Class War

Lady Dems Demand Job Rights For Nation's Wisecracking Maids, Nannies, Butlers

She works hard for the money so you better treat her right!

As we look forward to the eventual end of the Bad Orange Times, Democrats keep rolling out ideas that should become part of the national agenda, at least once the Current Unpleasantness is flushed. Like for instance Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's proposal for a "Green New Deal" that would both tackle climate change and create hundreds of thousands of jobs, or any of the many bills by Kamala Harris.

Democratic Senator Kamala Harris and Rep. Pramila Jayapal have co-introduced another good idea, the National Domestic Workers Bill of Rights, which would extend legal protections and worker rights to the roughly two million people currently working as in-home health aides, cleaners, nannies, and so on. Yes, even the ones who don't have sitcoms based on their zany antics. It's not just a great deal for some of the lowest-paid workers in the country, it also provides a model for how work rights could be extended to a lot of people working in a variety of nontraditional labor markets.

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Post-Racial America

Liz Cheney Knows What You Girls Want, And It Is MORE DICK!

See what we did there?

Fresh off a 40-seat loss in the House and a shellacking from suburban women, the GOP has an excellent comeback plan. They're hanging a sign on the Republican Clubhouse saying NO 'GINAS ALLOWED! Yep, that should close the 19 point preference for Democrats among American women this electoral cycle. And to seal the deal, they've boosted America's sweetheart Liz Cheney to conference chair. Problem solved!

Now, let's not get hysterical thinking the National Republican Congressional Committee has morphed into the manicure/yoga/free bleed session of your dreams. The NRCC isn't going to do anything crazy like recruit more ladies to run for office or anything. WaPo reports,

Cheney, who worked on Middle East policy in the State Department, brings a profile and clout among Republican women that has long been missing. But she does not see any need for course corrections on policies relating to women, arguing that Democrats create silos for female issues that treat women in a condescending way.

"I've always felt like it was very paternalistic to do what the Democrats do," she said. "It's offensive to women."

Bold words from a lady whose party just shrank its female representation from 23 to 13 seats in the House. The Democratic Caucus boasts more than 90 women -- and if you want to see something REALLY scary, click here! But please, GOPsplain us more about things that offend our delicate female sensibilities.

"It shouldn't be just based on looking for a specific set of ingredients — gender, race, religion — and then we're going to play in the primary," incoming NRCC chair Tom Emmer told Roll Call. Because ladies haaaaate it when you run candidates with ovaries. What they want is another white dude, but, like dipped in yogurt with a pink ribbon pin next to the flag on his lapel. Bonus points if he tells us he respects women because he has daughters. Nothing makes us ovulate in unison like a guy who knows when life begins because he looked at an ultrasound one time.


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Oh Look! Another Dating App For The Basket Of Unf*ckables!

This one claims it will sue any liberals who try to sign up.

Though Donald Trump promised his followers they'd win so much they'd be tired of winning, one thing that has plagued them since he first stepped on the national stage is their abject failure on the dating scene. As it turns out, for the rest of the population, being a person who thinks it's super swell to tear-gas children is kind of a bonerkiller.

There's been a slew of articles about how super hard it is for Trumpists to get anyone to date them -- and my personal favorite, an essay in The Federalist about how women were to blame for Trump because of their refusal to bone down with conservative men. Cassandra Fairbanks got banned from OKCupid for sending pro-Trump/anti-Clinton messages to people like a weirdo; Christopher "Crying Nazi" was also banned from OKCupid for ... being an actual Nazi; and Jack Posobiec, who is married, got banned from Bumble. Bumble has also banned people for fat-shaming women on their app, and has banned pictures of guns in profile photos.

It's been hard out there for these jerks, and, in response, a number of dating sites have popped up over the past two years aiming to help them out.

There was Trump Singles. There was the dating site for Trump lovers that made a convicted child molester the face of their brand. There was Donald Daters, which exposed all of its users' data the very week it launched.

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US of America News

DOJ, DHS Can't Decide Whether To Shoot Asylum Seekers Now, Or Later

International treaties and US law can fuck right off.

Oh, sure, the Trump administration has been blocked by a federal court from putting its new restrictions on requesting asylum into place. The rules would ignore existing US immigration law, which explicitly states people can request asylum "whether or not" they cross the border at a port of entry. Judge Jon S. Tigar ruled Friday that yes, he really means it, explaining very patiently the government failed to show anything about Donald Trump's executive order was legal, so until there's a final decision, people still have the right to request asylum. BUMMER.

