WHAT IF BARRON HEARD ABOUT THIS?
Yesterday, it was revealed that in Michelle Obama's forthcoming memoir she states that she will never forgive Donald Trump for his ridiculous birtherism conspiracy shit. While that might seem like the mildest of all possible "mean" things one could say about Donald Trump, Sean Hannity and his guests were simply aghast during his show last night at how she could put forth such divisive rhetoric instead of "going high" and just letting it go. As we all know, the cruelest thing one can do to a Republican is to simply... mention that they said something messed up, or to repeat their words back to them verbatim.
God, we love this woman.
Michelle Obama has written a memoir, Becoming, that you should all pre-order right now so you can rejoice in the majesty of her life. She's always been real, unlike the current cubic zirconia first lady, so you might wonder how much real-er she can manage to be. Well, Obama easily ascends to the top of the Cheryl Lynn scale of realness when she reveals that she suffered a miscarriage 20 years ago that left her feeling "lost" and "alone." She also shares for the first time that both her daughters, Malia and Sasha, were conceived through in vitro fertilization.
New rule: Asylum only for Russian workers at Trump resorts. Maybe Norwegians, too, we'll see.
The Trump administration is rolling out some truly evil fuckery on immigration today, rewriting how the US considers the cases of people asking for asylum at the southern border. In essence, the new directive will trash the asylum laws as written by Congress so that only people applying for asylum after crossing the border at an official port of entry will be considered. Those crossing outside ports of entry will be far more likely to be subject to immediate deportation. The new rules, expected to go into effect almost immediately, are likely to be challenged in court the moment they're implemented, since the Executive branch is attempting to override established law. Trump apparently figures his Supreme Court will let him do whatever he wants, and with his new crowd of creeps, he might even be right, who knows?
2000 deja vu all over again
Florida has been a hot mess of electoral shenanigans if not outright fraud for as long as I can remember. I still have the Katherine Harris-inflicted scars from the 2000 election. Tuesday night, Republicans Ron DeSantis and Rick Scott pulled ahead in the vote counts for Florida governor and senator, so they just sort of stopped counting. Not counting votes is a reliable, Supreme Court-approved strategy. Why wait for all those pesky returns to come in when we've already tabulated the results from the Republican candidates' own homes? They even counted those votes twice!
Guess he'd know from shitholes.
Ted Nugent, a native of Michigan, took to Facebook Wednesday to express his displeasure at the
Badger Chevrolet Wolverine State for electing a whole bunch of Democrats, and maybe one Democrat in particular if you know what he means and we think you do.
Fox News Cancels Caravan 'Crisis,' Re-Declares War On Jim Acosta And Sharks And Happy Holidays And ...
These guys are shameless
Good news, everyone! Carol's lake house in Minnesota has checked in "safe" on Facebook from that awful caravan crisis, which unlike what conservatives think about climate change was definitely man-made. You probably recall the story about the Marie Antoinette of Minnesota whom Donald Trump had scared even more shades of white about an invading army of hostile poor people. This "caravan of migrants" would not stop until it reached a state that is only habitable for human life for about two weeks in May. Then would come the raping and pillaging in an undetermined order until even innocent lake houses were "occupied."
Mr. Trump's dystopian imagery has clearly left an impression with some. Carol Shields, 75, a Republican in northern Minnesota, said she was afraid that migrant gangs could take over people's summer lake homes in the state.
"What's to stop them?" said Ms. Shields, a retired accountant. "We have a lot of people who live on lakes in the summer and winter someplace else. When they come back in the spring, their house would be occupied."
What's to stop "them"? Absolutely nothing ... that isn't, say, a midterm election that happened Tuesday! The caravan probably packed it in on Wednesday, because what's the point? All eligible voters have been terrified. Turns out the caravan didn't contain gang members after all but just the electoral version of the creatures from Monsters, Inc. who live on fear.
White House now literally distributing fake news. But we still see Trump crapping all over the Mueller investigation.
After yesterday's completely fuckbonkers press conference with Donald Trump, the White House announced it was suspending press credentials for CNN's Jim Acosta. Acosta had angered the Great Man by asking too many questions yesterday, including one where he challenged Trump's characterization of Central American asylum seekers as an "invasion," and, after Trump told him to sit down and shut up, another in which he asked about the pipe bombs sent to CNN, which prompted Trump to say, "When you report fake news, you are the enemy of the people." Not that Trump was condoning violence, because Trump would never do such a thing except when he fantasizes about punching protesters in the face or declares a congressman who body-slammed a reporter for asking a question "my kind of guy."
