Donate

Dan Quayle's Son Pretends To Be 'Family Friendly' By Kidnapping Children

News

Did you know thatI Love The Late '80s And Early '90s star Dan Quayle has at least one son, Ben? He does! Did you know that Ben himself is the father to two adorable daughters? Well, he isn't, but if you lived in Arizona's third congressional district, where he's running for the Republican nomination for Congress, you might think so, because you would have received this ad in the mail, showing him partying down with two little girls. And yet he and his wife did not create these children with their naughty bits. Is this the worst political scandal in U.S. history? All signs point to yes.


The Arizona Capitol Times blows the lid off of this awful conspiracy:

Quayle is depicted in playful scenes with two toddler-aged girls. Underneath one image, the text reads, in part: "Tiffany and I live in this district and we are going to raise our family here."

(Your Wonkette editor would probably initially parse this as meaning that one of these girls was named Tiffany, which, gross, but never mind that for the moment.)

It's not a stretch to make the assumption that the cute tots -- one sitting on his lap; the other sitting next to him -- are his daughters. But that's not the case. The recently married Quayle doesn't have kids. It's not until you flip the mailer over to read that Quayle and his wife live in Phoenix with their dog, Louie. No mention of kids.

The second mailer, a pro-life piece that explains his staunch opposition to abortion and support of traditional marriage, contains the same image of the girls. But this time, there's no disclaimer about Quayle not yet having kids of his own.

Right, because smart pro-life voters could "read between the lines" of any such disclaimer and realize that there's only one reason a nice 33-year-old married man like Quayle wouldn't have kids: abortions, and lots of them. It turns out that the little girls are "relatives of a staff member and happened to be at a campaign event" (i.e., illegal child labor, probably from Mexico). Congratulations, Arizona Capitol Times, for nailing Ben Quayle for being the first-ever politician to use images of children not-his-own to bring warm feelings to the hearts of voters. [Arizona Capitol Times]

$
Donate with CC
Facebook

If you are ever in Lexington, Virginia and are looking for a nice, farm-to-table restaurant with a quality clientele, look no further than The Red Hen! Last night, Sarah Huckabee Sanders and her family went to go eat there, and found that she was not exactly not welcome.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

OK everyone, hello! It was a really shitty week with Trump's BABY JAILS and whatnot, right? And we cried and we cried, but then we got MAD. Are you MAD BRO? Because this shit is not going to stand and we are more fired up than ever to make things better, to register people to vote, to pick them up in our car so they can go vote, and also all the other stuff too. BRB TAKING OUR COUNTRY BACK NOW. That is how we are right now! So are you! Start by marching with Wonkette next week!

Also, please look above, as that is a picture of Wonkette toddler getting SWIMMING LESSONS. Isn't that the greatest?

OK, we are continuing our tradition of making the top ten post even shorter than ever before, because gotta get on the road and go to Nashville BRB GOING TO NASHVILLE NOW.

Stories chosen by Beyoncé, as per usual:

1. Why Are You Peeing On Yourself, Donald Trump, Jr.? (ALLEGEDLY)

2. Ann Coulter's America Will Die if Baby Jails Go Away, So That's Something!

3. Yes, Trump Is Stealing Children. But You Can DO Something.

4. Baby Jails? Goddamn Motherfucking BABY JAILS?

5. Trump's 500 Days Of Bummer

6. The 987,386 Most Fucked Up Lies Our Shithead President Told This Morning

7. Happy Father's Day, Roger Stone! YOU ARE THE COLLUSION!

8. Michael Cohen Slams Baby Jails On His Way To Grownup Jail

9. Awwwww Rudy Giuliani, YOU FUCKING SCARED?

10. Trump Foundation Fuckery? WHO KNEW!

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

OH HEY, one more thing. Know how Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you, and that's how we have salaries and servers and healthcare and liquor? If you want Wonkette to be here FOREVER, you gotta help us out, so won't you click here to do a $10 donation, or even better, a monthly subscription? WE LOVE YOU, YOU PAY OUR RENT.

Let's see ... anything else? Nope, BYE.

Yours in baby Jesus,

Wonkette

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries and servers are fully paid for by YOU! Please pay our salaries.

$
Donate with CC
Donate

SINGLE & MONTHLY DONATIONS

SUPPORT THE CAUSE - PAYPAL DONATION

PAYPAL RECURRING DONATIONS

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc