As you may have heard, there was an election this week, and The People Have Spoken. Or at least The People who bothered to vote have spoken, and they are the ones what matter. Not surprisingly, the results of the election have sent ripples into the fetid exploding foamy pigdoot lagoon that is our comment queue, and so in the spirit of sharing, we bring you this important note from "collioure1," who wants us to know that Our Side Lost, and we therefore have no call to question the brilliance of Senator-elect Joni Ernst:


Lotta sour grapes from the losers whose incompetent President was fired by the American people on Tuesday. In a country with a parliamentary system of government we would be heading toward new élections after this enormous vote of no-confidence. As for Joni Ernst she ran the best campaign of all and deserves her seat in the Senate. She gets her state, its values, and the really important issues of the day. As long as she keeps her eyes fixed on the ball, she'll be a fine Senator.

You losers lost the élections (that's verbatim), now admit that your political beliefs are wrong, because those are totally the same thing. Also, Joni Ernst has to be a smart person, because she won. Colliore1 was pretty diligent about getting this message to us, because he or she sent it to us twice: once Friday morning, and then again Saturday, which means that he or she considered it important enough to save and resubmit. The second time around, however, the message had this addendum:

(Well, if you can't post the above, I guess I needn't pay attention to Ms. Cox any more)

Nicely played, collioure1! You're diligent enough to save a copy of your brilliant insight, but also unaware that Ana Marie Cox hasn't been at Wonkette since 2006 (which was the year another administration lost both the Senate and the House, proving that electoral majorities really are forever, aren't they?).

Yr Editrix's profile of Senator-elect James Lankford drew this rebuttal (haha, we said "butt"!) from "petercapaldifangirl," who likes both Doctor Who and Senator WTF:

Actually, as a Oklahoma citizen, he was not such a bad choice. In fact...a lot of mothers in Oklahoma actually do give their kids drugs (my parents did foster kids for awhile and many situations that he brought up actually happen in the area he was representing in the House) so you are right, Oklahomans are wack, but I'd vote him over the others and the governor even, because he is very up front about what he supports. I respect that.

We would certainly like to know more about this rash of drug-pushing Oklahoma parents who are doping up their kids to get on welfare (you know, like maybe evidence instead of "I know it happens!"). We would, however, just like to point out that being "very up front about what he supports" is no particular virtue if what he supports is bugfuck cray-cray. You know who else was completely up front about his agenda? (The answer is Bill Mauldin). Also, bonus points for the fun that our commenters will have with "my parents did foster kids" -- or would, if Wonkette allowed comments.

And then there's this short note from "Chicago Joe," who replied to our story detailing just what a petty, vindictive asshole Bruce Rauner can be by pointing out that Rauner nonetheless won the election:

Congrats to Governor Rauner!!!!!

At least we assume Chicago Joe was congratulating Rauner on winning the Illinois governorship. Maybe he was congratulating Rauner on his excellent work at forcing a reporter to resign by threatening to publish a hit piece on the reporter's wife. You never know what people will find admirable.

And finally, an election-night message from "Swifter," who dropped by our livebloog Tuesday night to inform us of... well, something, we guess:

Enjoying the election?

The link is to a YouTube video titled "Confederate artillery barrage," from the 1993 movie Gettysburg:

We guess the message is that the election returns were supposed to make us feel devastated, because we were getting hammered by a resurgent barrage of Confederate artillery that we were completely unready for, and the South is Rising Again, haw haw haw!

Strangely, the only thing we could think of -- apart from wanting to point out to "Swifter" that, given the outcome of Gettysburg, he might not want to major in Political Analogies -- was just what a lousy, static battle sequence this was: nice period-accurate costumes and arms, but it's seriously boring filmmaking. Hey, let's have one more helicopter shot of a line of cannons belching smoke. Bleh.

Still, it's a nice opportunity to note the 150-years-late Medal Of Honor awarded this week to a Gettysburg hero. Union Lt. Alonzo Cushing refused to leave the battlefield despite multiple wounds -- he literally held his innards in with one hand -- while commanding a cannon battery at Cemetery Ridge (we feel confident in saying he wouldn't like the movie either).

We'll go away now, even though we run the risk that Swifter may return to taunt us a second time.

[Image by TomFraggle]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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