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Members of the Secret Service have to be feeling pretty relieved that theirs is now not the only federal agency with an embarrassing hookers-in-Colombia scandal. Agents from the Drug Enforcement Agency allegedly had "sex parties" -- and possibly even wild sex parties -- with prostitutes in Colombia from 2005 to 2008, according to a Department of Justice inspector general's report. And just to add to the fun, the DEA agents' prostie-parties were reportedly paid for by drug cartels, which is, depending on your perspective, either way worse or way better than the Secret Service prostitution capers. On the one hand, at least the Secret Service wasn't having its hookers paid for by the Assassins' Guild. On the other other hand, the Secret Service scandal came to light partly because the cheap bastards didn't even pay their hookers, who complained, so we can take some comfort from the fact that the DEA's ladies received a fair day's wages for their negotiable affection. It's all a matter of perspective, no?


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Beyond all the compensated sexing, the DEA agents also got helped out by Colombian police, who allegedly provided "protection for the DEA agents’ weapons and property during the parties," which is awfully nice of them! It's so distracting when you spend half your time during a sex party wondering whether your gun is in good hands.

But don't worry -- those responsible have been punished to the full extent of their superiors' attention spans: "Ten DEA agents later admitted attending the parties, and some of the agents received suspensions of two to 10 days." Justice: done.

Here's an awfully fun couple of paragraphs; just remember that this is the actual Drug Enforcement Agency that's being described, and not an episode of the cartoon spy show Archer. We especially love knowing the owners of the building where the DEA agents lived had been complaining, to no avail. Talk about crappy tenants!

The parties reportedly took place from 2005 to 2008, but the DEA’s Office of Professional Responsibility became aware of them only in 2010, after it received an anonymous complaint. DEA supervisors, however, had been aware of the allegations for several years because of complaints from management of the building in which the DEA office in Bogotá was located.

“Although some of the DEA agents participating in these parties denied it, the information in the case file suggested they should have known the prostitutes in attendance were paid with cartel funds. A foreign officer also alleged providing protection for the DEA agents’ weapons and property during the parties,” the report said. “The foreign officers further alleged that in addition to soliciting prostitutes, three DEA SSAs [special agents] in particular were provided money, expensive gifts, and weapons from drug cartel members.”

But what's a little friendly cooperation between drug agents and drug cartels? Probably kept things mellow and a lot less shooty. Then again, so might legalizing certain recreational drugs, but that's a totally different matter. On top of everything else, the DEA was reportedly less than cooperative with the inspector general investigation, yet another example of law enforcement officers and their code of silence -- we suppose in the DEA, that would be the Thin White Line.

Congressman Jason Chaffetz, Republican chair of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, promises investigations, which should make for some must-see TV.

Oh, and did we mention that this was all in the context of a multi-agency investigation into "sexual harassment and misconduct," which seems to have focused far more on sexual misconduct than on harassment, because people having improper consensual sex is apparently a much greater problem than women being harassed in government agencies? Still, among all the allegations of consensual adultery and fornication, the IG did manage to find at least one example of genuine harassment, not that anyone had to answer for it:

“For over 3 years, an ATF Program Manager failed to report allegations that two training instructors were having consensual sex with their students. According to the incident report, the Program Manager learned the same instructors had engaged in substantially the same activities 3 years earlier but had merely counseled the training instructors without reporting the alleged activities” to the Internal Affairs Division.

Sure, sexing a student is "consensual." Isn't that the kind of thing wild-eyed liberals have decided is a no-no? At least that wasn't done with drug cartel sponsorship. OR WAS IT?

[Politico via NYDN]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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