Kucinch: Wants to "lay [his] hands" on America. As if we needed a reminder that he's single.
Clark: Does not "blame" Bush for the 9/11 attacks, just thinks he "didn't do all he could have done to prevent them." We tried to convince our husband to see our affair this way.
Edwards: Would like to remind you that, in addition to being the son of a mill worker, was born not far from here.
Dean: Who's the guy with the neck? He sounds sort of familiar.
Kerry: Takes credit only for the pretty legislation he's passed.
Lieberman: The "experienced moderate" in the race. It's like being the tallest short man in the room. Ironically, he is the tallest short man in the room.
Sharpton: Scores major points for disabusing Brokaw of the notion that the war on terrorism is being conducted against a bunch of black men in bow ties: "I assume when you say 'the Nation of Islam' you're talking about Islamic nations."
Brokaw: Surprise winner in the pander-a-thon for showing us his pert, firm ass for the entire debate.