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Dear Sir or Madame: I am outraged by this blog's rampant pro-unicorn bias


After a week with hardly any bitching left us without a Deleted Comments column last week (we'd link, but to what?), we're happy to report that rage levels this week were nearly back to normal. Oddly enough, it was our Facebook page that got some of the top vituperation; some weeks are just like that. One "Scott Mcgowan" [sic(?)] blew a gasket on the Facebook link to our weekly Top Ten post, apparently after getting banhammered at the Wonkette Mothership:

So you block me from commenting on your site? I guess the $$$$ TRUMP gives you means you are just another media whore for the TRUMP. Thought you above that but now you are just another POS spreading the LOVE OF TRUMP. Typical of those GOP supporting Montana inbred folks.

For the sake of accuracy, we should note we have received no money from Mr. Trump, and if we did, we'd have a great big laugh about it and call him a vacuous collection of stapled-together turdlumps anyway. Also, angry person, we have no idea who you are or what you were banned for, as your name on Faceplace bears no resemblance to any email addresses or usernames we've banhammered recently. If you're not an actual jackhole and believed you were banned in error -- it happens! -- please send a note to Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator at doktorzoom at-sign wonkette dot com and we'll see if you were banned in error. If you are an actual jackhole, then please enjoy a nice hot cup of Get The Fuck Out. Thanks! If you don't know whether you're a jackhole, that is a matter for you and your therapist.

[wonkbar]a href="http://wonkette.com/600778/hillary-clinton-borrows-obamas-time-machine-to-steal-new-york-primary#htDBHJH5cuh1dhFz.99"[/wonkbar]Yr Editrix also enjoyed a pleasant exchange with one "Michael Korzubski" regarding the Facebook version of our story about that time Hillary Clinton stole the New York Primary by traveling back in time to 1909 to change the election laws in her favor. She is such a sneak! (Hillary, that is. Yr Editrix would make a terrible spy. This is a Science Fact.) What happened was that Mr. Korzubski saw the name "Hillary Clinton" and went Full Rage Mode:

MK: Hillary is a confirmable homophobe, a confirmable racist and is so far right that you would need to be a wannabe republican to even stomach her.

if you vote for her, stop calling your self a liberal, stop calling yourself a feminist, stop saying you care at all.

Wonkette: Michael, that wasn't really the point of this story.

Things got a little worse then, as the torrent of word salad was unleashed:

MK: I know, I just really don't like her. And after help Americans fight for their rights, I can't stick around and watch it turn in to the other side...since there is not stopping you..I will just yell at you pointlessly online. It helps relieve stress from work and daily life in a healthy way....I mean our politics here are golden right now, I mean we are all mostly healthy and happy. Doctor assisted suicide just went through after years sitting idle, and yeah all good here.

Yet you all love wishing rape, and death and supporting homophobes, I mean there is always something I can nip at you over. Since I feel Hillary's past is a factor, and am disgusted that Americans would vote for her after so long fighting for their rights...rights Bernie has always fought for..rights I spent the last 10 years helping Americans fight for, after winning those rights here. Rights Hillary denied, rights Hillary didn't support until she wanted votes.

Yeah to vote for her right after, to make her president after all she has done, after all who worked to defeat people like her...you go and elect her because she said she is better now. So any time you post anything about her...I will have something not nice to say..and i am not here to change minds....just to vent my very strong dislike of what you are currently doing.

Your liberals are "right", and your republicans are "far right". Bernie is not even "far left", he is maybe middle and is still to much for you to handle...do you not get it..capitalism doesn't have a place on the left anywhere...as long as you embrace it you are on the right. Where it makes sense for Hillary to want to cash in, it doesn't make sense for you to support it. Nor does it make sense to support someone who hasn't supported you, when you have someone right there who did and who does.

You are choosing to go right, while pretending to be left. As anyone who was really on the left would never be able to vote for or support what Hillary stands for. And they sure as hell wouldn't be able to stomach her past, and keep promoting her as a valid option next to Mr. Sanders.

Video game time now, will check back to see how much hate I get in a bit. Always nice chatting with you Wonkette. do love the page at most times..just not when Hillary is featured...or you go to far right...Americans are always going to far right....or trying to cash in off the left.

Wonkette: I stopped reading after the part where you said we love wishing rape and death on homophobes, because ... we don't. But while your nipping at us may be healthy and fun for you, it's actually quite stupid and headachey for us, as we are actually people on the other side of the computer screen. So get the fuck out, YA BANNED.

