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Why are you weirdos always writing about vaginas anyway?


Time for another foray into the Deleted Comments bin, and this week we'll get right to the point with this puissant analysis of what's wrong with Wonkette, from one "Trump4theWin," whose username suggests they enjoy a good game of whist. Trump4theWin wanted us to know exactly why we suck, or at least why our recent piece on Donald Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski's arrest did:

Wonkette emits another slanderous slew of stank and drama, because they are vaginas.

That's actually pretty good alliteration; not quite up to the standards of what William Safire wrote for Spiro Agnew (WE ARE OLD!), but not terrible. Also, what's wrong with vaginas, you twat?

Trump4theWin also had thoughts -- in reply to a story on something else entirely -- on why the 2008 mortgage crisis happened: it was because Washington Politicians forced the banks to make bad loans to The Blacks -- never mind all the speculation and tranches and financial games involved in mortgage reselling that really led to the catastrophe. Mostly, it was affirmative action what did it:

I am the last one to defend banks but this was forced on them over a multi decade effort at all levels of the media and government that continually accused them of racism for not lending to blacks until the standards were relaxed so far even a part time job could get a house loan. Of course big government proponents had no worries because they set up the Big Bad Federal Reserve to bail the banks out with taxpayer money to save them from being ruined by a run on the banks if it is ever discovered they are practicing fraud and lending money they don't actually have. The biggest rip off and transfer of wealth from the bottom to the top in history and only 'right wing nuts' like me are interested in seeing whats in the secret books and dealings at this private bank that our leaders sold us into debt slavery to.

And yes, he also mourned the loss of Antonin Scalia, since now unions will run rampant:

Without Scalia there to block the Unions, Democrats can keep screwing inner city youths by not giving them any choice or ability to rise out of the government plantation

And of course, when somebody pointed out that those comments were just the teensiest bit racist, Trump4theWin was astonished at our racism:

So now informing the naive about the history surrounding lending standards is racist! Of course! Everything else is, why not this too!

Trump4theWin even managed to defend the sovereign citizen idiot in Florida who insisted that he was David Hall the individual but definitely not "David Hall" the "person," who is only a legal figment on paper. Our Trumpkin found that all in all, the sovereign citizen was a lot smarter than the dumb old judge, who couldn't seem to keep his wingnut nomenclature straight:

Notice the Judge himself said the charges were for the individual David Hall but not the person. I think this Judge has his law backwards....

Damn, too bad David Hall couldn't get Trump4theWin to appear in court to help him out.

We also heard from another Trump supporter who went simply by "dean" (we're guessing that's a first name and not a job title), who didn't care one single bit for our stories about those loser reporters who actually expected Donald Trump to answer their questions. We'll give him credit: at least he read the little author description.

gosh what a bunch of a**holes. You do realize you're a**holes right. How's that for PhD rhetoric Dr?

Apparently "dean" magically seized control of our Disqus account too, because he followed that insight a little later with this claim that he'd deleted a whole bunch of replies to his brilliant comment. No, that is not possible, actually. But we do appreciate dean's use of strategically placed asterisks to evade the censorship of our language filter (which in our case we have not got):

dear friends I accidentally deleted all your a**hole replies without reading, could you please send them again thank you. Nice job Dr, your website with hot naked chicks and F*** Trump T shirts is a class act, attracts the kind of poster whose opinion I can learn from, and you sell advertising! Does anybody know if they sell computer disinfectant. Last time I let google news drag me into the gutter (ok it was fun)

"Dean" is reportedly in negotiations with Fox News for a position as a satirist.

In other Trump fan news, one "PooPooMcGee" wasted a perfectly good username replying last week to a piece about Trump from 2011 about how Donald Trump considers himself "the least racist person there is." The fact that we would even deign to take issue with that statement (five years ago) proves that we have the worst writers in the world, because we simply don't recognize the hyper-bowl:

What kind of shit piece is this? Most people know that Trump over exaggerates. It takes a borderline mentally challenged person to take a comment like that 100% literally. He was making a point. Here's an example for your small brain: "My mom makes the best meatballs ever." If Trump said that, you and your brain dead style of writing, which panders to individuals with pathetically low intelligence, would say something along the lines of "So Trump's mother makes better meatballs than Gordon Ramsay? Better meatballs than award winning italian chef Gusto Fuckanatti?" Please, think about a new career that does not include writing and using your (lack of) brain. Articles like this are living examples of why I hate the media.

Guess he told us. Jack Stuef, you are so fired!

Our far more recent (as in last week) piece on Florida Gov. Rick Scott's latest healthcare douchebaggery, defunding Medicaid services at Planned Parenthood, drew this comment from one "Marty Johnson," who wishes women would just pull their cervixes up by their own bootstraps:

Here is a tip little man: Nothing stopping YOU from paying for other peoples' medical treatment. Knock yourself out.

Never mind that the story wasn't really about cuts or increases to the Medicaid budget; it was about where the payments were going. In any case, Johnson made it abundantly clear that liberals are a bunch of hypocrites since they want to raise taxes for social services instead of putting only their own money on the line. You don't really need to see the comments he was replying to, all of which had some delusional thinking about "social contracts" and stuff:

  • No son, you can pay a lot more than just taxes. You know, give up some of that Starbucks yada yada with extra creme that you love. Make it hurt. Actually pay some out of your savings. Then come back and tell us how compassionate you are. Until then you are just trying to force others to pay for what you and your big mouth should be paying for.
  • Pay it out of your OWN money, not OTHER people's money. You talk big, but when it comes down to it, you want other people to cash the checks that you write. It is not compassionate to force others to pay for what you think should be purchased. It is compassionate to pay for what you think should be purchased. If you aren't willing to sacrifice for something then it is just moral posturing.
  • you dumb, or intentionally obtuse. PAY MORE than just your taxes. You think it is so important, put your discretionary spending where your mouth is.

Strangely, we're fairly sure he wouldn't advocate that people in favor of a stronger military should make individual donations to Northrop-Grumman. Also, we might as well remind him of this excellent 2012 essay by Stephen King explaining why taxation is a good thing, and why the "Why don't you just write a check?" ploy is such a shitty argument. Let's close today with a few lines from the eminently quotable Mr. King:

I’ve known rich people, and why not, since I’m one of them? The majority would rather douse their dicks with lighter fluid, strike a match, and dance around singing “Disco Inferno” than pay one more cent in taxes to Uncle Sugar. It’s true that some rich folks put at least some of their tax savings into charitable contributions. My wife and I give away roughly $4 million a year to libraries, local fire departments that need updated lifesaving equipment (Jaws of Life tools are always a popular request), schools, and a scattering of organizations that underwrite the arts. Warren Buffett does the same; so does Bill Gates; so does Steven Spielberg; so do the Koch brothers; so did the late Steve Jobs. All fine as far as it goes, but it doesn’t go far enough.

What charitable 1 percenters can’t do is assume responsibility -- America’s national responsibilities: the care of its sick and its poor, the education of its young, the repair of its failing infrastructure, the repayment of its staggering war debts. Charity from the rich can’t fix global warming or lower the price of gasoline by one single red penny. That kind of salvation does not come from Mark Zuckerberg or Steve Ballmer saying, “OK, I’ll write a $2 million bonus check to the IRS.” That annoying responsibility stuff comes from three words that are anathema to the Tea Partiers: United American citizenry.

And that, ladies and gents, is what real patriotism looks like. Gotta like a man who says most rich people are "as boring as old, dead dog shit." Go read the whole thing again, like we told you to back in 2012. We'll be here when you get back.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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