Ted Cruz Solves Border Problems With New Levels Of Table-Pounding

He screamed a lot at DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas, securing either the border or a spot on Fox News.

As part of the Republicans' push for immediate Fox News rage over the US-Mexico border, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) used a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing on border issues yesterday to accuse Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas of being personally responsible for child trafficking and rape, because that proves how serious Republicans are about border security.

Peppering Mayorkas with loaded questions and demanding yes or no answers, Cruz bravely grandstanded and reduced complicated immigration issues to sound bites that delighted right-wing Twitter. Here, have a bit of unrestrained performative rage from Cruz, who refuses to let Mayorkas actually respond to any of the questions because Mayorkas would just lie anyway, he works for Joe Biden so of course he's a liar.

A fact to keep in mind before we go any further: For all Cruz's ranting about the threat that criminal immigrants supposedly pose, the reality is that undocumented immigrants are far less likely to commit violent crimes than US citizens are, a fact that still hasn't changed since Donald Trump lied about it in his 2015 campaign announcement.

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Without Charming Old-Time Racism, Agatha Christie Novels Now Just Wokedunnits

Oh no, there goes Western Literature again.

Several Agatha Christie novels are being reissued in new editions that have removed the original texts' racist language, in hopes that they'll remain marketable for modern audiences. The changes have been made by publisher HarperCollins to novels originally published between 1920 and 1976, featuring Christie's two most popular detectives, Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot. The entire run of Marple novels have been updated, as have selected Poirot books.

It appears that some of the new editions actually went into print in 2020 without anyone noticing, according to the Telegraph, while others have yet to be released. As of yet, only a few American wingnuts have gone ballistic over this unspeakable defacement of a beloved writer they haven't thought about in years, although we have little doubt that Ben Shapiro is salivating at the prospect of saying on video the original 1939 title of the mystery that was released in the US in 1940 as And Then There Were None.

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If You Thought Tucker Was Being A Vile Sicko BEFORE Nashville Mass Shooting, Look At Him Now

Lies, incitement, lies, incitement, lies, incitement.

Last week, Tucker Carlson terrified his idiot viewers by telling them that transgender people were going to get ALL THE GUNS and that they were coming to murder them. We would say it was unhinged even for him, but we think we may be far beyond "even for him" at this point. Then the horrible, devastating mass shooting happened in Nashville, where the person holding the weapons of mass destruction reportedly identified as trans.

This merely confirmed Tucker's theory that trans people are going to get ALL THE GUNS and are coming to murder everyone.

Obviously, this is different from the 98 percent of mass shootings where straight cisgender dudes bring in their weapons of war and gun down innocent schoolchildren and coworkers and concert-goers and so forth. And it's definitely different from all those dudes who leave manifestos jerking off to white supremacist conspiracy theories like the Great Replacement Theory, which happens to ALSO be one of Tucker's greatest fap fantasies.

If you thought Tucker's rhetoric was vile and dangerous before, just look at him now.

Here's some of last night's monologue:

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Tennessee Republicans Have Mass Shootings All Figured Out: More Guns, Everywhere, Always

At some point, there'll be no one left to shoot.

Following the latest mass shooting by a responsible gun owner — the killer had no criminal record and purchased at least two of the guns legally in Nashville — Tennessee Republicans are offering the expected prayers and thoughts, although none of the thoughts include reducing the nation's ample supply of firearms.

As Yr Wonkette noted earlier, brand new member of Congress Rep. Andy Ogles, who only won his seat thanks to Republican gerrymandering, is getting dragged a-plenty for his Christmas card demonstrating his family's devotion to the Prince of Pieces. We'll just add that the caption on that December 2021 image was all about the divine power of guns, and we are not making this up: "The very atmosphere of firearms anywhere and everywhere restrains evil interference — they deserve a place of honor with all that’s good."

We aren't sure it quite matches the meter of Mel Tormé's "The Christmas Song," but that's certainly a Christmas wish! And it was so: The atmosphere of firearms anywhere and everywhere is with America not only during the Sacred Baby Season but also all year long.

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