Dear John,

BrrrrCan we talk? I mean, I'm sure you're busy with the campaign and the rumors and the cancer-stricken wife and the kids and stuff, but this is a little ridick, ok? You're in Iowa, there's snow on the ground and it's obviously fucking cold. I know that there's some boys handbook in campaigns that says you can't look manly and wear a coat, but you look a little ridiculous not, frankly. Go get yourself one of those nice tailored cashmere overcoats (or one in black and another in camel, if you insist on matching), they're soft, you'll look dashing and you won't look like some high school kid who won't wear a coat because he doesn't want to look uncool.

Also, then, we really have to talk about your shoes. I'm sure it's not at all that you don't want to ruin your nice, expensive Italian leather loafers with salt and moisture that you're wearing hiking boots with your suit, I know it's just you don't want to slip and look like an asshole but, honestly, you sorta already do walking around outside with hiking boots under your suit and no coat. And don't try to tell me that you change your shoes when you get inside because we both know that's not true. But you shouldn't wear those shoes with a suit and you simply can't if you're not going to fully embrace the cold and wear a damn coat.

Look, maybe this was harsh, but I know you'll thank me.

Yours, Megan


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