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Twilight Sparkle is pleased by this development!


After a nice weekend off for New Year's Eve, Yr Dear ShitFerBrains is back with some shiny new derp for 2018. Don't worry about any shocking, difficult-to-adapt-to innovations in stupid, however: our deleted commenters have clearly made a resolution to sound exactly like rightwing loons have sounded for years. There's a certain comfort in the familiar.

Take for instance "Capt Turk," who despite his clever username doesn't appear to be a Turkish Trekkie. He dropped by our story about how some Trump voters are very sad that ladies on dating sites are so unwelcoming to guys with MAGA hats to let us know that he, like many Americans, has had it with both parties, so he understands why many folks voted for Trump:

With many Trump voters (not necessarily supporters) they voted for him because the alternatives were far worse. Personally, I'd rather see Satan himself as pres. than Hitlery or Bernie. There is a very important and needed check box missing from the ballots. We need a "None of the above, try again" box.

After that sound, well reasoned excoriation of both political parties that are Democrats, some mean intolerant leftist here called "Capt Turk" a RWNJ, and he's so new to comment sections he had to go look it up. No, silly, he is no rightwing nutjob! He is a libertarian nutjob, and an expat to boot, because America is so very awful these days:

Took a minute of googling to find out what RWNJ even stands for, lol! No, I don't go along with either wing. I'm a libertarian, and really have no use for either party. Both are corrupt as hell, and neither one cares one whit about the American people. They only care about control, and lining their own pockets. I feel America has gone to the dogs so much that I moved to another country.

I've been following Hitlery for many years. She has shown herself to be the ultimate sleaze bag, and crook, from the time I first heard of her. As for Bernie, from listening to his rants, I've come to the conclusion that he has a bad case of dementia. As I previously stated, there is a missing check box from the ballot.

Apparently, you, and people like you (irrationally intolerant of others opinions) are one of the main reasons I left the US. Been drinking a lot of the cool-aid have you?

He never said what bastion of non-American libertarianism he moved to, although an IP lookup suggests he -- or his VPN server, at least -- is located in the socialist hellhole of Canada. No, not Turkey. In any case, he has some deep thoughts about the world and truth and stuff, because he is an experienced World Traveler. When a Wonker cruelly called libertarians "useless, self-absorbed know-nothings," Captain My Captain explained why he actually has a broader perspective than most people, which he then followed with a highly original cliché:

Another to add to the list of the reasons I left! As a merchant marine captain, I've traveled over more that half the world. I've seen enough with my own eyes to know, never believe any of the propaganda you see, or hear, on the news. Dam I love the intolerance of people with different opinions. There is an ole saying " Opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one, and they ALL stink."

Yarr, 'tis no man, 'tis a remorseless commenting machine! He also confuses "tolerance" with "uncritical acceptance," which seems a bit parochial for a fellow who has traveled so widely and seen so much. And when someone pointed out that it's actually OK to fully spell out cuss words here, he replied that he is in fact Aware Of Internet Traditions:

I'm fully aware of the proper spelling of "Damn". It's common usage on the internet to shorten words at times.

Yes, that is a very common internet abbreviation. As is shortening "you're" to "your" and "they're" to "there." It's not a misspelling or a typo; Captain Pee Wee meant to do that.

Still, there's a larger point Captain Ron wanted us to give some thought to: The venomous atmosphere of hatred these days, which is utterly unprecedented in American politics, at least to anyone who never noticed what wingnuts wrote about Barack Obama for a decade:

So I'm not tolerant? I absolutely hated Obama, but I never threatened to harm, or kill someone, or called them derogatory names, because they voted for him. I never turned them away because of their support of him, or refused to associate with them. I have several friends that support him to this day. That doesn't mean I'm going to call them stupid, ignorant, or any other of the names I've been called here. I respect, whether I agree with them or not, their right to their opinion. That's what being a civilized human being is supposed to be all about.

I've recently been threatened with harm, and/or death, by several Trump haters. I'm almost 70 years old and I've never seen the unbridled, venomous, hatred that I've seen directed at Trump, and/or his supporters, or for that matter, anyone else. It goes beyond rationality.

We should note here that we've reviewed that comment thread, and while many people said unkind things, not a single Wonker threatened "Capt Turk" with harm. Several did call him rude names, which had to be very very hurtful to the paragon of civility who led off with "Hitlery" and followed up with the observation that Hillary is the "ultimate sleaze bag" and Bernie has dementia, and that anyone who'd vote for either has been "drinking the cool-aid" [sic]. But he doesn't hold with insulting folks over politics, and in fact had to leave the USA because people are just so intolerant.

