coronavirus

No Mask Can Protect You From Rand Paul’s Lethal Stupidity

The senator from Kentucky now appears to be working for COVID-19.

By the time you read this, it's possible that the United States will have passed 400,000 deaths from COVID-19. The virus is still spreading almost unchecked, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) claims the virus's new, more transmissible variant could become dominant in the US by March. This is all very bad news, but Kentucky GOP Senator Rand Paul appears to be telling people to break out of their mask prisons and breathe in the fresh Covid.

Paul, who is trying his damndest to win the title of Kentucky's worst senator, was on Laura Ingraham's white power hour Friday and denounced Dr. Anthony Fauci's oppressive voodoo science.

PAUL: What I tell people is use common sense.

This is when you know he's about to cough bullshit on you.

PAUL: If you've had the disease or you've been vaccinated and you're several weeks out from your second dose, throw your mask away and tell Dr. Fauci to take a leap because once you have immunity you don't need to do this.
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Right Wing Extremism

No Big, FBI Just Worried About ‘Insider Attack’ During Biden Inauguration

Let’s just Zoom this shit, please.

We are two days away from the end of Donald Trump's presidency. Now we just need to make sure Joe Biden and Kamala Harris stay alive. According to the Associated Press, US defense officials are concerned that MAGA goons might've infiltrated Biden's inauguration. Yes, they're actually worried about an “insider attack" against the president-elect from servicemembers assigned to secure the event. The FBI is in the process of vetting all 25,000 National Guard troops coming into Washington. That doesn't seem like a lot of time. Sarah Palin had a lengthier vetting process and we saw how that turned out.

This does not look like a party or a peaceful transition. It stands out as more than just petty now that the outgoing president won't attend his successor's inauguration for the first time since 1869. Trump's just been impeached for raising a lynch mob against Congress and his own vice president. Leaving Washington DC early Wednesday morning seems to draw a big honking target on the event, which should really be virtual for the safety of all involved. The situation calls for a nice, comfy bunny slippers inauguration from secure locations.

It only takes one Trump true believer to make a tragedy.

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Impeachment

Giuliani Thinks Trump Should Just Tell The Senate Why He Ordered The Code Red

It's like he wants Trump convicted.

Donald Trump was impeached last week for inciting an insurrection against the United States government. That's more serious than a parking ticket, so Trump should consider competent legal representation at his second annual Senate trial. However, Rudy Giuliani, one of the lead Kraken wranglers in Trump's “elite strike force" of COVID-19 superspreaders, was at the White House Saturday. The MyPillow Guy could probably provide better legal counsel than Giuliani.

Giuliani confirmed with ABC News Chief White House Correspondent Jonathan Karl that he was working on Trump's defense, and it's a doozy. He's prepared to argue that Trump's pre-siege speech didn't constitute incitement to violence, because Trump's fascist Big Lie about winning an election he lost is true!

"They basically claimed that anytime [Trump] says voter fraud, voter fraud -- or I do, or anybody else -- we're inciting to violence; that those words are fighting words because it's totally untrue," [Giuliani] said. "Well, if you can prove that it's true, or at least true enough so it's a legitimate viewpoint, then they are no longer fighting words."

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2020 presidential election

Pennsylvania Vote-Frauder Guy Extra Super-Duper Stupid

His lawyer's a real piece of work, too.

A week after the election, Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick offered a reward of One Million Dollars to anyone who could provide evidence of vote fraud. As you may recall, Pennsylvania Lt. Gov John Fetterman immediately stepped right up to say he'd like to solve the puzzle Pat collect the reward, since he had a case of a guy who tried to vote twice.

Patrick still hasn't shelled out a cent, or even a suite of Whirlpool appliances, to pay Fetterman, but the alleged vote frauder, Ralph Thurman, had a preliminary hearing in state court this week, at which his attorney insisted that if there was any fraud anywhere, it was the entire case against their client, an innocent lamb of a fellow who they said was tricked in a devious plot by Democrats into voting twice. And besides, Thurman's attorney also said, Thurman's son had given permission to vote on his behalf, which made it okay.

Remember that one the next time you're pulled over for speeding. "But officer, Doktor Zoom at Wonkette gave me permission to exceed the posted speed limit!" (Also, I most certainly did not, you liar.)

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