Let's back up for some background on the latest asylum fuckery, which is separate from the rules the court told Team Trump it can't enforce. This new awfulness leaked the day before Thanksgiving, in case you'd missed the announcement (also, as with so much Trump "policy," there was no actual announcement). Under current law, those who pass a screening for "credible fear" of harm in their home countries are allowed to live and work in the USA until their case is decided. Donald Trump doesn't like that; he calls it "catch and release," although some radicals consider it "due process," as if anyone but indicted Trump aides were entitled to such a thing. The new idea has the completely Trumpian name "Remain in Mexico," because it would make asylum-seekers remain in Mexico, you see? Trump probably thought of the name himself, because he's real smart.

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Rudy Giuliani Didn't Know About Party In His Honor That's Not Happening, Because He Wasn't Invited

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha OK.

Remember that hilarious week when the New York Times did 475 stories on how Alan Dershowitz was a LoserNaked McNoFriends because literally none of his neighbors at Martha's Vineyard were willing to talk to his dumb naked old nudist balls while he lowered them into the hollandaise sauce at all the hottest brunches in Martha's Vineyard, on account of his blind moron support for Donald Trump? Well! The New York Times needs to fire up its presses to do 475 more stories, but this time for Rudy Giuliani!

(To be clear, we don't think there's any part of this story that involves Giuliani's balls in the hollandaise, but maybe there would be if NYT's Jeremy Peters would go fucking do the Giuliani interview he was born to do.)

Point is there was gonna be a party. And all the hottest people in New York were invited! It was to be a party celebrating that time Rudy Giuliani was elected mayor of New York in 1993, which really isn't much of a thing to celebrate, since his mayoral reign was basically just nouns and verbs until finally got his 9/11 in 2001. But that's immaterial, because Giuliani completely lost any semblance of sanity he ever sorta kinda had when he became Donald Trump's TV lawyer, and then he proceeded to go on TV every five minutes to implicate his client and maybe himself in crimes, and because of that, nobody wants to go to his party, because he sucks:

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Does Donald Trump Appeal To Men With Peener Insecurity? NYU Did Science To It!

Real science, plus dick jokes.

In one of the more intriguing bits of science we've seen lately, a couple of New York University researchers have done a brief study exploring whether Donald Trump's calculated expressions of machismo just might have attracted a lot of male voters who may actually be less than fully confident in their masculinity. Basically, the study looks at Google search trends for terms that might indicate worries about masculinity, and correlates that with areas of the country that went to Trump in 2016. Whatever larger studies may be generated from this seminal project, the researcher should prepare to get some very angry hate male mail from the Internet Flying Monkey Brigade, since Trump supporters are VERY MANLY, FUCK YOU, SHUT UP.

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Post-Racial America

Arizona Racist David Stringer Just Can't Stop With All The Crazy Racist Talk

At least he's on brand!

Kyrsten Sinema flipped a Senate seat in Arizona, but we shouldn't gloss over the fact that the state is still pretty racist. For years, Arizona refused to take a day off if it had to thank a black guy for it. But Republican State Representative David Stringer ranks pretty high on the Cindy Hyde-Smith scale of racism even for Arizona!

Back in June, Stringer said that immigration was "politically destabilizing" and an "existential threat" that will drastically alter US demographics for the worse. He pointed out that 60 percent of public school students were minorities, so there weren't "enough white kids to go around" to keep those schools from being shitholes, I guess. Republicans tiptoed away from him after these comments. He never actually apologized and later appeared at an event held in the "Chicken Coop" room of a local Lo-Lo's Chicken & Waffles, where he tried to convince a crowd of black people that they'd been "supplanted" by an influx of not-good-immigrants, "principally people from south of the border."

Black folks' newest BFF was re-elected on November 6. A couple weeks later, he spoke with Arizona State University students, at least some of whom are black, and pointed out how much we sucked. He claimed diversity in this country is "relatively new," which is an interesting statement considering European settlers -- and some less-than-willing folks from Africa -- literally diversified the existing population. But for totally non cross-burning reasons, Stringer has no problem with the European immigrants.

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Post-Racial America

Sinclair Broadcasting: Our Insane 'Must-Run' Rants? Those Are *Someone Else's* Insane 'Must Run' Rants!

We are shocked, shocked at these things we find ourselves saying!

You may recall the wee bit of outrage this spring when anchors at local TV affiliates owned by Sinclair Broadcasting were forced to read the very same editorial script as if it were the anchors' own opinions. Even Donald Trump made fun of the fake news, at least until he learned the Sinclair stations were also running pre-taped pro-Trump messages. Many of them even featured shitcanned former Trump White House staffer Boris Epshteyn, aka "Oh yeah, he's a different shitcanned Trump staffer than Seb Gorka." This week, Sinclair was at it again, mandating that its more than 100 stations run an Epshteyn segment praising Dear Leader for tear-gassing women and children at the border, because after all, the few dozen migrants (out of several thousand asylum seekers) who were arrested breaking through border fences Sunday was an "invasion," just like D-Day, and you wouldn't expect the USA to let an invading foreign army wade ashore without shooting back, would you?