Then someone threw a substantive argument at him, saying that trickle-down economics has never worked, that institutional racism and sexism are bad things, and that libertarianism is naive, like "knocking down your fences and just hoping the fox won't come for the chickens." Captain Thoughtful replied,

One more example of the reason I left the US.

Huh. So much rudeness! That commenter then asked for a "substantive counterargument," please, and finally "Capt Turk" got into the real intellectual stuff, not just the mere gainsaying of what the other person says, although he knew his facts would be wasted on the fools here:

As if facts will make any difference to Trump haters, a few of the reasons I not against Trump.

He has decreased the nation debt by several trillion dollars.

The Dow is at an all time high.

He's brought numerous manufacturing job back to the US.

He's doing his best to limit immigration.

The man is the only one I've ever come across that actually had his personal wealth decrease while in office.

He's the only one to ever donate his salary to charity.

No one that can amass 4.5 billion dollars in assets is stupid, or has no knowledge of economics.

I could continue, but it would do no good. Too much kool-aid has been served.

I'll agree that the man is sexist. He has his crase moments, but that doesn't make him the wrong man for the job. I've learned in my long life that it sometimes it takes an asshole to get things done.

As far as my being naive, for being a libertarian, call me what you want but I believe in being left to hell along, as long as I'm not causing injury to another. And I don't mean harming some ones delicate, wants to be absolutely protected, thinks everyone owes them something, need a safe space, feelings.

As I stated earlier, I've traveled, worked in, lived in, other countrys spanning a good part of the world. Some were dictatorships, some officially police states, and the whole range and degrees of government. I've never been anywhere that the governments were as invasive, and generally restrictive, and intrusive, as what the US has become in recent years.

Have a nice day, and enjoy your kool-aid.

Finally, some facts! Let's see here:

(1) The national debt grew by $671 billion in fiscal 2017. And of course, the GOP's Tax Cut For Rich Fuckwads will add at least a trillion to the debt over the next decade -- or $1.5 trillion, depending on the estimates.

(2) The Dow has continued high growth since the Obama administration, and the stock market is a dubious measure of economic health. Trump enacted no policies to affect it one way or another -- unless slashing environmental protections makes all stocks go up.

(3) Trump has bragged about bringing many manufacturing jobs back. Not a lot of evidence for that, but he sure says it a lot. in 2016, under the guy who wasn't Trump, the US gained about 25,000 more manufacturing jobs than it lost, but the small gains in manufacturing here seem to have more to do with increasing production costs in China, not just yelling about jobs.

(4) We'll give you this one: Trump is definitely doing everything he can to deport everyone possible. Of course, most libertarians are in favor of open borders, so that seems a strange one to be proud of.

(5) How would we know? He's never released his taxes. Obviously "Captain Turk" believed Trump's claim that the tax bill would be terrible for him. It will actually be pretty good for Trump, especially with the inclusion of the "Corker Kickback." We have no idea where "Capt Turk" got the idea that Trump's personal wealth has decreased -- maybe he means Trump took a "pay cut" with the presidential salary of $400,000 a year? That, of course, ignores the tiny detail that Trump's wealth comes almost exclusively from his real estate holdings and other investments, not salary. Paychecks are for little people.

(6) JFK also donated his presidential salary. And we're not sure that donating a few chunks of change to government agencies whose budgets are targeted to be slashed really counts as "charity." Also, let's not forget that Trump can now write off those donations on his taxes -- so we get to pay him twice!

(7) HAHAHAHAHA. Being rich doesn't make you smart. Trump has a long record of business failures, taking bailouts, and cheating people who do business with him. As several commenters pointed out, Trump would be richer if put his 1988 net worth into index funds and sat on his hands. SO SMART.

And then "Capt Turk" flounced away to getting-hit-on-the-head lessons. Ow!

That same thread also brought us a visit from the brilliant "David R," who suddenly noticed something!!!!

It's just dawned on me that this is a Communist website. I couldn't believe what I was reading from most of the comments. Then I looked at the various pop-ups. So you folks really are nuts. I was worried there for a while that I had gone into a black hole to 1930s American Communist Party times.

