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Hey, looks like Yr Wonkette wandered onto one of thosenews aggravation sites again. This time, we had an influx of new readers from the Gun-Fondling community, who simply wanted to have an honest exchange of views on the question of gun safes, until their comments went to moderation like all new comments do, at which point it became clear that We Are Nazis. And in this case, we are Double Nazis, because not only do we practice troll control, we also expressed support for a Michigan law that would require parents to lock up their guns. Don't we know that's exactly how Hitler got started?


We found "illinoisj" amusing, if only for their attempts to game the approval system. The first attempt was REAL MATURE, GUY:

did any of your parents have any children that weren't born brain dead? looks like all of you qualify.

Oh, we been zinged! And not long after, our favorite: you can see the wheels turning and "illinoisj" thinking, "Maybe if I say something bad about the NRA, this dumb librul  site will post it!" So we get this:

nra is nuts

ATTENTION WINGNUT AMERICA: THERE IS A TRAITOR IN YOUR MIDST! FOR $20,000 AND A COUPON TO THE ABORTIONPLEX, WE WILL REVEAL THE EMAIL AND I.P. ADDRESS OF THE BLASPHEMER.

7 minutes later, dejection:

this site is worthless. apparently you only like the comments that are posted by the hitler youth above. so, fo.

No, "illinoisj"... not "fo." Friend.

"dccmadams" once saw a bumper sticker that changed their worldview, and left a pair of comments:

  • I do not, and will not lock up my guns. I do have children. My weapons can be loaded in a few seconds, but not by any of the folks posting on here I see. Remember, when seconds matter, the police are minutes away.
  • Have you heard about the knife at the gunfight?

Ah, but are you adequately protected from your knife-fighting children? If you aren't packing 24/7, are you truly safe? Do you have a shower holster? (we mean an actual holster for a gun in the shower. This time.)

"mahannaha" goes for the good old all-caps style of persuasion:

YOU KNOW I'M GOING TO LOCK MY GUNS IN SAFE BECAUSE I KNOW A THEIF IS GOING TO GIVE A CHANCE TO GO UNLOCK MY GUNS AND BLOW HIS ASS AWAY. RAVE ON ALL YOU FUCKING IDIOTS THAT HAVE ALL OF THE WORLD PROBLEM ANSWERS.

But let's look at some serious logic from "illinoisj," our easily frustrated visitor. We really need to just stop making gun owners out to be irresponsible or something, and focus on the real problem:

all of you act like gun owners leave their firearms out for their kids to play with. it's not like firearms owners illegally run them down to mexico. know anyone that's done that? other than your attorney general that is?

Haw haw! We guess we do act like gun owners leave their firearms out for their kids to play with, possibly because reports in which that very thing happens are a FUCKING DIME A DOZEN IN U.S. AMERICA and we are FUCKING TIRED of grimly joking about how a dead person should have been armed against a kid who found a gun that was left out in easy reach. Yeah, that is maybe why we act like that.

Finally, we have an alleged personal testimony from "pitbullpapa3240," who shares this evidence of why no gun should ever be locked up in a home with children:

I was 9 when I shot and killed an intruder hell bent on raping my older sister and stabbing me with a kitchen knife. Thank god in the 70s it was normal to have kids handle and learn to use guns. Every home should have a gun and every one in it should learn to use one.... Just like a fire extinguisher! When seconds mean life or death the cops are only minutes away, if you can get anyone to answer 911 without putting you on hold!

This thoroughly plausible story from an anonymous person on the internet is far more convincing than some stupid science guys who say that children living in homes with guns are far more likely to die accidentally (or maybe commit suicide) than to be protected by that gun.

Because when your six year old is bleeding out after being shot by a four year old neighbor, the NRA is only minutes away from sending out a fundraising letter warning that the Nazis want to take your carelessly-stored gun away.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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