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DC Will Be Paved In Charter Buses

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Do you know how many tourists there are in America? That's right, fifteen hundred billion and seven. Shortly before Inauguration Day, they will pileen masse into dreadful charter buses and ride to Washington D.C., where they will down in heaps of savage man-eating rats while toasting the swearing-in of our first black president.


City officials expect TEN THOUSAND CHARTER BUSES to come to D.C., which means there will be no space on roads for actual cars, and no space on sidewalks for pedestrians. Basically every flat surface in the city will be covered with tourists, and charter buses. Residents are expected to lose their fucking minds at all the miserable inconvenience visited on them by intruding yokels, who are expected to take up all the spaces on Metro trains to get to the inauguration. These tourists may also overtax the sewage system, sending great geysers of human waste into the brisk January air, as well as consume all available oxygen within a 50-mile radius.

Where Do You Park 10,000 Charter Buses?

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'Miga and Carlos' by Wonkette Operative 'Chica'

It's Father's Day, which means it's time for Yr Dok Zoom and his son to go to brunch and check out the downtown Boise Father's Day Car Show so we can ooh and ah over the very same Corvettes 'n' Mustangs 'n' lovingly-restored classic cars that are there every year, and I will probably once again point at the '68 Beetle converted to run on electricity and say, "Oh look, a Voltswagen!" Traditions matter. (Kid Zoom is 22, so I may also/instead meet him for cocktails later like grown up human people.)

Don't worry about any deep thoughts on the Meaning of Fatherhood here -- we're just going to enjoy the goofy side of dadding, which as far as I'm concerned is the best thing I've done with my time. Especially since my role model for parenting was the unnamed Dad from "Calvin and Hobbes."

As any fool knows, ice rises to the top of liquids because it's cold, and just wants to be closer to the sun so it can warm up. It's all in the book you get when you become a father.

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