Someone pointed out that Wonkette doesn't exactly call for state control of industry, the dictatorship of the proletariat, or even workers seizing the means of production (ed. - Robyn here! I do! Well, I at least believe the workers should own the means of production in many cases and am kind of a syndicalist.), so how on earth did "David" conclude that this is a communist website? Which elicited this bit of detective work:

I explained "how" -- the ads. Anyway, I really don't care if you agree. The comments are so nuts that I'm actually relieved to have figured this out.

Yep, it was the ADVERTISEMENTS (which we don't actually have) that made clear we were a bunch of commies. But "David" had other deep thoughts about the actual topic of the article, which was why Trump voters seem to have trouble getting laid online:

The Swiss are working on an artificial vagina and when they have it perfected, women are out. Before then, make sure you get an NDA for everyone you date, or have your money well-protected (in trust, off-shore, buried).

Well, then! He seems pretty smart! When someone suggested he had a pretty bizarre and limited view of the women who carry those vaginas around with them, making it necessary for men to (sigh) have to deal with an entire person instead of just some genitals, "David" objected, in very intellectual terms:

You actually don't know my beliefs about how the sexes relate to one another. You don't even know that I voted for Trump. I really don't have a problem with women per se, but rather with this inane article and those hereon who seem to upvote it. I want nothing to do with either men or women who take this position seriously.

As I've said hereon, several women are heroes to me, and I happen to like personally all the women I actually know. And my mother gave me life so I wouldn't even be around if it weren't for her. But I'm disgusted with anyone (man or woman) who would judge the sum of another person's worth based on which lever they pulled in a single election.

Yup, he's all about the civility, and he actually respects many vagina-carriers. Also, as a brief visit to his comment history indicates, he happens to know that global warming is a "pseudo science" (he uses a whole lot of math!), Muslims are committed to killing everyone who doesn't accept Islam, and if you're going to argue with "David R." in a comments thread, you'd best come prepared:

Perhaps 1/10 of a percent of the US is more intelligent than I am. The logical implication of the above is that no one will buy what you are selling.

We'll confess we didn't scroll down far enough to see whether he brags about belonging to MENSA, but we bet the odds are fairly strong. He's among the smartest 99.9 percent of Americans, after all. If only we weren't such commies, maybe we'd recognize that.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click here to help us indoctrinate people with communism and dirty words!

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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THAT HEADLINE IS A LIE.

Anyway, it is time to count down your top ten stories. You will notice that in this post there is a video of Wonkette Toddler at the lake doing lake things, and also a picture of Rebecca's Very Good Dogs watching their favorite movie, which is Wonkette Toddler eating a sandwich (above). Please enjoy these things.

OK, top ten!

Stories chosen by Beyoncé, as per usual:

1. Even Fox News Can't Make Finland Trump-Shits Smell Like Roses :(

2. Dickish Trump Is Even A Dick To That Nice Old Lady From The Crown

3. Where In The World Is Michael Avenatti? He Is In London Having Tea With The Queen!

4. From Russia With Lube

5. WHAT THE HOLY MOTHERFUCKING FUCK WAS THAT TRUMP-PUTIN PRESS CONFERENCE?

6. Can We Talk About The Utter Sadness Of Breitbart's Melania Fashion Coverage?

7. Christian Lady Being A Dipshit Again

8. President Words-Stupid Sorry For Being Total Fuck-Up Just This One Time Ever

9. Deleted Comments: We Gave God The Banhammer

10. Strzok Out With Your Cock Out: The 5 Best Moments From Yesterday's Peter Strzok Shitshow

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

OH HEY, one more thing. Know how Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you, like we mentioned above, and that's how we have salaries and servers and healthcare and liquor? If you want Wonkette to be here FOREVER, you gotta help us out, so won't you click here to do a $10 donation, or even better, a monthly subscription? WE LOVE YOU, YOU PAY OUR RENT.

As promised, kid pic and video from LAKE TIME:

OK that's all.

Yours in baby Jesus,

Wonkette

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Corey Stewart, the Minnesota transplant to Virginia who's made protecting "Confederate Heritage" a top issue in his campaign for the US Senate, accused a nosy New York Times reporter of breaking into the apartment of one of his aides. It's a terrific accusation, because while there's no evidence at all and the story makes no damn sense, that doesn't matter at all to people who'd vote for Corey Stewart. They already hate the evil media and know those nasty reporters are capable of all the depravity in the world.

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