Deborah Jeane Palfrey Explains It All For You
As a service to Wonkette readers, we boil down the press release from DC Madam Deborah Jeane Palfrey (on which she misspells her own name) to what's really necessary.
|Palfrey Says||We say|
| First, allow me to say how genuinely|
sorry I am for Mr. Tobias, his family and his friends. I unfortunately know first-hand the
impact such a revelation can have upon one's life.
|Who could have imagined when all this began that there would be no happy ending? Had we anticipated this, clearly he would have been offered a discount.|
|I endeavored diligently for five months...to maintain the confidentiality of the client records...It was only when the Government's AUSA's - Catherine Connelly, Daniel Butler and William Cowden - refused every reasonable offer [that I made] the determination to utilize the records for my defense.||We were close to reaching an arrangement with Butler--he seemed pretty into the idea of an "Oklahoma three-way" complete with edible jodhpurs--but ultimately, he totally flaked.|
| Initially, thought was given to raising the requisite funds needed to mount an expensive|
criminal defense by selling the records.
|I quickly realized: "Oh, that's right! I make all my money illegally!"|
|It should be noted, the assessment here not to sell the forty-six pounds of|
telephone invoices was made irrespective of the Court's order prohibiting me from doing
|Forty-six pounds of phone invoices? Why did you weigh it? To make sure it would fit in the National Archives?|
|Nonetheless, the decision ultimately was made to hand over the records to a|
responsible media outlet, in this case ABC News, in New York.
|ABC News: If we can handle Mark Halperin, what's another whoremaster?|
|My hope defense witnesses could be found by combing through the information indeed is|
|"Being realized?" This is music to our ears!|
|I am dismayed however, by Mr. Tobias's|
refusal to come forward until now with this extremely valuable exculpatory evidence.
|Seriously! What a dick! I totally had him all wrong.|
|As for those however, who disobeyed my directives...and participated in illegal behavior, be they client or subcontractor, I would expect the|
Government...to charge each and every individual with the crimes of money laundering, racketeering
and/or conspiracy, as well. After all, racketeering and conspiracy offenses in particular
require two or more parties.
|My special themed "racketeering and conspiracy parties" require six or more participants, and you must provide your own clamps.|
|Allow me to leave you with this thought, if I may. Surely, most people have established|
by now that mine is a very bizarre case.
|Man, Deborah...you have not been in DC long!|
|I would ask the press and media to put aside the titillation of|
the "Who's Who" list - at least in part - and instead investigate the disturbing genesis,
the confounding evolution and the equally alarming continuation of this matter.
|Oh, now...that's just fucking adorable!|