Dave Petraeus Reinvades Afghanistan With 'Multinational' NATO Surge
It's been an exciting week forAfghanistan, the reality teevee show where farty military brass compete to see who can cook up the most death and despair using only three ingredients. Our latest contestant, "Dave Petraeus," has an ambitious plan to send an additional 2,000 NATO soldiers to Afghanistan -- probably because he hates them and wishes them ill. This will be an elite multinational force, one comprised entirely of American troops because apparently our NATO allies have prematurely declared the end of combat operations in Afghanistan, like fools. The good news is that Italy has already sent its finest plumber to help with the counter-goomba insurgency.
According to the NATO source, it calls for an additional 2,000 troops including at least 750 personnel to serve as trainers for Afghan forces. The trainers specifically would work to teach Afghan units how to support their operations in the field. The balance of the forces would work largely to counter the still significant threat posed by improvised explosive devices (IEDs).
Another NATO official tells CNN "it's highly likely" many of the additional forces will be U.S. troops. Some NATO member countries are politically ambivalent about the war, he noted. And practically, it is only U.S. forces that have the most advanced equipment to counter roadside bombs.
Can we just pay the Taliban not to shoot at us already? We can call it the "Taliban Awakening" so that all the unemployed people will wrongly believe the Taliban woke up and finally realized how awesome America is. If they found out we actually just gave the Taliban money in exchange for "no more improvised explosive devices," America's highways might become littered with deadly bombs constructed by ambitious entrepreneurs. [CNN/insane pix via Something Awful]