The Mueller killer is IN THE HOUSE.
Okay, NOW WE PANIC. Trump firing Attorney General Jeff Sessions and shoehorning in partisan meathead Matthew Whitaker to murder the Mueller investigation during the lame duck session is DEFCON 1. The White House knows Adam Schiff, Elijah Cummings, and Eric Swalwell are about to investigate the shit out of them, and they're reasonably confident that the Special Counsel has indictments in the works for Don Jr. for lying to Congress and conspiracy to violate campaign finance law, among other things.
Which is why John Kelly called Sessions yesterday morning and told him to get out immediately, refusing even to let the Attorney General finish out the week. If you believe Vanity Fair, the White House expected Junior to be indicted as soon as today, so they needed the Mueller slayer in place to put the kibosh on it ASAP. And this time, they weren't going to take a chance with someone ethical. Enter Matthew Whitaker, a partisan hack who isn't afraid to plunge his hands into a mixture of slime mold and shit, right on up to the shoulders.
This woman is not okay.
Yesterday was one of the most racist election days in memory. Vote suppression tactics fueled by MAGA hate collided with the voting rights of millions of minorities in America. In some cases, we were left screaming at the TV like, "HOW THE FUCK IS THIS EVEN HAPPENING?" Take the case of poll worker Juanita Barnes, who decided it was her God-given right to fuck with black women who were trying to *vote. (*Disclaimer: It's not that fucking with black people who are trying to vote is ANYTHING NEW, it's just that now we all have cell phones, collective political power, and can drag their asses on social media until they beg for mercy.)
Good news from the frontlines!
Election night upsets are what justify getting only five hours sleep because you stayed up watching returns. What happened in Florida, Georgia, and Texas -- while upsetting -- aren't genuine upsets. They are both disappointing and something the "man, this country bites" part of you expected to happen all along. So, let's focus on the fun upsets, where creeps are sent packing and good folks prevail.
Lucy McBath, Georgia's Sixth District
This is the district Tom Price vacated to screw over the nation during a short-lived and shameful tenure as secretary of Health and Human Services. McBath is an electoral Batman -- inspired to run for office after her 17-year-old son, Jordan Davis, was murdered by a gun-toting white asshole in 2012. Davis couldn't vote for his mom but the 15 percent of black folks in the suburban Atlanta district sure as hell did. She will probably defeat the anti-gay by even Anita Bryant standards Karen Handel. I say "probably" because there's likely a recount and the assorted underhanded Georgia shadiness to plow through first, but McBath's kicked breast cancer's ass twice so I think she's got this. For Jordan.
Oh, and I'm officially greenlighting a "Lucy McBath" movie, and I expect a Best Actress nomination -- not Best Supporting, Best Actress -- for the
lead (Zoe Saldana or Kerry Washington), not Emma Stone or Mandy Moore or whoever they cast to play Handel.
Oh, he'll have a legacy all right!
It's easy to blame Georgia's Secretary of State Brian Kemp, a less charming Boss Hogg-style villain, for the blatant voter suppression efforts in the state: electronic voting machines not working because someone "forgot" to send electrical cords for them, and the four-and-a-half hour lines in black districts as if the polling places were holding one-night-only concerts with the ghosts of Prince, Michael Jackson, and Aretha Franklin. It may be a winning campaign strategy: "I'm not racist. I'm just incompetent. Hell, I'm probably both. Make me governor." But Kemp was only in position for such large-scale corruption because the Supreme Court in 2013 ruled to make Jim Crow great again and gutted the Voting Rights Act.
"Our country has changed," Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr. wrote for the majority. "While any racial discrimination in voting is too much, Congress must ensure that the legislation it passes to remedy that problem speaks to current conditions."
Roberts was correct the the country had changed. Barack Obama won re-election in 2012 with a smaller percentage of the white vote than Michael Dukakis in 1988. Racial demographics had changed dramatically in almost a quarter century: White voters had gone from 85 percent of the electorate to 72, with a corresponding -- and concerning for Republicans -- increase in the electorate for blacks and Hispanics. After Mitt Romney's defeat, there were "autopsies" that argued the GOP would have to expand its tent and reach out to minorities. This was all superficial talk. Immigration reform flopped in the Senate the same month the Supreme Court gave Republicans an easier path to retaining power: cheating.
Isn't that, like, a sin or something?
