Princess Sunbutt Will Rise Again!

Oh, what a lovely crop of stupid we have harvested for you this week, ye Wonkers. There's some new stuff, as well as a few geniuses who suddenly showed up to re-fight a post about the Civil War from months ago. Talk about your Lost Cause!

[contextly_sidebar id="W4uLN3HLt3LDceKJSblgawid25lzbDQG"]Let's start with this enlightened political critique from "dicksuckingmoslemprez," who was no doubt frustrated that Disqus name-length restrictions wouldn't let him fit "teleprompters," "birth certificate," and "Benghazi" into his username as well. Dicksuckingmoslemprez took exception to our piece on Maureen Dowd's latest drunk column, not because he's fond of Maureen Dowd, but because the piece was about Hillary Clinton:

The military should refuse all orders if she is installed in The White HouseAll but the illegals, queers, trannies, and female special forces, of course.

Sorry, dicksuckingmoslemprez, we're pretty sure Ross Douthat is not currently looking for an understudy.

Our story on Marco Rubio's Christmas Gun displeased "Travis Jackson," who likes guns a lot and will not have them spoken against:

Bunch of liberal fucktards. Oh no a gun go crawl under a table and piss all over yourselves. Fucking clowns. You possess an unnatural fear of an inatimate object. Does mommy come check your closet at night?

[contextly_sidebar id="sTpOR3VkGpWlyEzzgVqqymCIEZC3K6bE"]"Inatimate" isn't even a fun typo, dammit. We can only observe that late January is when a lot of the weakest movies tend to get released, as the studios clear out the stuff that nobody would have watched during the Christmas season. Something similar may be going on with blog comments from rightwing doofuses -- they just keep churning out the same recycled crap. But maybe there's something else worth looking at in the Multiplex of Ideas?

How about "Seewetoldu," who was not at all impressed by our piece on a Frank Luntz focus group where several oppressed white people were sad that you simply can't speak the truth about race anymore. Seewetoldu simply wanted us to know that the only real racism out there comes from The Blacks, as well as their liberal enablers, even though The Blacks have all been harmed by Barack Obama's terrible economic policies. He also seems to have a personal vendetta against punctuation, which is some kind of liberal plot:

That has to be the most ignorant thing I have ever read. Just like BLM failure and lies the Democrats like George Soros funded. Democrat politicians have to spin racism to fit their (Obamas) agenda.Once Obama leaves office he will take the racism with him.Its time to think for yourselves and stop drinking the Democrats racist agenda kool-aid.

[contextly_sidebar id="967aydTX6kS6imS236hMKQ5fU7dkcigP"]That's nice to know! So when Hillary or Bernie is sworn in, there'll be no more racism? Then the problem will probably be all the sexism or anti-Semitism the new president starts imposing on Real America, all funded by George Soros, of course.

Seewetoldu also wants us to READ A BOOK, so we will become as smart as he is. He even has some suggested sources for Real True Facts!

  • Ok, lets start with you actually reading from reliable source and not one like this place. Or one from the Liberal main stream media. . Sorry to tell you that using your brain will be mandatory. Oh BTW , the Democratic rein is over. You will find that info @ Breitbart too ! xoxoxo
  • Liberals hate reading and confronting the facts. So please do.This might be the only time in 8 years you actually have. I just` wonder at what time 30 percent unemployment for blacks will register with them. I hope pretty soon...xoxoxo
  • So let me get this straight. Instead of addressing the real problem (30 percent Obama unemployment) complain about me making the statement?Because Im not black? Wow,this level of ignorance is astonishing . So that makes FOX news point. You are racist/unqualified for just opening your mouth on any controversial subject.-See We Told U...again.
  • And black teen unemployment was 23.7 which was what I was referring to . You forgot to add the chronically unemployed to your figures.And I like the way you Liberals try to take a shot with "dead Breitbart and spelling?". (Very juvenile).But I expect that from this web site. So I guess if 24 percent unemployment is ok with you Liberals...I have no problem with it. But Conservatives want to work , so having zero 0 unemployment will be their target.In order to get there Well need to" Make America Great Again". PS: Breitbart and Drudge are alive and well living in Obamas/Hillarys head. xoxoxo
  • You are right about Trump. The Muslim in the White House will be gone.And Trump will save America.

We like all those very scientific unemployment figures there -- we'd debunk them, but they came from the only reliable source of information on the internet, Also, not to nitpick, but why does Matt Drudge have to live on inside "Obamas/Hillarys head"? Last we heard, Obama hadn't yet ordered his murder by a massive coronary.