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New York Times JUST CAN'T STOP Sh*tting On Nancy Pelosi!

You're right, NYT, she's no Paul Ryan!

The House Democratic Caucus voted Wednesday to nominate Nancy Pelosi for a second tour of duty as speaker. This was perhaps the most foregone of foregone conclusions. Pelosi's opponents in the House still think they can block her on the floor but they're morons. I'm not the next speaker so I said that less diplomatically than Pelosi would, but that's the sentiment clearly expressed in a comment longtime Pelosi foe Kathleen Rice actually went around repeating.

RICE: Nancy Pelosi said it herself: Power is not given to you. You have to take it. And that's what this effort is all about.

Basically, Pelosi told Rice that she's a fool if she thinks that some ragamuffin Democrats are going to bully her into stepping down and giving them a clear, unobstructed path to power. If they want her gavel, then make their move. Otherwise they can get lost.

Note how Pelosi is such a political Svengali she has Rice quoting her cold diss like it's some ancient Chinese secret: "Like Confucius says, I'm a big moron with a big stupid head."

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Quit Yer Whining! Liberals Did Better In Mississippi Than You Think!

Mike Espy pushed his state further toward actual democracy.

Racist lynch humorist Cindy Hyde Smith won, as expected, Mississippi's US Senate runoff yesterday against Democrat Mike Espy. Yeah, I know I promised I wasn't writing anything else about Senator Skeletor, but why are you keeping track of what I say? Stop stalking me.

Hyde Smith's margin of victory was relatively narrow (54 percent to Espy's 46 percent) for a deep-red state that Donald Trump carried by almost 20 points. It seemed no poll tax was too steep to keep black people from the ballot box, even if we did come up short. And we made Republicans spend money -- real US dollars not Confederate trumpaloos -- on an election in Mississippi. As Richard III said, "If not to heaven, then hand in hand to hell." That's what a resistance looks like. Make them sweat and fight for every win. Stacey Abrams's "defeat" in Georgia is not a total loss when it registers new voters and exposes the depths of Republican corruption.

The Mississippi special election exposed to the world the state's longstanding racial dynamics. Sunlight is an excellent disinfectant, but like a frat boy's bathroom, one thorough scrubbing isn't enough to fully sanitize Mississippi's politics.

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Right! What's All This 'Green New Deal,' Then?​

Hold on, this isn't the least bit silly. Carry on, then.

When January arrives and a new Congress is sworn in, get ready to hear a whole hell of a lot about the "Green new Deal," a proposal spearheaded by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and endorsed by likely Speaker Nancy Pelosi. What the hell is it? At the moment, it's a proposal for a proposal: combine job growth and tackling climate change with the modest goals of nothing less than eliminating poverty AND transforming the US energy economy to 100 percent renewable power generation by 2030. We're talking Moon Shot plus New Deal plus Manhattan Project here, and yes, it's audacious as fuck!

As it happens, it's also not pie in the sky. Difficult, sure, but far from impossible. Its 10-year target falls inside the window necessary to keep at bay the absolute worst effects of projected climate change, as laid out in the UN's most recent report on what needs to be done to keep the planet habitable for large mammals like Jeff Goldblum, Malala Yousafzai, the readers of Wonkette, and yes, even Donald Trump. If he hopes to see 2030, though, he should actually follow his doctor's advice and stop polluting his personal ecosystem with Big Macs. As with climate, some damage can't be undone, but healthier habits are needed right now.

The push for a Green New Deal is timely, given the Trump administration's failed attempt to bury last week's quadrennial National Climate Assessment, which warns we can still keep from completely shitting the planetary bed, but we'll need to do more than simply get twisty lightbulbs. Big action is needed, and the goals of the Green New Deal are pretty fucking big. Prepare to have your minds blown (and then recycled):

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Everywhere Else News

Erick Erickson's Christmas Wish: Throw The Communists Out The Helicopters

Do not worry, he is only joking, except completely serious, kind of.

Rightwing thought leader and occasional goatfucker Erick Erickson is a big fan of Supply Side Jesus, and following the slight unpleasantness on the US-Mexico border Sunday, took to the Twitters for some holiday thoughts about good governance. Not here in the Land of the Free, where we're in great shape, but down South, where things are a mess.

Oh sure, some pansy "Christians" get all hung up about Jesus's admonitions to welcome strangers and care for them -- at the risk of eternal damnation, if you believe that sort of thing. But not Erick Erickson! He far prefers Manly Realpolitik Jesus. The Jesus who would give Henry Kissinger a Nobel Peace Prize and overlook the occasional stray bomb in Cambodia or coup in Chile. Because honestly, those people really need a firm hand, don't they? Here's his prescription for solving the problems of Latin America: The US should cultivate the next crop of Augusto Pinochets in the region! But don't worry, he adds, he's only MOSTLY serious!