Great rightwing thought leader Erick Erickson saw a news story today that proved there is NO VOTER SUPPRESSION in Georgia, and in fact, if there's any problems with voting, they were actually caused by LAZY VOTERS. So he took to the Tweeting Machine to tell the world all about it. Without providing a link to the original story, of course, because there's no chance he'd ever fib.
Now, thanks to years of experience parsing rightwing lies, Yr Wonkette was a tad suspicious about this. For one thing, what the hell is the original story? We scanned down the thread, and some helpful soul had posted the link, to a story by Macon teevee station WMAZ, with a triumphant, "see, it's REAL!" or some such comment. Except golly, Erick is stretching things more than just a tiny bit.
What's with this guy?
David Brooks, member of the Mediocre White Men Society (his uncle was on the board), is concerned that America is becoming a chocolate city. Brooks scribbled out his scary thoughts in yesterday's New York Times.
Here's the central challenge of our age: Over the next few decades, America will become a majority-minority country. It is hard to think of other major nations, down through history, that have managed such a transition and still held together.
Let's "kick the ballistics" here: "Majority-minority country" is a white supremacist concept. How are the current minorities still "minorities" if we suddenly outnumber what was once the "majority"? I remember an interview with Steven Tyler back in 1998 when he described himself as an "18 year old with 32 years experience!" This is a similarly pathetic denial of reality and the ongoing march of time except also really racist.
And who the fuck thought it was a good idea in the first place?
US Customs and Border Protection has decided maybe election day isn't such a great day to practice Border Patrol "crowd control" techniques in the west Texas town of El Paso after all. Or specifically, after Texas and national media brought attention to the exercise with a unified, incredulous, "WHAT EVEN THE FUCK?"
Mind you, it was a routine exercise, the sort of thing law enforcement agencies do routinely, although maybe what's not routine is a very public show of force in a border town ON ELECTION DAY, at the end of a campaign in which Donald Trump has been hyping fears of a "caravan" of asylum-seekers who won't arrive for weeks. Oh, yeah, and in the home town of Beto O'Rourke, the Democratic nominee for US Senate. Other than THAT, it was a perfectly routine training operation.
We have finally come to the paradoxical point where Trump did something so racist, even racists are attempting to distance themselves from the diabolical nonsense. When the "Migrant Caravan Ad" first dropped, CNN (probably realizing the media has hired enough racists) immediately declined to play that bullshit on air, because, hey, who even wants to see that shit? Well, unfortunately for us, NBC decided we really really wanted to see it during Sunday Night Football, but they were DEAD WRONG and regretted it. Because we dragged them. But we are now saved from having to see the "Hispanic Willie Horton" ad ever again, even on Fox News, because they BANNED it. Even Facebook banned it, and we all know they love doing the opposite of what's right, so, this is pretty stunning.
From the New York Times:
"NBC and Facebook, both of which had run the ad over the weekend, reversed course after a backlash on Monday and announced that the commercial would be removed, saying it fell short of their in-house advertising standards. CNN had refused to air the ad from the start, calling it "racist."
First of all, BOTH NBC and Facebook ought to be ashamed that they keep helping Trump spread hate -- NBC with nonstop coverage of his rallies, and Facebook literally giving our data to his campaign. After all the help they gave him, and all the shit they got for it since 2016, why the ever-loving fuck did they let this ad run in the first place? CNN obviously learned some shit this year, and chose to act right in the first place. Good.
Hey, New York Times, see how easy it is to say Trump's lying?
Donald Trump is a lying sack of garbage. We can accept this fact and still find ourselves stunned by his mendacity. During his fifty or so minutes of hate in Missouri last night, Trump warned of what might happen if Democrats gain power today. It's basically a disaster of Biblical proportions, real "wrath of God type of stuff," not just "fire and brimstone" but higher taxes on your boiling seas and rivers.
"One of [the Democrats'] very first projects will be a socialist takeover of American health care. You know what's happening: Your taxes are gonna triple, maybe quadruple. You're not gonna be happy. I know you well."
This is all a very ambitious agenda for a Democratic Party whose Senate minority leader, Chuck Schumer, can't even negotiate bathroom breaks for his caucus. Poor Heidi Heitkamp has been hopping on one leg for weeks now. Still, it's fairly standard Republican fear-mongering. From the bouquet, I would place this as a 1994 Gingrich with an unpleasant Limbaugh finish. But then Trump started offering tasting samples from his home distillery.
The Democrat plan would obliterate Obamacare.
©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc