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You will probably not be greatly surprised that a large number of our deletia this week came in response to stories about the horrific massacre in Charleston. One story, more than any others -- about speculation on Fox News that this was a hate crime against Christians -- really brought out the trolls, possibly because even though the story noted that the shooter had told a survivor that his goal was "to kill black people," it was still early on enough that some people were still comfortably in denial. Or just idiots.


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Derp: Above And Beyond

A special Dear ShitFerBrains shoutout goes to "USCombatVet," who expounded at length on why Dylann Roof must have had a motive beyond racism:

If this was a hate crime against blacks rather than Christians, then explain to me why so many of his Facebook friends are black? Could a true racist even stand to have blacks on his FRIENDS list? See it for yourself: [Link removed]

USCombatVet linked to Roof's Facebook page, which was taken down right about the time he posted. Yr Other Friendly Neighborhood Comment Moderator, Shypixel, challenged USCombatVet to "provide some other evidence for your pet theory that this was an anti-christian hate attack" beyond the existence of black people on the guy's Facebook page, and we got this:

"Pet theory"? I was simply stating a fact -- that over 20 of his 74 friends were black, which to me raises the very legitimate question, why someone who hates blacks enough to gun down 9 of them would have even 1 black on his friends list ... But hey, kudos for going straight to insults because you disagree with someone else's opinion.

USCombatVet wasn't quite finished yet; when Shy asked him to provide some evidence or GTFO, there was Much Anger:

[Loony racism-apology redacted by moderator] I'll have to decline your invitation to GTFO; my opinions and views have just as much right to be here and stated as yours. Have a nice day.

Aww, Shy, why'd you go and redact it? Now Dear ShitFerBrains readers won't be able to see his elegant explanation of how no one with black people on his Facebook friends list could ever be racist. At least forward that stuff to me, OK? Archiving the derp is Srs Bsns, man.

Anyhoo, this was the last straw for USCombatVet, who then sent a Most Upset Email to Yr Editrix about how we were oppressing his sacred right to comment on a blog that we own and operate, and is that even what he fought for when he was waist deep in the Big Muddy or whatever? In an email with the subject line "Typical," he let us know what terrible people we are:

I will say firstly, in case you do not know, that I am the person that has been posting as USCombatVet. Great to know that your intolerance of other people's views and opinions (and those of your coward husband, Shypixel) is so blatant. You fit perfectly in with the others who share your political & social leanings. You couldn't even allow my comments to stay as I posted them, you had to go in and delete parts while editing your own immature snarky comments into others. All this goes to show that you feel threatened by different views & opinions. That's fine, go ahead and do insulate yourself from people who disagree with your views and opinions on your own little website. None of the idiots who are "allowed" to comment unedited on your sorry excuse for a website could debate their way out of a wet paper bag. Have a nice day, oxygen thief.

In case you don't know, "oxygen thief" is a very subtle way of saying that Yr Editrix should no longer be an alive person.

Yr Editrix, still recovering from having a human being surgically removed from her insides, was not especially in the mood to suffer fools gladly, and replied thusly:

Dude, your whining is hurting my c-section from here. How on earth did we ever win a war if our combat vets are so fucking easily butthurt?

Please stay out of my inbox; I have a husband and an actual baby to pay attention to. A grown-up baby doesn't rank.

Needless to say, this didn't sit well with Our Hero:

Then don't give out your email on your website. It isn't rocket science. Whining? As opposed to the tantrum you threw by first editing my posts & then completely deleting them? But let me guess, rather than actually addressing what I am saying, you will just block my emails like you blocked me from commenting on your lame site.... I hope your kid doesn't grow up to be as ignorant & intolerant as you two, but I'm sure you will do your best to ruin them. Have a nice day, jackass.

We would just like to let USCombatVet know that we take his concerns very seriously, and that we are very committed to the First Amendment, which gives us the right to moderate comments as we see fit. And if we don't want a bunch of jerks tromping around in shit-covered boots all over our nice carpet (which really ties the room together, man), we are not obligated to invite them in. Happily, USCombatVet's important contributions to the National Dialogue on Charleston have now been preserved for immortality, or at least as long as we keep paying the server bills.

Hateful Leftists Are The Real Killers

The same article prompted a string of comments from "Eric Harris," who either has the terrible bad luck to share the name of one of the Columbine shooters, or is a total douche who thought that would be a HILARIOUS username. Eric Harris started off with this brilliant insight: Liberals who keep talking about racism made Dylann Roof so angry that he had to shoot nine people to death:

The more the left stirs the racial animosity pot the more common these type of events will occur. Healing will not occur until all parties, regardless of color, drop the racist acts.

Silly us, we thought that the guy who told his victims that he wanted to kill black people was responsible! When another commenter (which we don't allow) replied, "What the bloody fuck are you yammering about? 'The left' didn't just gun down nine African-Americans. Take your healing and shove it up your ass," Eric Harris had all the proof he needed that we are indeed an ugly vile little snark mob:

The more you leftist talk the more you prove my point.

See? If leftists insist on pointing out that it was a racist, not the left, who did all those murders, that just proves that the left has murderous intentions, and also rejects Eric Harris's benevolent calls for healing in this difficult time which has nothing to do with race except for how the left keeps talking about it. "Eric" shared a few other thoughts about why "The Left" is terrible and incites murders by racists who are driven to murder by the left's constant divisiveness:

  • I am not a bigot like the left. When did the left forsake the 1st, 2nd, and 4th amendments? You no longer stand for freedom. You stand for division and oppression.
  • Democrats love to make others feel less than them. You no longer stand for love and peace. You stand for hatred.
  • I do not hate people due to their color. I have friends of all colors and ideologies. Anyone with a brain can watch all the race baiting by the mainstream media and the politicians. I remember when people would identify as a democrat because they believed in individual rights and love. That is not the message coming out of the progressive machine. Racial hatred, division, cop hating, hating America, hating white males, hating Christians....these are the messages coming from the left.
  • I am not blaming another race for the problems of the world. That is the job of the liberals.

Needless to say, when someone called him A Idiot, he was ready with a reply that boiled down to the classic You Are Oppressing Me By Mocking Me, with a side order of making fun of people is destroying Freedom:

  • Just telling the truth. That is something that liberals want to stop others from doing. Why do you hate the 1st amendment? You used to stand up for everyone's right to speak their mind.
  • Liberals are trying to take away the 1st amendment of others due to being PC. Or they are acting like Obama and directly target the press by sicking the CIA on them. Liberal means open to new ideas. Is that name an oxymoron now? Do you prefer progressive instead?
  • Sleep while the freedoms of life slip away. Honestly why has the left abandoned the rights of freedom?
  • Oh, the love of the left. Where is your inclusive training? I thought you were supposed to be PC. After banning soda, were you going to also ban words that hurt others?

Don't you see? Freedom is telling liberals that they incite murders by saying racism is bad. And Censorship is telling someone that they are a Moran.

But What About The Other Real Killers?

We did get one gent, "LloydDrako," who explained that of course the Charleston shootings were motivated by religious hatred:

Of course the motivation was religious. What self-respecting white man wouldn't be outraged at the way these black heathens, barely 300 years removed from the jungle, have appropriated the white man's religion?

Now there's a guy who knows what Christianity is all about.

Once Dylann Roof actually confessed that he was motivated by the desire to kill some black people and that he hoped to start a race war, "n0n0" -- with zeroes, not mere "o"s, so you know they're L33T -- wanted us to know that Roof's by-now exhaustively documented racism only appears to be the problem. The real problem, we learn, is Big Pharma, which is clearly responsible, but we are too gutless to even consider that obvious answer:

[You] can still blame the pharmaceutical companies for a race war if it happens. They're the ones dishing out the prescribed chemicals to mess with everyone's mind while they rake in the profits. Take a closer look at the medication history of this lunatic and the other half dozen or so in the past 5 years, you'd be surprised at the findings that they were on similar, personality altering drugs.

But nobody will go after a rich CEO, huh? Too much for you all.

You know what else recent mass murderers all had in common? Drinking fluoridated water. And watching television. Also exposure to wheels, or as Trixie Lulamoon calls them, "Satan's Donuts."

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The Kind Of Week Where Donald Trump Is A Refreshing Change

And finally, to help clear your brains of all that talk of racism, which might drive you to murder, we received a long missive from "Dave Francis," who proudly spammed it all over the place in response to the exciting news that Donald Trump will be our next YOOGE classy President. We've edited it down a tad from the original epic's 1200-plus words, but if you want to see it in its full glory, it's over here too. Mr. Francis is quite excited about the prospects of a rich man finally becoming president, because Donald Trump can be his own man. Also, something about Messicans.

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A note on the text: We're going to keep the line breaks as they appear in the original comment, because they give it a nice blank verse quality that adds to the overall WTF. We're also not going to bother with ellipses where we've made cuts; they'd interfere with the poetic feel, and you can pretty much tell where they are anyway:

AMERICA NEEDS A HARD MAN AS TRUMP, INSTEAD OF INEPT, WEAK PRESIDENTS AS OBAMA.

FOR JUST

BUILDING A WALL BETWEEN THE US/MEXICO HE HAS MY VOTE. A COURAGEOUS HURRAH FOR

PRESIDENT TRUMP.

I

trust Trump more than any other Pontius Pilot who runs our country.

Trump has no barriers to

his ability to be President. He is honest, straight to the bare metal speech

making. He was sincerely effective with

a stunned audience. In his opening statement, he said “When did we beat Mexico? They’re laughing at us at the

border,” he said. “The U.S. has become a dumping ground for

everybody else’s problems. It’s true,” he said, referring to Mexico sending America “drugs, rapists,” and of course

impoverished people. “It’s gotta stop,” he said, “and it’s gotta stop fast."

Cries of “We want Trump”

were sporadic to his issues, from growing excitement in the crowds.

OH! And the dirt diggers are out in

force already, as they are afraid, very afraid. They are going to lose their

money making machines in Mexico,

Japan, Russia

and the transnational corporations, and the slime ball that crawls around our

nation’s capitol. AND DONALD, WATCH YOUR BACK?

You want an instant YouTube hit? (MUST CREDIT WONKETTE!) Someone out there should read the whole thing, or at least longer excerpts, with the 'Battle Hymn of the Republic" playing softly underneath. Maybe we could get Christopher Walken... or William Shatner.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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