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Days After Birth Certificate, Obama Walks Into New Conspiracy Theory

News

Now that Osama bin Laden is dead, President Obama's birth certificate is out of the news, and so is Donald Trump, whose teevee show was pre-empted last night before America could find out what's really important, which celebrity performed poorly in a fake business game. But that's okay, because bin Laden's death is a prime breeding ground for new conspiracy theories, and the press is salivating at the prospect of reporting them to you.


The Washington Post has this online article, which offers crazy people suggestions on where to base their new theories.

Buried at Sea

Bin Laden was reportedly transported from Pakistan and “buried at sea,” although it’s not clear in what body of water, according to a U.S. official. The Post reports that the U.S. government did not want there to be a gravesite that could be used as a shrine. Some conspiracy theorists doubt that bin Laden is dead because the body was disposed of so quickly. Others take issue with the lack of photographic evidence.

‘Mission Accomplished’ Anniversary

Yesterday was the eighth anniversary of President George W. Bush’s so-called “Mission Accomplished” speech. To some, this coincidence is an opportunity to use “Mission Accomplished” as a rallying cry — to show that almost 10 years after 9/11, the mastermind of the attack is dead. Others may see this as not a coincidence, but a carefully planned public relations act.

Sure, thanks, Post.

The U.S. is actually probably going to release photos of bin Laden soon to quell suspicion. But that will probably set the conspiracy theories in motion more than anything, because people have never found an image of bin Laden they really liked, have they? There's always argument over whether "it's really him." The U.S. could probably get more people to believe they killed bin Laden by releasing photos of a dead drag queen than putting out the images of his actual body.

People who hate Obama will find an excuse to say he's still a secret Muslim and played no part in killing bin Laden. And that's what separates us from Al Qaeda: We have the freedom to believe whatever we want in this country, even if it's an obvious and fundamentally disgusting lie.

Oh, by the way, Al Qaeda says bin Laden is still alive. Have fun, crazies! [WP]

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Since he's such a public-spirited guy, Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke generously offered to develop some land owned by his foundation in his home town of Whitefish, Montana, as a "Veterans Peace Park" where kids could go sledding in the winter and the goodly Volk could go to appreciate both veterans and, naturally enough, the BNSF railroad, which used to use the land as a gravel pit and which donated it to Zinke's "charitable" "foundation." (Zinke's foundation, it turns out, is like Trump's, if Donald Trump were just a bit more shameless.) So naturally, here comes Halliburton!

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Is there really a Blue Wave coming? Dunno! But hey, check out these polls!

(Yes, we know we got burned in 2016. And yes, we know polls this far out are no guarantee. What, you want another depressing story about baby jails? DIDN'T THINK SO. So come read these nice polls right now!)

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