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It was a good week for deleted comments, which means Yr Dok Zoom had a lot of shoveling to do down in the Derp Mines. Behold, a fresh new assortment of Fruit Of The Banhammer! Our piece on Matt Drudge's rediscovery of Bill Clinton's secret black love child (which Drudge had decided was fake in 1999) drew -- in addition to that missive from conspiracy curator Robert Morrow -- this furious comment from "Amberteka," who doesn't at all sound like they're simply parroting Morrow and other conspiracy folk:

The guy who owned the "Star", a movie magazine.. was big pal of Clinton. The rag today is very pro Hillary. Anti Trump. Writes nasty things about Trump. SLATE said in 1999 there was no way DNA could have been accurate.

Old Story

Pathetic Story

Clintons sent Stepanloplos after pitiful family. Daily Beast reported Newsmax experienced that in 1999.

SLATE magazine said NO way that “DNA” was accurate

DOES CLINTON, WHO IS SO ON THE SIDE OF BLACK YOUTH…….NOT OWE THE KID A FEW SPITS OF SALVIA? WHAT WOULD IT HURT?

Man llooks likes Cllinton coughed him up

We would simply like to point out that if the guy (who's now 31, hardly a "kid," wants some salvia he's going to have to get it his own damn self and not wait for Hillary Clinton to spit on him, which as far as we know wouldn't even result in a decent contact high. Also, Amberteka, get with the current conspiracy talking points: it's not that the 1999 DNA test was inaccurate, it's that it never happened at all. Sheesh, if we have to keep correcting you people on your own damn conspiracy texts, we may as well not even come out of our secret hangar at Area 51.

For reasons unclear to us, "Karen Bayer" thought it important to issue a clarification, or maybe a warning, in response to a July story on the possibility that Donald Trump might simply win the election and then quit, having proven his point that he could win:

If Obama does not step down, you liberals may expect civil war. While you're "adjusting your chakras" --- slurping Starbucks half-caffe caramel latte, watching porno and trying out new organic tofu recipies, the other side is stoking up. Catch my drift? Further, if Hillary wins, here's what can expect

The link is to a video titled "The Most Disturbing Video on the Islamic Invasion of Europe You'll Ever See," so now we're not sure whether Karen wanted to warn us the civil war would be fought against us hippie latte-sipping chakra-adjusting porn addicts by Patriots like Karen and pals, or if we'd be fighting off Muslim Hordes who want to take our tofu away. Either way, it's a grim prospect, and we appreciate the warning! You'll also want to put on safety goggles and check out "Karen's" Disqus history, for a serving of weapons-grade teabaggery, including the claim that the Clintons are trying to MURDER AFRICA by using the Clinton Foundation method of getting rich by shipping "deadly, watered-down HIV drugs to Africa." (She links to a report by Marsha Blackburn, so you know it's true!)

A story on the police shooting of Keith Scott brought us this note from "GetRealBitches," who educates us foolish liberals on how The Blacks pretty much need to be shot a whole lot more than they are just now. See how many squares you can check off on your internet racist bingo card:

Don't you feel fucking stupid now ? All you liberals and monkeys kill me, shot another unarmed black man....that stupid bitch hollering "he doesn't have a gun" your dumbass self saying " it was planted". You know how I knew her version was bullshit to start with? She said he was reading a book! When have you ever seen a moon cricket sitting in a car reading a fucking book? Well, guess what, the headlines should've read "NO book recovered at the seen"!!! Planted? Did your dumbass see the ankle holster on his ankle when he was dancing around the prkg lot or did you miss that too? Guess they strapped that on him after he was dead. Also they must've doctored his criminal record where he had previous gun charges. You all should feel stupid. But hey, any excuse to go out and loot some new Jordan's is "ahiiiite wit chou huh? Funny how since they proved he was a criminal and that bitch lied nobody's heard a fucking word about anymore!

Haw Haw, imagine the idea of a black man reading a book! This comment was at least educational, since "moon cricket" is definitely a new racial slur to us; it apparently has a rather contentious history. So you see, we can all learn from each other.

Our piece on Jill Stein Being A Idiot again drew a lot of angry, angry Stein supporters, most of whom we simply left alone, but a few of whom begged for special Dear Shitferbrains attention, like "johnfromojai," who at least explains why all the Steinfolk found us in the first place. What it doesn't explain is why so many of the gripes were personally directed at Evan -- maybe Stein supporters feel it's important to name the corporate whores they dislike, for purposes of stealing their mana:

Evan Hurst and Wonkette have nothing in their head which is why they like name calling so much. They would never get to the top of the Stein feed without help from the Google exec who loves Clinton and rigs the feed. Check out Jill Stein answering the questions from the rigged debates on Democracy Now. She's brilliant!

Dang that Google exec! We had no idea Big Search was out to destroy Jill Stein, or that they were colluding with us to to it! Before being banished to the Phantom Zone -- or back to Ojai, same thing -- John explained how it was done!

I know it's hard for a simple mind to understand but you can adjust the feed by programming in negative words like idiot, daffy, loser etc. and feeding them to the top.You can include sites like the Washington Post and the New York Times in the feed to the top because they reliably will print articles that help Clinton, who is their favorite.Finally, you could do some REAL journalism, if that's not too scary, and find that the top exec at Google who loves Clinton is also a techie master.

How else would an insulting article from a proudly feces generating site like yours get to number one? Do the math!

We'll get right on that investigation just as soon as we're invited to go meet with our co-conspirators in Mountain View. Oh, hey, Wonkers, in case you haven't seen it yet, we'd also like to recommend this year's Hugo Award winning short story, Naomi Kritzer's delightful and non-shitferbrained "Cat Pictures Please," which presents a far more pleasant theory about how search engines do what they do. Spoiler alert, sorta: You'll realize who the first-person narrator is in the second paragraph, and then you'll giggle all day.

A few other favorites from that piece:

  • From "Kyle Brown": Hey, random shitty blog with half formed liberal opinions, just wanted to let you know this is the first and last time I've ever visited. What total garbage. ["Kyle" went on to leave two more comments. Just couldn't stick the flounce!]
  • From "Xihuitl": Wow. I came back to this once funny site after not having been here for a while, looking for some wit. (Gawker died.) And this is god awful reactionary stuff. Good bye.
  • From "Bunny": Who wrote this crap? Its so full of grammatical errors and typos that it looks like it was written by a grade school student. Actually I think a grade school student would get the grammar correct. Go Trump 2016!
  • From "Tom": It's sad that Hurst is so venomously racist, anti choice, homophobic, Islamophobic, and antisemitic that he is going to such extreme lengths to pander to Donald Trump's ideological clone: Hillary Clinton.

     

    I won't ever be able to take Wonkette seriously again after this

We checked in the Wonkette Sekrit ChatCave, and Evan confirmed, "It's true I am those things." Then Rebecca fired him, AGAIN, for doing all those things, and he went off to go do gay stuff until tonight's debate, which we'll all be liveblooging starting somewhere between 8:30 p.m. Eastern and the actual debate start time of 9 EDT.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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