can confidently declare that that guy is a fucking idiot. The prosecutors have him by every last one of his short and curlies -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to pay for hundreds of thousands of dollars of ski trips, video games, tuition, and plane tickets for the family rabbit.

A rational human being would have pleaded down a year ago and given up his congressional seat, since he could cash out and make a lot more money as a lobbyist anyway. But not Duncan Hunter! He made the federal government chase him down and document every last carton of cigarettes, round of tequila, and Uber ride of shame home from his many girlfriends' houses in a 60-count indictment filed last August. And still this dumb sumbitch refused to admit he was caught, even after his lovely wife (and co-conspirator) Margaret Hunter flipped on him this month -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to carry on multiple affairs and you piss off the US Attorneys enough that they put every 7 a.m. Uber ride in your indictment.

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