Stop us if you have heard this old yarn before!

There is a politician with weird Christian beliefs, and no, we don't mean he's weird because he's a Christian, we mean he's weird because he's got these fucked up stupidass beliefs, deserving of mockery and scorn, that say that women are, at heart, nothing more than sexual objects. Therefore he and his wife have a rule that says he's not allowed to be alone with any woman ever, even in work situations, because he might be forced to fuck her, by virtue of the fact that he is MAN. No seriously, this is what he believes! He says it's about preserving the so-called sanctity of his "Handmaid's Tale" marriage, and that he's only doing this because "people" will talk if they see him walking around the office by himself with a woman, or discussing a project at the water cooler, because everybody will look at them and immediately assume they are engaged in rollicking nightly bouts of #ForbiddenCoitus, and it will never even cross their minds that maybe they are coworkers. But you can tell that there is something much more gross at play, because WHAT THE FUCK ADULT WITH A MODICUM OF SELF-CONTROL NEEDS TO HAVE A "RULE" LIKE THIS? Upon hearing about the so-called couple's so-called rule, what people actually assume is that he has probably cheated on her with a lady, or possibly a gentleman, but shhhhh let's not talk about that.

No, we are not talking about Mike Pence (though of course, we are talking about Mike Pence).

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We are talking about Robert Foster, who would like to be the GOP governor of Mississippi. He's a state representative from the metropolis of "Hernando," which is a suburb of Memphis, which means yr Memphis Wonkette right here is going to be keeping our eye out for Mr. Foster walking around with hot dudes half his age, just so we can nod to ourselves and say, "He's respecting his wife right now." Or maybe we will point and loudly say to bystanders, "Those guys right there are a good example of two people who are NOT fuckin'!"