Hey-ho, wonkadoodlers! Time for another trip to the comments queue to see what brilliance we have received from would-be commenters. Our first note today comes from "JustPJs," who apparently is very relaxed in personal attire but not in vigilance when it comes to LIBERTY. JustPJs was very displeased by our little New Year's Eve piece on how libruls have fallenout of love with Barry Bamz, because it ignores some basic facts:


Hey Rebecca, back away from the crack pipe girl. This one of the most ridiculous articles I have ever read. This child in chief has stomped all over the constitution since day one. When Republicans take the senate in '14 This POTUS will be lucky if he is not impeached. The most dishonest administration in this nations history. His " 1/2 blackness" is just as bad as his 1/2 whiteness.

Wow, that had everything but "birf certificate" in there, though maybe that's implied among the many things for which Obama will be impeached (BenghazIRSfast&furiousolydrabenghaziiiiiii). With GOP retaking the Senate, impeachment, most dishonest ever, and half-blackness -- that's four spaces on your Wingnut Meme Bingo card. And yet, surprisingly short on details!

Next up, some fact-based statistical analysis from "TobyKeith," who we are pretty sure is not the gentleman we wrote about in this article about Toby Keith's restaurants not allowing weapons inside. Fake TobyKeith wants us to know some SCIENCE FACTS:

After Virginia started allowing guns to be carried in bars back in 2010, firearms-related crimes in restaurants dropped over 5% in the following year. If only there was a way to make this a more widespread phenomenon.

Wow, that's about the clearest cause-effect explanation possible for a one-year statistical fluctuation in what one would hope is a fairly low number to start with. Seriously, is "firearms-related crimes in restaurants" even a category in Virginia law enforcement? We rather think it isn't -- in fact, we think we found the source of the stats that Fake TobyKeith is talking about; that web forum includes a link to a real article from 2011 that we will not bother paying to read, so no idea on raw numbers or methodology. Again, a one-year change in what should presumably be a relatively small number to start with doesn't tell you a heck of a lot. But thank you for not just making something up! But anyway, without derailing our whole shitferbrains here, the "more guns = less crime" argument is far from airtight.

Our story about Camille Paglia and the Duck Dynasty Derp generated some extra agita for "wjsullivanii," who has a whole lot to say about FREEDOM and why teh gheys have no reason to even be bothered by the poor oppressed bearded goofball:

Man, this is hilarious for me. To watch Paglia's flock attack the shepherd. I'll be honest, I disagree with Paglia 95% of the time (honestly, I haven't read enough of her stuff to be that close on the figure). But damn, she's right here, and where liberty is concerned, we may be closer than I suspected. This faux-outrage over ONE MAN'S OPINION, which in no way significantly affects the LGBT community, is pretty disgusting. Watching the attack dogs breach the woodwork to bleat like sheep about a Phil Robertson speaking his OPINION, an act which should still be among those inalienable rights, is a thing to behold! I'll say this: Paglia is an absolute talent. The best the left has, and even when I disagree, a joy to read. And that she would be so quickly cast aside by militant leftists is a promising turn for Americans cut from my more conservative cloth.

Yep, Camille Paglia is the smartest liberal ever, because sometime she agrees with conservatives.

Our recent story about the Responsible Gun Owner who responsibly blew away his 14-year-old daughter, thinking she was a burglar, noted the tendency of commenters at Glenn Beck's The Blaze to explain away the shooting as something that could never happen to them, because they are much better, more responsible gun owners than the responsible gun owner in the story. And so of course we got this comment from "DougDavis82":

It doesnt say it in the news article but the stepdad in Colorado was a former 18D Special Forces medical Sergeant. A Spec Ops guy really should have known better than to just start shooting at an unknown target.

See! Can't possibly happen to a truly well-trained gun owner. Except for when it does happen. And the incessant rhetoric about defending your home from ravening hordes of home invaders couldn't possibly play a role. It was a one-off mistake in target identification. Can't happen again. And it totally will.

And finally, our story about the white guy who decided to get in on the "knockout game" for equality or something -- in a video, the attacker reportedly said "the plan is to see if I were to hit a black person, would this be nationally televised?" -- drew this plea for understanding and balance from "dmc13":

eh, it's hard to manufacture the snark about this one. dude, should be locked up. yet it's worth pointing out that if you're white its a racially motivated 'hate crime', whereas if you are black I guess its just a strong dislike crime. why does this instance of 'knockout' deserve a much harsher federal sentence than most of the others?

Yes. Why won't we just admit that the blacks are doing war on the whites and charge them accordingly? Especially when they ask on videotape, "Hey, I wonder if a black guy attacking a white person will be news?" Which pretty much all of them say, but never get charged with a hate crime, because of how The System is just so unfair to whitey.

It is a hard hard life out there for the white man who just wants his share. See the career of Pat Boone, for instance.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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