Dear Nestlé, And Also Michigan, Please Eat A Bag Of Assholes

Water Oligarchy

Not content with sucking enough water out of Michigan to reclaim the Mojave Desert and turn it into lush farmland, Nestlè has decided that they are still super thirsty, and need to take all the waters from Michigan. See for yourselves. These water Chupacabras have begged a boon from the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, and lo, it was granted. All they want to do is increase how much they are allowed to divert away from residents in order to make themselves wealthier. And for $200 a year, how could the DEQ deny them? I mean, 200 bucks is a LOT of money!

Sure, they can point to about 70 people out of a bajillionty who support their efforts, but that still leaves millions of us with our eyes locked in side-eye position, wondering if they also plan on claiming our firstborn children and then selling them back to us. I’m not saying that Nestlè is the Devil or a cruel witch or Rumpelstiltskin, but I am saying that they are pure evil and should be burned with dragonfire.

Perhaps they plan on "donating" some of the water they are stealing back to the people they stole it from. Have we mentioned yet that Nestle is paying $200 to suck up Michigan's water, bottle it, and sell it back, at the same time Michigan has decided its past time the lazy takers from Flint stopped getting free bottled water? We regret the error.

Perhaps they got a sweet rush out of all that outrage from those silly peons who were being poisoned to death. Perhaps they are just greedy bastards who don’t give a hot shit what we think.

We haven’t forgotten about how they like to suck the tit of California dry even during a drought, and then play innocent and concerned. Remember this?

Regardless of how they feel, it might be time for them to engage in a bit of cannibalism and eat an entire bag of assholes ... right this instant.

[MLive / NYT]


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