DC MARYLAND PRIMARY ELECTION MADNESS!
If you're like us, you're not even registered here and you can't remember which candidate is which. One of them has the ad about walking down every street in the district, right? That guy's a liar. But whatever. Our extremely late Wonkette Endorsement goes to Clinton Portis. Write him in! It doesn't matter anyway, because of MASSIVE VOTER FRAUD! According to some email we just got, anyway:
As if the GOP couldn't make their desperation to grab office MORE obvious, this morning in Friendship Heights (surely a bastion of Republican voters), none of the electronic voting machines worked. Apparently the state election office delivered the machines, but not any of the swipe cards necessary to activate them. So all of the voters were voting provisional ballots. Now the more interesting part: since the MD provisional ballots require you to check a box marking why you're voting provisionally, and since there was no box to check labeled "Elections Board Screwed Up," it's a pretty safe bet that none of those ballots will be counted.
Yeah, the GOP -- we're sure they're planning on picking up some DC council seats by any means necessary. Including fraud in the primaries. Because controlling the federal government doesn't give them enough power over this pissant city that they're scared of and hate.
UPDATE: MORE MARYLAND FRAUD! VOTERS DISENFRANCHISED! STILL WAITING FOR DISTRICT FRAUD BUT WE'RE VERY SURE IT'S HAPPENING.
UPDATE2: EVEN MORE MARYLAND FRAUD AFTER THE JUMP!
IRISH NOT ALLOWED TO VOTE -- EVEN THOSE SOBER ENOUGH TO FIND POLLING PLACE
Maryland voting...daughter this morning in Crofton, MD although registered with last name McEvoy had to cast provisional....voter card machine can't deal with small letters in last name....Ronald McDonald can't electronically vote in a state where O'Malley is running......Also card validation machine couldn't handle folks with two last names if they had a space not a hyphen smith-jones can vote electronically but smith jones can't!!!!
WE WILL BE STAYING WITH THIS BREAKING STORY ALL DAY, OR UNTIL YOU STOP EMAILING US YOUR CHILLING STORIES...