NRA Hack Dana Loesch Cycles Through 5 Stages of Grift
Dana Loesch won't stop being horrible. After yet another school shooting, the NRA cheerleader has scrambled to pin the blame on anything that's not a gun or gun shaped. She's currently going through the five stages of grift.
Denial
Twitter
We think they're tired of being shot, Dana. Also you exploit people's fears for a living.
Twitter
"How did two kids gain access to guns when guns are fucking everywhere, thanks to people like me?" Lady, minors live with adults. That's how it works. Your moronic organization has even opposed bills requiring parents to lock up their guns in a safe so children can't get to them.
You wonder how kids smuggled handguns into a school. They probably hid them because handguns are easily concealed. (Colorado is a concealed carry state.) And also, they are guns. A heroic child tried to stop the shooters and was murdered for his trouble.
Oh, and therapy is not a "warning sign" of potential homicidal impulses, you heartless hack. You just slandered countless kids.
Trump Retweeted A Bunch Of Professional Bigots This Morning, Which Should Surprise No One
This morning, Donald Trump woke up and went on a Twitter rampage, as he is wont to do. Today's subject? How very unfair it is that a bunch of far-right lunatics were kicked off of Facebook and Instagram this week.
In order to illustrate this point, he decided to retweet a bunch of extremely horrifying people, including Lauren Southern -- a lady who is most notable for being a proponent of the completely batshit "white genocide" conspiracy theory and also for being incredibly racist.
This should be a really big freaking deal. It's not going to be, because at this point we pretty much expect Trump to retweet professional bigots, but it should. Lauren Southern is so terrible that she's actually been banned from the U.K., but the President of the United States retweets her. That is messed up!
Donald Trump Don't Want A Pickle, Just Wants To Ride His Motor-Sickle
America's Greatest Living Artist, Jon McNaughton, has committed another crime against canvas, this time slopping together a painting called "MAGA Ride," featuring a fictionally slim Donald Trump on a big motorcycle, complete with flag-themed fender skirts, being applauded by all Americans while the home of the Enemy -- the US Capitol -- looms ominously in the background. At least we think it's supposed to be looming ominously, since that's what McNaughton says in the bullet points for this great artwork:
- Cracks in the road spell M A G A.
- Federal Capitol Building represents Trump's opposition among the Democrats and weak Republicans.
- The crowd of American supporters, from all backgrounds proudly wearing their red Make America Great Again hats.
- American Flag is a source of light.
- Artist paints himself in the painting.
OH, isn't that clever? The cracks in the pavement spell MAGA!!! Here, we have highlighted the cracks:
Sorry, that clearly says "MATTMIA," in memory of Matt, who is Missing in Action. But even if it does say "MAGA," that would appear to conflict with another part of McNaughton's own explication of the painting:
Lara Trump Explains Taking In Refugees Was Germany's 'Downfall'
Seems like the whole darn Trump clan (we'll use that with a "c" this time) was in the media today yapping about immigration. Don, the Don, was retweeting rightwing fearmongering about border-crossing murderers, while Fox News explained Jared Kushner is working on a "comprehensive immigration reform" plan that has TWO comprehensive points: both "Border Security" and "Legal Immigration."
We are reminded of Steve Martin's simple plan for having a million dollars without ever paying taxes: "First, get a million dollars..."
Meanwhile, on Fox Business, Lara Trump, Eric's wife, was invited to Stuart Varney's program for three minutes and 35 seconds. She was billed as responding to Hillary Clinton's op-ed on the Mueller Report (which Evan translated for you here) but after two minutes of Trump explaining Clinton did not win and her opinion is therefore irrelevant, Varney moved on to the extremely important topic of "the mother of all caravans," which will surely overwhelm America even worser than the other caravans that completely overwhelmed America.
Over a repeating video loop showing a vast sea -- or at least hundreds -- of brown people walking along highways in Mexico, Varney said it's perfectly reasonable to change the asylum laws, noting that after all, they let people ask for asylum and how is that even fair? Ms. Trump made the mandatory joke about how Democrats must surely want "all of these illegal immigrants" running loose in their sanctuary cities, then Varney pointed out the ominous parallel to how Europe has been overrun by refugees, SWARMS of refugees INFESTING a once-proud continent:
Milo Yiannopoulos C*ckblocked In Oklahoma :(
Poor sad Milo Yiannopoulos. Having fallen from what passes for the heights of alt-right glory, he's now reduced to begging people to please show up and be offended by him, like in that old Onion story about Marilyn Manson going door to door hoping to shock people. And even that grift isn't working so great for Yiannopoulos, it turns out, since he's been left in the lurch by the sponsors of a talk at a community college in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Were it anyone else, we'd suggest he might feel some empathy for the average subcontractor who did work for Donald Trump, but we suspect he'd look at us blankly and say, "No, this was ME getting stiffed. How could this happen to ME?"
Yiannopoulos announced his latest sad news in a post on Instagram, a truly insufficient medium since it doesn't let you see the tears and impotent rage:
Such a sad fellow, and SO ILL USED! Poor lad can't even blame "The Left."
I regret to announce that my sponsor for the Oklahoma events has failed to produce the funds needed for the events, and left me in debt to designers, lawyers and admin staff. I couldn't get a response out of him for days after three missed payment deadlines and today he confirmed he's dropping out entirely! Ho hum.
Thank goodness, Milo knows who's really suffering here. It is him, HO HUM. Also, his throngs of adoring fans!
Sorry to the hundreds of fans who have been writing excitedly over the past few weeks. Doesn't look like these speeches will happen now.
Oh, and the "designers, lawyers and admin staff"? Yeah, sucks to be them! Maybe he'll pay them. Or not. In any case, now Milo can look forward to his next adventure in grifting. Maybe a dinner theater production of To Kill a Mockingbird, with Milo playing all the parts, including Brett Kavanaugh.
[Tulsa World / Image: LeWeb13 Conference at Wikimedia Commons]
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