Donate

Dadaist Robbers Commit Perfect Crime: Stealing Gun Range Patrons' Guns At Gunpoint

News

In what may be the perfect ouroboros of crime, a pair of irony-minded robbersheld up patrons of two Philadelphia gun ranges as they left the businesses, then stole their guns. The bandits stole eleven weapons in all, and in the part that isn't funny, shot and critically wounded a 67-year-old man, who will be OK.


One of the robbers, 21-year-old Samiyyah Poteat, surrendered to police shortly after seeing herself in a TV broadcast of surveillance video; the other, 27-year-old Jeffrey Chandler, was arrested today, perhaps disappointed that no one had yet written a folk ballad about the pair's exploits.

Officials say Poteat and Chandler were involved in two holdups at two different gun ranges -- the first at Yury's Gun Range in Philly's West Poplar neighborhood and the second at the Delaware Valley Sports Center in the city's Bustleton neighborhood.

The suspects waited in a parked car, a late model dark colored 2-door coupe, outside of the ranges until potential victims exited.

On June 11, they robbed a 68-year-old man and took a backpack containing two .22-caliber pistols, and the next day they held up two men leaving a different gun range; in that robbery, the men handed over their money and weapons but Chandler fired a single shot which hit one of the men, Everett Goodman, who was wounded in an artery but is expected to recover.

One might almost get the idea from this story that good guys with guns are not the invulnerable avenging angels that the NRA would like us to think, but obviously that can't be true, since armed civilians are always able to stop crimes. The real lesson is that just being armed does not make you safe enough, so instead of just carrying a firearm, you should actually keep it in your hand at all times, especially when stepping out of a door. Any door. That, or just do all your shooting at home.

[NBC Philadelphia via Crooks and Liars / Philly.com]

Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He looks forward to reading the comments queue this evening.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

$
Donate with CC
'Miga and Carlos' by Wonkette Operative 'Chica'

It's Father's Day, which means it's time for Yr Dok Zoom and his son to go to brunch and check out the downtown Boise Father's Day Car Show so we can ooh and ah over the very same Corvettes 'n' Mustangs 'n' lovingly-restored classic cars that are there every year, and I will probably once again point at the '68 Beetle converted to run on electricity and say, "Oh look, a Voltswagen!" Traditions matter. (Kid Zoom is 22, so I may also/instead meet him for cocktails later like grown up human people.)

Don't worry about any deep thoughts on the Meaning of Fatherhood here -- we're just going to enjoy the goofy side of dadding, which as far as I'm concerned is the best thing I've done with my time. Especially since my role model for parenting was the unnamed Dad from "Calvin and Hobbes."

As any fool knows, ice rises to the top of liquids because it's cold, and just wants to be closer to the sun so it can warm up. It's all in the book you get when you become a father.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

Some dick is suing your Wonkette! If you are able, will you please send money?

1. Pick "just once" or "monthly."

2. Pick an amount, like say "all of the money."

3. Click "paypal" if you are paypal or "stripe" if you are not paypal.

4. MONEY.

5. Carry on with your day, and with new posts below!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc