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Even Dinsdale was frightened of Doug ... He used sarcasm. He knew all the tricks: dramatic irony, metaphor, bathos, puns, parody, litotes and satire.

Yr Wonkette is no stranger to the double-edged weapon of sarcasm, we'll admit. OR WILL WE? It's part of our postmodern toolkit, with which we seek to undermine patriotism, faith, the free market, the family, and ultimately America itself. Duh. But we would never be so naive as to think we have a monopoly on irony and sarcasm, oh no, far from it. This week, we dip into the sludge of deletia for some brilliant examples of cutting rightwing wit turned back on us, with devastating results. Hope you're not all TRIGGERED so much you have to go find a SAFE SPACE, libs!


First up, we have "LiberalForceProjectionIam," who showed up a few weeks back on our post about the Trump Administration's plans for Family Separation 2.0. Just look how LibForPIA cleverly deploys common liberal tropes to prove we are the worst of hypocrites!

As a liberal progressive in good standing I believe that we need more immigration. If you don't agree you must be racist. We have so much room. I would take in many in home but the home owners association would not allow it. It just wouldn't work. But it's not becaue I am not progressive! I buy carbon credits and drink fair trade coffee only. I studied women's literature in college not some racist subject like physics!

If you read very carefully, you just might discern his REAL meaning! Liberals are very foolish people who want more immigration, just as long as those people don't bring crime to liberal neighborhoods. Also, individuals trying to do anything about global warming and economic exploitation are very trivial.

But was there more of this subtle satire? You bet there was! LOTS more! Just look at all the beloved liberal shibboleths our visitor deftly deflates, albeit without alliteration:

  • If only we could have kept the utopia we had from 2008 to 2016. No war. Good race relations and free healthcare! Now we are in the hitler Times!
  • You must be a Nazi. Reporting to ministry of truth.
  • We progressives know better. We have Hollywood celebrities on our side. That's why we win all the elections.
  • Sometimes for free speech to be free we must shut down speech we disagree with which is the same as wrong speech. It's progressive.
  • We should make the south and Midwest take in migrants. They would not fit up here in the northeast though. But if they don't want them in places like Kansas it's becaue of racist Nazi talk.
  • We decide what hate speech is because we are progressive. We studied sociology in college. Not math. We are better.
  • I am the purest progressive here. I have stated we are in Nazi times and trump is hitler. And I have been attacked! This site must be run by Russians!!!!!
  • We progressives know that hate speech is wrong and words can hurt. That's why I don't call people morons or idiots. Unless they are republicans or trump supporters their feelings don't count.
  • Only we progressives care about black folks. All those black people that support trump must be Russian holograms or mentally ill. My driver is an African American and this morning I told him I was down for the struggle! He knows I am progressive!

Honestly, we rich liberals who all live in the northeast (and California, of course) should be ashamed of ourselves for what hypocrites we are, riding around in our limousines, oppressing the blacks (who are not liberals themselves), because we are the real racists, and clamping down on free speech. Truly, if we are not stopped, America will soon be a totalitarian nightmare like in 1984, the famous novel by George Orwell, who hated socialism with all his heart and loved free speech for the far right, and also capitalism and the American Way. Also, just look at the crazy things liberals believe about gender, too!

We feel pretty horrible about having tapped "LiberalForceProjectionIam" with the Banhammer of Loving Correction (© and ™ John Scalzi), but we banned 'em all the same. Simply proves how terrified we are of having our ideas challenged by a FREE THINKERER.

Ah well, that's just how it goes when one lives in an out-of-touch coastal bubble like Boise, Idaho. We would have been briefly concerned about our hypocritical betrayal of free speech, but then our butler arrived with our free-trade coffee and our latest issue of the New York Times climate newsletter (both couriered by private jet), so we instead just threw another fetus on the fire and called Barbara Streisand and Robert DeNiro to ask where we should fund a new madrassa.

Thank goodness we wrote a dissertation on rhetoric, not something fascist like engineering! Also, why does this numpty keep suggesting the humanities are useless, while science is worthy and admirable, but climate science appears to be liberal witchcraft? Guess some science is more equal than others!

The same article also attracted another satirist, "SuchSights," whom we briefly suspected might be LibForce again, but who knows? We're guessing not, since the sarcasm was mostly focused on immigration policy. You see, there's an exact parallel between Trump's family separation policy, which sent children to baby jails, and Americans having their kids placed with a relative, or even in foster care, when they're sent to jail. Except maybe for the part where the immigration baby jails made no attempt to keep records of where the parents went. But at least there was also some ranting about liberal media brainwashing, too:

  • How horrible is it that sometimes they throw people in jail for breaking the law when those people have children? My neighbor Bob just got arrested for drinking and driving for the 3rd time and they put him in jail for 2 years! He has children, those fucking Nazis!
  • You are so right. They all use the words libtard and lock her up. You know they have audacity to call trusted news sources like CNN and the New York Times fake news? Do you know they don't even watch Colbert and Oliver? Those retards, how are they supposed to get told what to think?
  • It's so horrible to imagine. Being born into a country with corrupt politicians that steal all the wealth. Instead of trying to improve my own country, the country next door's politicians say they will give me free education, medical, and not even put me in jail for breaking the law, I just need to make sure to vote correctly!

