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Deadspin Tells Donald Trump What America Has Been Thinking For Years

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There's really not much more we can add, unless maybe it's this observation byGQ editor Freddie Campion: "You know you're having a good week when this is only the second best thing you've published in less than 24 hours."


Oh, what, you want context? OK, sure, context. (Short version: Inspirational Notre Dame linbacker Manti Te'o won a football game shortly after his grandmother and his girlfriend tragically died within 24 hours of each other, except, as Deadspin revealed, the "girlfriend" never actually existed.)

There's plenty of other stuff out there about all this, but beyond praising the shining crystalline brilliance of this tweet, we shall not look at any of it since we are a mommyblog, not a sportsblog. If we start thinking about this story's implications for reality, especially when combined with the existence of human beings who apparently believe that the Newtown shootings were a hoax, we start worrying that the Holodeck program in which we live is starting to develop some disturbing bugs. Don't be too surprised if you start seeing gridlines underneath everything, is all we're saying.

[Twitter / GQ]

Check out Wonkette on Facebook and Twitter and even on Tumblr. And if you worry that daily life is starting to resemble a Philip K. Dick story, Doktor Zoom is on Twitter, also, too.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Photo by Daniel Stockman, Creative Commons license 2.0

It's Sunday, and that means it's time for a break from the ongoing grind of awfulness out there. Let's dive into some cool, funny, thoughtful stuff to fortify ourselves before we get back to the daily madness, shall we?

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After watching President Arty McDeals twist in the wind for a month, IRL politician Mitch McConnell finally decided to throw the mook a lifeline. Despite constant screaming about women with duct tape over their mouths, Trump is getting blamed for the shutdown and even his own supporters are starting to turn on him. So Ol' Yertle summoned Mike Pence and Jared Kushner to his chambers for some #RealTalk.

"Tell Donald that he has to offer something so it looks like the Democrats are the ones who won't compromise." He said. (Probably.)

"That's great," squeaked young Jared (allegedly), "Democrats are desperate. We've got them right where we want them." McConnell blinked hard.

"No, Jared," he probably said. "They're not going to take the deal. We'd have more luck getting Mexico to pay for it. The point is to offer something silly so they turn us down, and then we try to convince the public that the shutdown is Democrats' fault."

"I don't get it," said Jared (allegedly), as Mother's boy Pence furrowed his brow and sighed through his nose. (Not allegedly, it's his signature move.)

"I know," Mitch might have said. "Believe me, I know."

Which is how President Teleprompter wound up giving a MAJOR ADDRESS yesterday offering to hold off on deporting some of the Dream Act kids for a hot second if Democrats will just give him $5.7 billion for WALL and let him expel future child arrivals without a hearing. Trump himself rescinded protections for up to a million immigrants brought here as kids as soon as he took office, but he'll let some of those hostages go if Democrats will just give him cash for that WALL that Mexico is "indirectly" paying for. Heck, he'll even let 300,000 people who fled war and natural disasters and put down roots here over decades to stay a little longer, if that's what it takes. He plans to deport them all in three years anyway, or else use them for another round of hostage negotiations. (If we re-elect That Orange Idiot, spit on the ground/sign of the horns/God forbid.)

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