We must point out that Yr Editrix was slightly off there -- he actually accused us of loving to wishing rape and death on ... everyone? Plus also supporting homophobes. So the dude actually thinks we're far worse than Rebecca thought he was saying we are. In any case, it is good to know that we at Wonkette apparently are on the far right, which was a bit of a surprise to learn, but would at least explain all those John Birch Society pamphlets in the foyer off the Chatcave. Also, too, we can't believe that Michael Korzubski would participate in anything so corrupt as supporting the video game industry, which is full of fascists. May he get stuck on a really tough level and never be able to complete it, even by using an online walkthrough. Yeah, we CAN be mean when our dander's up.

[wonkbar]a href="http://wonkette.com/600836/fine-ass-reykjavik-mayor-is-your-new-political-sexxx-fantasy-of-the-week"[/wonkbar] Getting back to the plain old comments-on-Wonkette comments (which are not allowed), one "Mark Dufresne" appears to be among the few people not impressed by our story on Reykjavik's hot mayor. Apparently he could not handle the hotness:

Wow, board games and good looks! He should be King of the World! Faggot.

At first we thought maybe Mr. Dufresne might simply be a person with deep-seated anti-Icelandic antipathies (who hates Iceland? We honestly don't know! Other than maybe whales), but a quick look at his Disqus history shows him to be a bog-standard wingnut who likes to remind the world that Robert Byrd was once in the KKK and that Donald Trump is a pretty cool dude.

[wonkbar]a href="http://wonkette.com/600911/harriet-tubman-to-grace-new-20-bill-because-suck-it-andrew-jackson"[/wonkbar]Another person of few words, "david rieck," was unimpressed by our piece on the news that Harriet Tubman would be the new face on the $20 bill. All he had to say was

Just wondering, was this article written by a twelve year old?

It was a pretty withering takedown, but not nearly as withering as a reply defending Yr Wonkette, from "daysleeper," who speaks fluent left-handed compliment:

All the stuff on this site is written like this. It's hard to take, but it is a decent source of info in spite of the puerile delivery, so...

Well then! Another satisfied reader!

And finally, a correction from volunteer editor "B N" (yes, the space matters), who had a bone to pick with the way Wonkette use ze English Language as she is spoken, in particular as it was on display in our piece about Rick Scott's weird decision to release an ad attacking a lady who yelled at him in a Starbucks. "B N" took issue with Yr Editrix's horrific use of the mother tongue:

I now know why you are blogging and not writing for a credible news organization. Unless Mr Scott was on Facebook at the time, I doubt he "unliked" the Starbucks situation, but he may have disliked it. Fraud is not a verb, so he could not have "frauded Medicare." Defrauded, perhaps. Your sanctimony is rivaled by your ignorance.

Or maybe, just maybe, we're not a lot of stuck-up stickybeaks 'round here. Anyway, yeah, shame on us, we're A IDIOT.

Lastly, which comes after "Finally" but is really last, we received a really nice email from a reader who is neither a commenter nor deleted, but who wanted to call our attention to something pretty swell. Since it's not quite enough to build a whole post around, we figured we'd stick it in here at the end of Dear ShitFerBrains, because we can. "Paul S" writes:

I am a long time lurker on your wonderful site.

I don't know if you are familiar with Zooniverse. It is a citizen science volunteer site; the actual projects range in complexity from classifying galaxies from deep sky scans to perusing old ship's logs for weather data. (Be careful though.. these online projects can be addicting.) I am also a librarian, so the attached is a project near and dear to my heart.

It would be a little OT to me to post this directly to your comments page, but if you could possibly put in a good word about the project to your online minions I would be greatly appreciative.

Regards,

And what the project is, is this neato crowdsourced-research thing called Shakespeare's World where you, the internet, can take a look at a handwritten page of text from Elizabethan times, try to make some sense of it, and type a transcription of the words you're sure of -- even as little as a word or two helps. It's mostly letters and recipes, and while the documents themselves have been scanned and digitized, the scholarly fun will really be helped by having a database of transcriptions of the things. And while you're a day late for Shakespeare's birthday (April 23), he probably won't mind if you start late. Puzzle fiends, history nerds, language lovers and fans of arcana are invited to give it a whirl -- we went there and saw some diplomatic correspondence about the King Of Bohemia and what he was up to. That's www.shakespearesworld.org, where you can peek in on and help preserve the comments section of the Elizabethan blogosphere. And all the trolls are 400 years dead, so you'll get the last word. Who knows, maybe you'll even find something bawdy!

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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