Silly asylum seekers! You should stay in your dangerous countries and make them better, just like American rightwingers would! Because sure, maybe your family is facing death from a gang and the government won't keep you safe, but hey, you could run for city council and really fix things, lazybones. We're just surprised "SuchSights" didn't suggest all the Central Americans form armed militias to protect themselves from the gangs, and maybe overthrow the tyrants (at which point they'd be communist rebels America could bomb).

Finally, there's this, from "ilea vazan," who bravely spoke truth to Wonkette's very own comments policy, to prove what hypocrites we are:

We love you....[ Me too]

Don't be a dick to others.... [You too]

"We are here to help each other get through this thing, whatever it is" -- KV... [

Each - other , not us ]

We're not entirely sure what "ilea" is getting at with that comment on the Kurt Vonnegut line. Perhaps they think "each other" refers only to people in the liberal bubble, while we secretly want everyone outside it to die horribly? Rest assured, "ilea!" Uncle Kurt really objected to massacres! Yes, even of people he disagreed with. He didn't like Nazis, but thought the firebombing of Dresden was very bad. That's fine -- you can call him a hypocrite if you want. He's dead, and won't mind. So it goes.


Please read our Comment Policy before commenting. [OK]

1.No slurs on children or the mentally disabled (the actually mentally
disabled). This is well-established, assholes...

[ Is that including Emma Gonzalez and David Hogg , or you have pro-gun policy?]

And again, we have no idea why the existence of Emma Gonzalez and David Hogg is supposed to illustrate the hypocrisy of our first rule. They certainly aren't fans of the NRA, but if they've ever "slurred" other kids who disagree with them about the need for stricter gun regulations, we haven't seen it. Maybe "ilea" thinks it's unfair that Gonzalez said mean things about the guy who murdered their friends? Tell you what: if she ever posts here, we'll make sure she behaves.

2.No wishing or ideating on physical threats to those with whom you disagree (i.e. 'machinegunning' or hoping for their deaths in any other sense than that you hope they die lonely and alone).

[ ...UNLESS THIS IS ABOUT DONALD TRUMP OR A DEPLORABLE]

We're happy to say we really don't tolerate people fantasizing about death or torture or even physical injury to those we disagree with. No, not even Trump and deplorables. In fact, we've occasionally pissed off a few of our regular readers by telling them their violent fantasies aren't welcome. Will some such comments slip through? Of course, sometimes, because we don't pre-approve every single comment and we rely on readers to flag them when they appear.

3.Try not to be totally libelous....

[ So, do it secretly by report the person, because otherwise become too obviously communist practice?]

You know, we're starting to think not only is English not "ilea's" first language (not that there's anything wrong with that!), but that he or she has absolutely no idea what "libel," "communism," or "comment moderation" are. Incidentally, this it one rule we seldom have to enforce (outside the occasional weird stalker types), because why bother with libel when we have fart jokes?

4. If you wanna be disgusting pigs and talk about skullfucking your enemies, then your editrix, as a one-eyed man-king in the land of the blind, will not take offense. But it's pretty perilously fucking close to wishing rape on someone. Maybe think about that? ...

[ That is not including the libtards pretending to be Trump supporters , right?]

Wut? Honestly, we have no freaking idea what "ilea" is getting at. Was there a rash of liberals here, pretending to be Trump supporters and calling for violence to liberals here? Or...? Damned if we know. Still, we'll definitely keep an eye out for that, you betcha.

5. Sometimes someone who works here -- one of our moderators or perhaps the dogs -- will ban you or delete or edit your comment or laugh at you publicly, even though you didn't break a stated rule! That is because they're in charge here, and they're sick of your shit.

... [ So ,you have dogs in the fight]

The Wonkette dogs are all sweethearts. Most are lab mixes, in fact! But that was kind of a joke, we guess -- good job!

6. There is NO Rule 6....

[SIX IS NO VALUE NUMBER, IT'S ONLY A NUMBER OF DECEIVE]

Look, we can handle some nonsensical accusations of hypocrisy, but lacking basic familiarity with Monty Python sketches definitely marks you as an outsider, and a very silly person. Ni! Ni! Ni!

7. OBEY THE LAWS, MINIONS, OR BE DEALT WITH WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE. But not Texas-style, as we are civilized....

[Do we , the people, need to quote Marx , Trotsky or Lenin in here, or Hitler would be good enough ?]

I thought we were an autonomous collective! Ah, we're fooling ourselves. Also, please mark "Hitler was a socialist" on your wingnut bingo cards.

"Eat the rich but enjoy going to their parties "

-- Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat.She is on maternity leave until 2033. ...

WAS MY COMMENT FUNNY OR YOU'RE SENDING THE DOGS?

Don't be ridiculous. We like the dogs. They sniffed at the comment, decided it wasn't food, and peed on it. We trust their judgment. Hey, bud try some litotes sometime, will ya? You could do worse.

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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