Show us on the doll where America hurt your boyfriend

Dana Perino, current Fox Blonde and former spokestwit for President Dubya, is none too happy that people are saying means about her boyfriend George. On Fox New's "The Five," she and four other Fox Morons discussed how unfair it is that people (namely, Donald Trump) are accusing George W. Bush of being president on 9/11, which George's dumber (yes, we went there) baby brother Jeb! has disputed.

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Several media organizations have investigated the claim and determined that while not elected president, Bush nonetheless served in the Oval Office, more or less, when he wasn't on vacation, at that time.

Fox Dude (we generally don't bother to learn their names) starts the convo by saying he doesn't think Trump is a 9/11 Truther:

I think what he's saying is 9/11 happened on Bush's watch, which is technically accurate, and history's going to magnify that, but everybody knows that Bush kept America safe after 9/11, and he put the tools in place to defeat the terrorists.

Sure, 9/11 "technically" happened on Bush's watch. But only in the technical sense that he was president at the time (technically), and that the worst terrorist attack on American soil happened when Bush was supposed to be watching out for that sort of thing. Technically.

But if we write off that first incident -- because every president who is George Bush gets a freebie (not you, Obama, you are not George Bush) -- then "everybody" knows he did a real bang-up job of not letting 9/11 happen a second time. And besides, if anyone is going to engage in the blatantly un-American act of blaming a president for a terrorist attack, Bill Clinton's the guy you want, even though he was technically not president on 9/11:

You want to play the blame game, you can point the finger at Bill Clinton. He was the one that passed up a free shot at bin Laden in the late '90s in Africa and passed.

According to this Fox logic, we should blame George W. Bush for the attack in Benghazi, which happened after his presidency, but clearly he's the one who passed up a free shot to take out Libya while he was still president, technically speaking.

Now it's Dana's turn to say words:

I think it's a dismal weekend when you have liberal conspiracy theories being introduced by the Republican front-runner. OK, it is soft trutherism. It is what it is. It's like it's soft racism, it's soft bigotry. You put it out there for a reason, because I guess you want to be provocative.

So now repeating the "liberal conspiracy theory" that George Bush was president on 9/11 is sorta like racism. Guess saying "President Bush" is a micro-aggression, in the soft squishy blob that is Dana Perino's brain.

Then Geraldo Rivera's porn-stache points out that there are ways to criticize George Bush for 9/11, without being a soft bigot racist truther, if that's what makes your nips hard:

There are legitimate questions about 9/11 and preparedness, in terms of the agencies not talking to each other — the NSA, the CIA. There was a more fact-based way to attack George W. Bush, if that's the way you wanted to get to Jeb Bush.

But nooooo, Dana Perino will not tolerate any criticism of her boyfriend whatsoever. None. At. All:

But even that wouldn't hold up because in almost every instance, you have independent — for example, the 9/11 Commission Report. Great book. I suggest that everybody who wants to be president should read it. Because it is the actions that were taken afterwards to try to protect — and several years ago on Hannity, I said something like, “The president kept us safe.” The left has never let me up on that because I didn't say “after 9/11.” Obviously, factually, after 9/11.

See? You simply cannot criticize George Bush for what happened leading up to 9/11, because look at everything he did after 9/11, which is so obviously and factually obvious and factual that it is absurd anyone should have to spell that out.

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Also, Dana Perino, we happen to have years-ago Dana Perino right here, so let's take a flashback thingy squiggly screen trip down memory lane to see what exactly years-ago Dana Perino said:

We did not have a terrorist attack during President Bush's term.

Guess the "after 9/11" is silent, like the "p" in "pneumonia." Gah. Is our children even learning?

Then she and some other Fox Dude commiserate about how the "lunatic left" has unfairly criticized Fox News for repeatedly insisting George Bush did keep us safe, because of course he did, everyone knows that, since 9/11 only happened the one time, and Bush was only technically president anyway.

[Video via TPM]

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Cripes the News has been awful lately! And so Yr Editrix suggested we find some good, positive news. Especially after we pitched writing a Wonket about this Mother Jones story on how global warming may be killing the whales, even though Donald Trump knows their prince. (Reply: "Nope. FOR SURE NOT THAT.") And so, as a reminder that a gooder world is possible and apropos of nothing at all that definitely didn't set your Editrix off on Twitter, where she has been stewing and bitching most shrillfully about the 2016 election and the 2020 election and any terrible similarities thereof and thereupon and therefore and thereto, we present a collection of videos of Elizabeth Warren yelling at big banks and calling for them to be broken up and their criminal operators to go to jail. Puppies and kittens will only get you so far, after all.

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