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DC Will Be Paved In Charter Buses

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Do you know how many tourists there are in America? That's right, fifteen hundred billion and seven. Shortly before Inauguration Day, they will pileen masse into dreadful charter buses and ride to Washington D.C., where they will down in heaps of savage man-eating rats while toasting the swearing-in of our first black president.


City officials expect TEN THOUSAND CHARTER BUSES to come to D.C., which means there will be no space on roads for actual cars, and no space on sidewalks for pedestrians. Basically every flat surface in the city will be covered with tourists, and charter buses. Residents are expected to lose their fucking minds at all the miserable inconvenience visited on them by intruding yokels, who are expected to take up all the spaces on Metro trains to get to the inauguration. These tourists may also overtax the sewage system, sending great geysers of human waste into the brisk January air, as well as consume all available oxygen within a 50-mile radius.

Where Do You Park 10,000 Charter Buses?

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