[contextly_sidebar id="o5GKlJrxaEFInnmJYOtqsPuCgOFtuM7J"]We promised you Butthurt Confederates, and so now it's time for some Butthurt Confederates. First up, it's another visit from a fellow we banned back in July after he took exception to our piece on a Memphis proposal to remove a statue and the mouldering bones of Nathan Bedford Forrest from a public park and bury them in a private cemetery -- you know, grave desecration. At the time, a nice fellow with the username "ChuckTX" -- and also "Chucktx01" and "Chucktx02" -- wrote in to let us know that the KKK was actually founded by (and we hope you're sitting down) DEMOCRATS!

  • Dig up all those racist kkk founders and the members of the political party of which they belong too!!!Oops, they were Democrats …
  • Tear down any member of the political party the kkk was founded with.Democrats
  • You dipstick, they are still democrats.They use welfare for slavery now.

Wouldn't you know it, six months later, he popped up in three different articles last week, this time as "chucktx03" (bet you didn't see that coming!) to copypaste a few completely devastating lines from Wikipedia. And notice how cleverly he disguises his STRONG WORDS to evade our nonexistent bad-language filters!:

Awww, b.uttthurt wonkettes don't like facts...

Southern Democrats are members of the U.S. Democratic Party who reside in the American South.

In the 19th century, Southern Democrats comprised whites in the South who believed in Jeffersonian democracy. In the 1850s they defended slavery in the United States, and promoted its expansion into the West against northern Free Soil opposition. The United States presidential election, 1860 formalized the split, and brought war. After Reconstruction ended in the late 1870s they controlled all the Southern states and disenfranchised blacks (who were Republicans). The "Solid South" gave nearly all its electoral votes to Democrats in presidential elections. Republicans seldom were elected to office outside some Appalachian mountain districts.

Wow, wonkette so cr@ppy that gawker got rid of them..Bless your hearts.

And nothing ever changed again, ever, certainly not after 1964 and the passage of the Civil Rights Act. Guess we'd better mark our calendars for July 2016 so we're ready for "chucktx04" to lay more truth on us that we simply cannot handle.

We also found some months-old thoughts on the original Nathan Bedford Forrest piece which completely devastated our suggestion that he was in any way a bad fellow at all. They come from one Willielmus, who fancies himself a classical scholar: his email address is libertas@[]. By god, he will not have us perpetrating any of our liberal lies about Forrest, who was a gentleman and a military genius, and definitely not a racist, nuh-uh! Also, our scholarship is crap, because we got Forrest's rank wrong:

First, Forrest was a Lieutenant General, not a Major General.

Second, he was NOT the founder of the KKK. No matter how hard you believe it, it's simply not true. No, sorry. But no, he wasn't. Really. He wasn't. This was the subject of a Congressional investigation. The finding was that there was NO evidence that he ever actively participated in any KKK activities.

Third, the Fort Pillow incident was thoroughly investigated by both General Sherman and the United States Congress. Forrest was found to be blameless.

Fourth, though he was a slave trader, that was an occupation that was perfectly legal at the time; not unlike being an abortionist today -- reprehensible and immoral, but legal. He was known for not mistreating his slaves. He offered them their freedom if they would ride with him during the War. Forty-four of them did, and only one deserted.

Fifth, like all Confederate soldiers, Forrest is an AMERICAN VETERAN BY ACT OF CONGRESS. When you dig him up, you are desecrating the grave of an American veteran. It doesn't matter whether you believe it or not, it doesn't matter if you think it shouldn't be true. The FACT is that Forrest is an American veteran by Act of Congress.

We suppose we could counter-nitpick, like pointing out that we never claimed Forrest founded the KKK -- he was, however, its first Grand Wizard, and later in life rejected his racist views, as we acknowledged in the very Dear ShitFerBrains column that dealt with the first wave of comments about the statue. However, as we noted at the time:

[These] details aren’t what Forrest’s neo-Confederate fans tend to lionize him for, and as the Nashville Tennessean says, “many historians argue those actions are too little too late for the Confederate general and Ku Klux Klan leader.” So hey, we learned a thing about Nathan Bedford Forrest, but we’re not inclined to suggest that Memphis simply rename his statue and burial site as a Civil Rights shrine.

Update: Thanks to alert Wonkette Operative FeloniousMonk, who found a fine debunking of the notion that Congress declared Confederate veterans to be U.S. military veterans. In 1958, Congress did pass an act to enable pensions to be paid to the few surviving widows of Confederate veterans. It did not, however, retroactively confer U.S. veteran status on the Confederate soldiers themselves, seeing as how they fought for a foreign nation that was at war with the United States of America.

[contextly_sidebar id="V2qxAT9BCM0CBiAhdWqeznmapNmVHFsp"]Now, let's all have another round of comments about Sen. Robert Byrd, shall we? In any case, at least we now have an excuse to repost our favorite Bad Confederate Art from the great city of Nashville:

Fer one thing, its eyes are just teensy li'l things, and it don't have a hat.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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