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It's 'Giving Tuesday,' So GIVE IT, You!

Money can't buy happiness, but it can pay for lawyers and doctors and feeding poors. Hop to it!

It's the annual start of the War On Christmas season. You've all made the leftover turkey into the excellent strata and eaten that, too, and you've very thoughtfully bought NOTHING on Commerce Friday and Teen Wage-Slave Saturday, and you refrained from celebrating Gassing Mothers and Children Sunday, because you are not a monster like Timi Lathrop. And now it is the HashtagGivingTuesday, when you leverage your extra cash into helping other people, only without being all sanctimonious about it because you're better than that (and immune to flattery, too, even though you're much more generous, smarter, and better-looking than others. Have we mentioned you really smell good, too?).

So here, let Yr Wonkette tell you where you should send your generosity, and in the comments you can suggest other worthy causes also too! Many but not all of these are legit tax-deductible charities what you can deduct on your taxes, but you'll want to check the fine print and shit because that's how you should do.

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How Is Cindy Hyde-Smith Embarrassing Mississippi Today?

And how will Trump help?

This is most likely the last time I'll write about Mississippi Senator Cindy Hyde-Smith. She faces Democrat Mike Espy in a runoff election Tuesday, which she's favored to win because it's Mississippi. If tradition holds, Hyde-Smith will continue representing the poorest state in the union and voting in line with Donald Trump 100 percent of the time. She offers no suspense in the Senate so no one really cares what she does. She voted to confirm Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court, but in fairness to her, she didn't tease us about it like Maine's Susan Collins, who required several "Meet the Press" interviews and a big, flashy speech on the Senate floor to make up her mind.

Now, if by some seasonally appropriate miracle, Espy does prevail tomorrow and, most importantly, doesn't vanish before the next session of Congress, Hyde-Smith will probably wander the state of her birth in perpetual shame. She'll become the political equivalent of the attorney who somehow lost the Daily Mirror's case against Liberace when he sued them for claiming he was gay. She certainly won't get invited to any of the good public hangings.

Either way, I plan to erase Hyde-Smith from my memory effective Wednesday, but while we wait, let's take a look at what the senator's been up to during the run-up to the runoff.

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We Had To Tear Gas The Toddlers Or They Might Think America Is Peaceful And Free

Fox idiots say it tastes great AND is less filling.

In another escalation of Donald Trump's war on immigrants, US Customs and Border Protection (CBP) agents fired tear gas into Mexico Sunday to teach those people a lesson. Hundreds of migrants had been protesting the US's deliberate slowdown of processing requests for asylum at the San Ysidro port of entry. After Mexican police blocked a pedestrian bridge, part of the group crossed a dry concrete riverbed, and some attempted to get through fencing at the border. CBP agents fired at least two volleys of tear gas, which drifted hundreds of feet, gassing not only the very bad people trying to get through the fences, but also women and children who were nowhere near them. Fox and Friends was there to assure us, though: Tear gas is really just nacho dust.

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NY Times Writes Democrats' Midterms Obit, Apparently Hasn't Read NY Times Since Election Night

The Gray Lady is a doddering fool.

The New York Times is in many ways your typical godless commie rag, as evidenced by its "peas in guacamole" recipes, but in all the ways that actually matter, like its political coverage, it enjoys regularly knocking Democrats like the stereotypical sitcom mother-in-law who will always find something to criticize about her son's wife.

Saturday, Utah's Mia Love officially left for that separate-but-equal black Republican rest home in the sky. This brought Democratic gains in the House to 39 seats. Also on Saturday, the Times ran the latest in its "Democrats in disarray" series that no one demanded. The Twitter headline alone is such potent stupidity you shouldn't operate heavy machinery after reading it: "After painful losses, Democrats in the South face a dilemma: Appeals to progressives cost them the rural white voters who often decide elections."

Painful losses? Really? This is like calling my failed audition for Killmonger in Black Panther a "painful loss." I got to say "Hey, Auntie" to Angela Bassett before security showed up. Overall, I consider it a win. Yes, Stacey Abrams "lost" the governor's race in Georgia, and Beto O'Rourke and Andrew Gillum failed to win in Texas and Florida, where voter suppression was not as overt and repulsive as in the peach state. (Hey, geniuses at the Times, maybe you should write about that!) But Abrams and O'Rourke also performed better than any Democrat had in decades. Hell, in Texas, Republican Senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson regularly murdered her opponents for almost two decades. Democrats stopped considering these Senate races elections and treated them more like Shirley Jackson's "The Lottery." They were begging not to run: "Please don't make me! I won't break 40 percent. I have kids!"

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